Sports

The Most Unfair Characters in Video Game History - Bo Jackson from Tecmo Bowl, the Miami Heat from NBA 2K11 and Michael Vick from every football game for like four years are included on this list, right alongside Dr. Wily. If we’re throwing in people from sports games, I’d like to nominate the entire roster of the American Dreams from Baseball Stars. [Smoking Section]

Behind Every Man: A Retrospective on Derek Jeter’s 3,000 Hits, Women - The most important aspect of Derek Jeter getting to 3,000 hits is that he has slept with (or at least Troy McClure-dated) nearly every attractive woman in Hollywood. I’d invite Jeter to my birthday party, but I’d be afraid he’d show up with Hayley from Paramore or whoever and just make out with her in front of me. I hate you, Derek Jeter >.< [With Leather]

Best and Worst of Raw 7/11: The Defining Moment of Our Generation - Actual important and cool things are happening on pro wrestling, so if you are one of those types who cheered for Stone Cold Steve Austin with your friends and haven’t given a sh:t since, jump in here and read all about it. Or, you know, don’t support the good stuff and we’ll have 10 more years of meandering crap. [With Leather]

On This Day in MMA History: July 12 - If you don’t like wrestling, you’ve probably never seen this baby photo of Brock Lesnar, and it is even better than you’re imagining. If I had three wishes, one of them would be to own a Baby Brock Lesnar. [Cage Potato]

Not Sports

RIP Sherwood Schwartz - Matt Ufford wrote a quicky eulogy for this guy, but he was actually super important to my life. I was a hyper-advanced only child without any form of ADD, so I spent way too much of my childhood staring at TV reruns, and without Sherwood Schwartz I would’ve been miserable and stuck watching NOVA. The Brady Bunch is shoot one of my favorite shows of all time, and last seasons Jan is the foxiest pre-birth crush ever. [Warming Glow]

Supercut: Cinemas Dirtiest Dirty Talk - I was hoping both American Psycho and Shark Attack 3: Megalodon would be in this, and I wasn’t disappointed. Not the kind of thing you should watch in front of people, but the kind of thing you should watch. [Film Drunk]

Meme Watch: The Zuckerberg Note Pass Is the Meme That Keeps on Giving - I feel bad that I think of Jesse Eisenberg now whenever I hear “Mark Zuckerberg”, to the point that real pictures of the guy look like an imposter. I wonder if Eisenberg is actually Facebook friends with Rashida Jones? [Uproxx]

The Live-Action Akira Has Finally Reached Its Apocalypse - The fact that the Akira movie is never going to get made is one of those things that help me know God exists. They wanted to make it about Keanu Reeves shooting machine guns and doing kung-fu with his motorcycle. Jesus Christ. [Gamma Squad]

Sports

It Almost Happened: Michael Jordan to the Clippers - I can’t hear “Jordan to the Clippers? It almost happened!” in anything but Phil Hartman’s Troy McClure voice. I wish this would’ve happened, just so I could’ve see the words GREAT CLIPS in big letters without having to get my hair cut. [Smoking Section]

Punte on The Wrestling Podcast - In case you think I’m turning With Leather into With Spandex (c’mon Uproxx, that’s a money idea), here’s the previous managing editor on TH’s wrestling podcast talking about wrestling. See? I’m not that weird. The best part is when they mention what a great job I’m doing! [The Wrestling Podcast]

Tony Dungy Picture Demands Captions - I was going to run this yesterday, but couldn’t come up with anything more clever than HE GAY. Obviously you want to go the Revenge of the Nerds route here, but I don’t even think Lamar would wear shorts like that. [Kissing Suzy Call-ber]

War Machine is Writing a Book - What’s next, a memoir from US Agent? [Cage Potato]

Cliff Lee’s Spit Capable of Extinguishing Forest Fires - Jon gets to the “super soaker where you had to wear a backpack” reference before I can. Cliff Lee is still my favorite baseball player, and the number three reason why I sort of root for the Phillies (numbers one and two being “Phillie Phanatic” and “my girlfriend” respectively). [SB Nation]

The Dugout: Meet the Daigles - People are telling me this is the “funniest Dugout in years”, and I’m flattered enough to #humblebrag about it here. I think the best names for boys is just nouns. [The Dugout]

Not Sports

Lindsay Lohan is Never Going to Jail For Real For Anything - Lohan escapes further arrest while technically being arrested, and I think she could reanimate and kill the body of Nicole Brown Simpson in front of everybody and still get away with it. And I’m in the minority, I don’t really care about foxy teen Lohan, but LOVE cracked-out, omnisexual, constantly smoking MILF version. [The Superficial]

Midnight in Paris is Bill and Ted for Liberal Arts Majors - Arguably Bill and Ted itself is Bill and Ted for liberal arts majors. Bogus Journey, definitely. Bogus Journey is the best, and if you haven’t watched it in 20 years, go back and do that now. The movie’s climax is FAKE BEARDS. [Film Drunk]

Winklevoss Twins Finally Give Up the Fight with Facebook - Brandon Stroud likes this. In an older joke, they should CGI two Tilas Tequila as the villains for the Myspace movie. [Uproxx]

Tom Hanks No Habla Espanol - His cries of “WILSON!” would’ve been less impactful if the’d been “wheel-SONE!” Tom Hanks is Woody AND Forrest Gump, he can speak whatever language he wants. Colin Hanks, however, should only speak Spanish. [Warming Glow]

A new study by the social media service FanGager has determined that the “fans” on Manchester United’s Facebook page are the most active of any fan page on Mark Zuckerberg’s cash cow. Out of the Top 15 fan pages listed in the study, Man U. ranks 8th in the actual number of fans at 9,915,504 (as of the study’s end) but the club’s 256,206 “active” fans gives the page the highest active percentage at 2.6%. Finishing second was Justin Bieber’s Facebook fan page, which means that the teenage singer is officially worse than soccer.

According to Wired:

Launched in the U.S. one month ago, FanGager uses Facebook and Twitter open APIs to track social activity and brand engagement. After producing a report for a brand, FanGager offers a selection of applications that allow companies to build fan activity and engagement.

“Brands have been collecting fans and followers for some time,” Eran Gefen, FanGager’s founder and CEO, told Wired.com in a recent interview. “But the real question is not how many fans you have, but how many active and engaged fans you have.”

And that’s true, because the active fans are those who are stupid enough to click on the advertising links that Khloe Kardashian sends out in order to collect $10,000 per click.

Aside from pop culture sensations like Bieber, Glee, Jersey Shore, Ke$ha and Britney Spears, Man U. also topped popular sports pages like Real Madrid C.F. and FC Barcelona, while the Kansas City Royals fan page fell just short*.

Read the rest of this entry »

–via Chicago Tribune

Soccer players have been notorious for having some of the hottest WAGs in the world, but they usually don’t need help from Facebook. Chicago Fire defender Krzysztof Krol was crowned the grand master of Facebook when he recently started dating Playboy model Patrycja Mikula. How did he score such an awesome date? He got her phone number off her Facebook page. Take it from here, Puppet LeBron.

And here I was, thinking that looking for love on the internet was for pederasts and ugly people. The two Poles certainly made me look stupid, when they were married at Chicago’s City Hall earlier this week.

Fire defender Krzysztof Krol called the phone number on Patrycja Mikula’s Facebook page in May even though he’d never met the Playboy model. Less than two months later, Krol and Mikula were saying “I do.”

The Polish couple got married on Thursday at Chicago’s City Hall, seven weeks after they began dating. They plan on having a church wedding in Chicago in December after the Major League Soccer season. –The Chicago Tribune via Sports Illustrated

Call me old fashioned, but marrying a girl you’ve only known for seven weeks has to be one of the worst ideas of all time. Although, if I was playing in the MLS, I wouldn’t be comforted knowing that she wasn’t going out with me for the money. I don’t think the guys on Real Salt Lake could swing the VIP booth at Applebee’s. The article also explains how the two have already gotten their significant other’s name tattooed on their left arm, and how Patrycja’s ex is former UFC Heavyweight Champion Andrei Arlovski.

Normally, marrying your seven week girlfriend you met on Facebook, who happens to be the ex-lover of guy who beats the shit out of people for a living, would be a questionable life decision. Not when the girl in question looks like this. Then it’s probably the best idea of all time. She should consider modeling Bad Idea Jeans, but thinking of good ideas for Bad Idea Jeans makes my head hurt. Their first ad campaign after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »