Ah, the 1990s … when gas was a dollar a gallon, Jenny McCarthy wasn’t making sociopolitical statements and all you needed to launch an expansion team was a bad market and the color purple (or teal). It was a time that gave us the Colorado Rockies, the Florida Marlins, the Vancouver Grizzlies and the most 1990s team of all, the Toronto Raptors. You saw Jurassic Park, didn’t you? Of course you did! And you loved it, right? Of course you did! HERE, HAVE A BASKETBALL TEAM. If they’d come along a few years later they would’ve been the “Toronto Independence Days.”

If you’re like me, you’ll be horrified to realize that Jurassic Park was released 20 years ago and that you are now old and think movies where dinosaurs eat guys on the toilet are dumb. Not Jurassic Park, though, the other ones. Jurassic Park is still amazing. But yeah, time marches on, the Florida Marlins go black and neon (and depressing) and become Miami, the Vancouver Grizzles drop the teal and relocate to Tennessee to become a real team, and the kids of 2013 don’t immediately think “RAPTORS” when you ask them to name something cool.

From The National Post:

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"Seriously, Peter King, I'm here right now. You've got me here."

Despite not having the best of track records and a history of disagreements between the league, teams and city, Los Angeles is going to have another NFL team soon enough. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has made it clear that he recognizes L.A. as the second largest media market in the country, and he knows that he’s missing out by not having a team there. Of course, you also need a stadium and fans, but baby steps, people.

Ever since Al Davis moved the Raiders back to Oakland in 1995, a number of teams have been rumored to be potential replacements in L.A., including the most recent suspects of the St. Louis Rams, Jacksonville Jaguars and Minnesota Vikings. But Goodell doesn’t want to upset a strong fan base like the one in Minnesota or six people in Jacksonville, so he’s going with the logical solution – add more teams to the league and screw up the current perfect system.

Commissioner Roger Goodell said Thursday night on Costas Tonight: Live from the Super Bowl that when it comes to the national’s [sic] second-largest market, he’s now more inclined to expand than relocate existing clubs … even if it means expanding twice.

“Really, we want to keep our teams where they are, and that’s the dilemma because not only do we have to get the stadium in L.A., then we have to find out how to get the team,” said the commish.

As for potential expansion plans, Goodell said, “We probably don’t want to go to 33,” adding he prefers 34. (Via the Tucson-Citizen)

Of course he prefers 34. Then he can justify putting a team in London and he wins the professional sports space race of being the first league commish to establish a full-time team on another continent. The results will be magnificent, as David Stern and Bud Selig will summon their dark hell forces and reign 1,000 years of fire and plague upon this Earth until Goodell mounts Shadid Kahn’s mustache like a Pakistani Falcor and delivers his NFL faithful to Valhalla. Or something like that.