Originally, I was going to write a few hundred words about how Kobe Bryant and Smush Parker are trading insults right now about their time as teammates 5 or 6 years ago. Bryant referred to Parker as the NBA’s equivalent of a walk-on and blames him and Kwame Brown for the Lakers being so terrible whenever they all played together (seriously, I don’t even feel like looking it up). So Parker, whose name I hadn’t even heard in at least 3 years, told one of his Walmart customers that Bryant was a terrible teammate (shocking) and that’s why he stopped passing to him.

And people are talking about this like crazy today, as if it’s some sort of revelation that Bryant is a selfish jerk, so I wanted to actually come to Bryant’s defense and tell Parker to stick to packing his tighty-whities for his trip back to China, where he’s paid to be awful at basketball. But then someone emailed me a link to photographer Terry Richardson’s website (NSFW*) and I was like, “Kobe who?”

Richardson, who is beloved by celebrities for being an artistic perv, decided to clear out the ol’ memory card on his camera and posted some new outtake photos from his last shoot with With Leather’s 2011 Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year and model Kate Upton. While I feel like I’ve already seen these photos, I don’t really care. It’s Friday. You’re welcome.

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Being a Miami Dolphins fans comes with few true joys these days – or, well, for the last 40 years – so it’s nice to see the team do something outside of blowing two overtime wins in the past two weeks in classic bonehead fashion. In this case, a group of Miami Dolphins cheerleaders and former players OJ McDuffie and Troy Drayton visited the 411th Engineer Brigade – the “Brigade of Choice” – in Afghanistan this past weekend.

While my favorite posts about soldiers involve them coming home, I certainly don’t have a problem with very attractive women going to visit them.

“It makes my heart happy to be here and see the smiling faces on everyone I meet,” said Samantha Ruiz, a fourth-year cheerleader with the Dolphins.

Ruiz, a native of Miami and full-time student at Florida International University said, “I met a lot of amazing people with great stories. This has been a once in a lifetime experience.” (Via Regional Command East)

And it wasn’t just great for the cheerleaders, as the troops sincerely appreciated the opportunity to meet, speak with and get pictures and autographs from these young ladies. Oh yeah, and those player dudes, whoever they are.

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Late last week, USA Today reported that the Dallas Cowboys would be opening a Cowboys-themed Victoria’s Secret at Cowboys Stadium. They didn’t explicitly say that it was to balance out Cowboys.com being lost at auction and turned into a gay country-and-western dating site, but we all know what’s going on here.

My experience at Cowboys Stadium has been limited to “pay 60 dollars to park at the Ballpark In Arlington and wedge myself into a monolithic spaceship full of drunk people who are expecting to be upset,” so being able to see sports-themed underpants as I wander by looking for a kiosk that sells fruit without beef juice injected into it will be a nice change of pace.

The Cowboys will have a ceremonial ribbon-cutting event that will take place a few hours before Monday’s kickoff.

And of course the benefit of an underwear store event: models.

Victoria’s Secret models Elsa Hosk and Jessica Hart will be in attendance, along with Jones’ daughter, the Cowboys’ executive VP for brand management.

That happened, and now thanks to contributions from the (cough) official Dallas Cowboys website and Fox Sports Southwest, we can take a look at them. It. The store. Whatever.

Please enjoy the photos. Oh, and if anybody from the Houston Texas is reading this, shoot me an e-mail. I’ve got a great idea for a Matt Schaub-themed Bath & Body Works.

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Controversial Statement of the Day: Brazilian women are awesome. Stop it. Stop arguing with me. You cannot change my mind, no matter how hard you try. Why am I being so arrogant in my opinion? Because I discovered the Miss Bum Bum Brasil competition this week, and the way I look at competitions that feature very attractive women will forever be altered.

Now, my Portuguese is a little rusty, in that I don’t know any, so I had to depend on Google’s translation of the Bum Bum Brasil website to know what this contest is all about. So I’ll let the organization’s leaders explain:

In its second edition in Brazil, Miss Bottom 2012 will present the 27 candidates who will represent their states to choose the country’s most beautiful bottom. I wonder who gets this title?

Each year the competition gets more space in the media, in 2011 the model Rosana Ferreira took the title , second place with this presenter Graciella Carvalho who recently signed a contract with Multishow and “bronze medal” with this actress Mariana Freitas.

I think I get it so far. What else?

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The other day, the above image of the Brooklyn Nets dancers, the Brooklynettes, hit the webs and two things occurred to me. First, the Brooklynettes is such an awesome name for their dancers and I will flick a booger at anyone who disagrees. Second, big whoop, we’ve known what their uniforms look like for two months now. But I guess this image showed off a little more of how edgy this squad of shakers and shimmiers will be, presumably as a distraction from Kris Humphries swallowing flies.

Yesterday, though, Amanda Lyn Ferri, one of the only reasons I still check my Tumblr (along with the Animal Blog), posted a picture of what she believes is the Brooklynettes’ inspiration…

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According to its website, Oxygen Magazine is a women’s fitness publication that helps females with exercise and nutrition tips so they can keep it tight, and we appreciate that. But obviously we appreciate women of all sizes, whether they’re fit and toned like Alessandra Ambrosio or a fatty fatty 2×4 can’t fit through the kitchen door like Kate Upton (jokes!). Oxygen also has a storied history of using toned fitness models in bikinis for its covers, so it’s safe to say that the publishers don’t have a problem with sex appeal.

OR DO THEY???

I bet you’d like to see the photo that Ronda Rousey claims was deemed too sexy, wouldn’t you?

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