In 1492, Columbus Clicked These Morning Links

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.10.11

Happy Columbus Day, everybody. I’m going to celebrate by going into my friend’s house, telling him I live there now, then giving him a terminal disease. And then I’m going to try to sell all of my brown-skinned friends. Columbus!

Links

Changes In The UPROXX Media Network’s Commenting System Are A-Comin’ - Rating systems, posting incentives and more are heading your way, and two weeks after they arrive I’ll figure out how to leave comments again and thank you for supporting UPROXX© brand media. [UPROXX]

Worst UFC Cake Ever - This is what happens when you spend too much time on the cage and not enough time on the fighters. The line between “MMA guys” and “gay gentlemen watching the clouds” is razor thin. [The Fight Nerd]

Jeremy Bridges crapped his pantsJeremy Bridges Pooped His Pants - His punishment should be never wearing those white uniforms again. Sometimes they just knock the sh*t out of you, I guess. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Real Steel Review: A Terrifying Commercial For A Dystopian Future - They totally skip over the 100 years or so when people go THIS IS FAKE, ROBOTS AIN’T EVEN REALLY PEOPLE. Also, I don’t ever want to see a commercial for this f**king movie ever again. [Film Drunk]

The Problem With ‘Terra Nova’: Boring Characters - The other problem is Transformers disease: if you make a show about battling space robots, have the space robots battle each other, don’t show me what Average White American thinks about it. [Gamma Squad]

Lil Wayne Delivers 30-Minute PSA On His Legacy And Steve Jobs - He admired Steve Jobs’ poppin’ bottles and dipping just as much as Steve admired bartending and stripping. [Smoking Section]

Trailer for Reincarnated ‘Beavis & Butt-Head’ - So good. Now bring back Dog Boy! [Warming Glow]

10 Famous People Without Their Famous Facial Hair - See what Brian Wilson looked like before he started trying too hard! Also, Ron Swanson sans mustache is still the weirdest thing ever. He looks like a pug. [Buzzfeed]

The Most Banned Horror Movies in History - I miss the 70s, where you could just rip a turtle apart on film and rape somebody and it was considered a classic. [Moviefone]

Ben & Jerry’s Supports Occupy Wall Street - I bet the hard-assed Republicans at Rice Dream think otherwise. [The Daily What]

The Ten Best Cartoons From The 80s - Normally this kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but I want to know who at Unreality Mag decided “cartoons I remember from the 80s” was a good and unique idea in goddamned 2011 on the Internet. That list was played out back when we were starting X-Entertainment in like 1999. [Unreality]

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The 2011 World Beard Championships

Written by Ashley Burns / 05.16.11

Germany’s Elmar Weisser took home the top prize at the 2011 World Beard and Moustache Championship, as the 47-year old styled his facial hair into a moose and a Norwegian flag. This year’s contest took place in Norway, thus explaining why the German was kissing so much ass, and… I’m sorry, I’m just a little bitter right now. Weisser’s championship gave Germany seven gold medals at the event, while the United States only received six. Today, I am ashamed of the beard-growers of America.

Weisser is a veteran of the competition, held every two years, having won several times before.

He said his sister helped him with the creation, starting work at 7am.

“When my beard isn’t styled, it goes down to my waist. It is sort of folded up,” he said. (Via The West)

Ooh la la, your bearded majesty. I’ll have you all know that while I am north of 30 and still can’t grow facial hair, America is home to the world’s greatest beards. Just ask Carmella DeCesare. *high fives Terrell Owens five years ago*

Patriotism for styled flavor savors aside, this whole competition is pretty incredible, as these guys – and thankfully no Western European girls – take their beards and moustaches very seriously. How seriously? They spell it moustache. This year’s well-groomed competitors and a trip down memory lane after the jump.

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