For whatever reason, it was decided that Minnesota Timberwolves center Nikola Pekovic would walk in place in front of a green screen so someone could play Rockapella’s “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?” theme and make him look like he’s in the jungle.

I guess the best questions would be “what, why?”, but in a world where Bubba Watson has an all-golfer boy band and the UFC Middleweight Champion wants to f**k a BK Stacker, sometimes the best course of action is to take a step back, watch the video in stunned silence, and come up with a more esoteric, answerable question like, “why is he wearing a safari hat at the Great Wall Of China?”

Hopefully this leads to one of two things: a “Where In Time Is Nikola Pekovic?” follow-up where he waves and makes surprised faces at George Washington, or some sort of bonus round where Darko Miličić runs around on an Africa map trying to find Chad.

A month before the Boston Red Sox won their second World Series title in franchise history, pitcher “Smoky” Joe Wood was the target of a devious assassination conspiracy that rocked professional baseball to its core. Well, not really, because an actual death threat sent to the pitcher was only recently discovered by the gumshoes at Bugs and Cranks only 99 years after it was originally sent.

It appears that some dastardly villains in Cleveland didn’t want the Sox to defeat the New York Giants, and they knew that Wood was probably going to be a considerable part of Boston’s effort, as he was an excellent pitcher. Threats be damned, because Wood went on to record the W’s in three of Boston’s four wins and he survived until 1985, when nature’s assassin, old age, finally caught up to him.

Here’s the translation with no changes to the grammar that would still be considered passing in Florida public schools…

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