Lobster Dog practices safe parachuting by wearing head gear. Douche Dog does not.

Every few years, a friend of mine will have a “milestone” birthday, which is another way for people to say, “Hey, I’m older than 30 and would like you to pretend like birthdays still matter”, and without fail there is always one guy who wants to go skydiving. Now, I have never accepted an invitation to do this, because I have a short list of things that I would not like to do, including:

• Wrestle alligators
• Be shot
• Go to prison
• Jump out of an airplane that is in the sky, high above the very hard ground

And there are a few others, but they’re much more graphic and will give people nightmares. But that last one – jumping out of an airplane – is a good one because whenever I tell people that I don’t want to try skydiving, someone always responds, “Don’t be a sissy, bro.” Yesterday, though, a 51-year old man in California helped prove why I am fine with being called a sissy.

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This is why you’re in the minors, you furry little bastard. Read the rest of this entry »

From the appropriately named folks at Break comes the delightful story of a retard biker trying to jump his bike down an entire flight of stairs, only to fail. How marvelous.

Because there’s no way I couldn’t edit this site for a day without showing you grisly footage of an extreme athlete suffering a nasty, brutal plummet back to Earth. That would be like KSK without dick jokes. Or Perez Hilton without gay little drawings on pictures. God, I’d like to ride a bike over that douchehole.