Dolphins Fans Are Doing The Occupy Thing

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.20.12

Yesterday we touched on the fury of a growing number of Miami Dolphins fans with the team’s GM Jeff Ireland, and how the first step in this united fan coup was roughing up the guy’s Wikipedia page. Part two begins a little later today, as a South Florida radio station claims fans are going to show up to team facilities and protest the franchise’s seemingly inept free agency, as punctuated by the signing of QB David Garrard late yesterday.

Fans across message boards and comment sections have even gone as far as to boringly dub this effort “Occupy the Dolphins.” Man, I guess you could say there’s really some ire in the land right now.

*flushes toilet*

Not so fast, though, says Miami Herald beat writer Armando Salguero. Sure, Ireland hasn’t done anything great during his GM tenure, but has he done anything really that bad to deserve something as cruel as Wikipedia editing?

Someon (sic) hacked into Ireland’s Wikipedia page Tuesday and edited in some unkind things about him being born in a Denny’s parking lot etc… Maybe that sounds funny to you. Maybe you’re cheering the imagination of that move. I guess I’m not talking to you.

I am talking to the folks who are thinking for themselves. Break down the moves on their own merit. Tell me what you would have done. Tell me where you would depart from the current course.

Be fair.

Yeah, don’t say the dude was born in a Denny’s parking lot. That’s not cool. That’s like asking a potential draftee if his mom is a prostitute. Sports fans are always supposed to be calm, mature and rational at all times, but apparently Salguero’s plea for tranquility came a few hours too late, as someone also made some changes to Dolphins owner Stephen Ross’ Wikipedia last night.

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Happy NFL Free Agency, Everyone!

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.13.12

And we’re off. Well, we’ve actually already been off, because teams have been re-signing their free agents for most of the day, but now we’re finally going to get down to business and watch our favorite NFL teams jump all over the cream of this offseason’s free agent crop, and everything begins with the quarterback questions. First up is Peyton Manning, obviously, because if I squint really hard I can make my Twitter feed look like Manning and Dwight Howard had a threeway with Fab Melo today.

The favorites would appear to be the Arizona Cardinals and the Denver Broncos, because we’ve been led to believe that those are the only teams that Manning has met with. But apparently that’s not true, according to a blog on the Palm Beach Post’s website today.

Word broke late Monday night that the Dolphins did, in fact, meet with Manning for about six hours on Monday, just like he met with the Broncos and Cardinals for six hours each over the weekend. But in an interesting twist, Manning didn’t visit with the Dolphins in South Florida, even though he has a home here. Instead, Manning secretly met with the Dolphins in Indianapolis, likely to avoid the intense media crush that is trying to follow Manning’s every move.

That’s not too surprising, as Manning said that he would speak with Dolphins officials after he said he didn’t need to, and he also agreed to meet with Tennessee Titans officials after it was reported that he wasn’t going to meet with any other teams. After all of this is over, I’m going to need a nice, long nap.

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In Case You Were Wondering, Peyton Manning’s Neck Is Fine

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.09.12

"You tell me, herp should I derp?"

Since officially becoming a free agent on Wednesday, Peyton Manning is the most popular dude at the desperation party, as basically any team in need of a quarterback is banging down his door. While Manning apparently claimed that he will have a decision made by the end of next week, the Kansas City Chiefs have set the bar with an unknown offer.

Meanwhile, the Denver Broncos are supposedly willing to do whatever it takes to land Manning, and even people in Philadelphia are calling for the Eagles to sign him. And, of course, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has his checkbook out as he laughs at everyone. So what the hell is really going on? You know, with the guy’s surgically repaired neck and that stuff that sort of matters.

“His risk really is very low,” said Dr. Robert S. Bray Jr., who has worked with NHL star Sidney Crosby and whose DISC Sports & Spine Center provides medical services for the U.S. Olympic team.

“If I was a team, I’d ask, ‘Did (the fusion) heal? Do you have a CAT scan that showed it healed? Is the rest of neck in pretty good shape?”‘ Bray asked. “If those two answers are yes, then it gets down to, ‘OK, get out on the field and show me you can perform,’ because it will only get better from here with time.” (Via the Indy Star)

I’m no NFL general manager, but I assume that all of the guys who are figuring out ways to kill each other to sign Manning probably already asked this question and that’s why they’re doing what they’re doing. But having been a Dolphins fan for this long, I still worry that maybe Jeff Ireland doesn’t put too much thought into something like this and Manning could be rolling around in one of those electric wheelchairs powered by a straw and he’d be like, “So let me tell you why you’d be great in Miami.”

Also, photoshops like this do more harm to my sports sensitivity than they do my hopes…

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Miami Dolphins Fans Are About To Be Even More Unbearable

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.23.12

Before anyone barges in here with pitchforks and gunpowder, please remember that I am a Miami Dolphins fan and I’m incredibly bitter about my favorite NFL team’s struggles. That said, I’m not exactly on the same page just yet as the people who are behind the new website, Manning To Miami.

In case you’ve been living under Chad Henne’s helmet, there’s a strong possibility that the Indianapolis Colts will release Peyton Manning instead of paying him his $28 million bonus in a week, because of that whole four neck surgeries in a year thing. So of course the QB-starved Dolphins fans want GM Jeff Ireland to jump all over Manning so he can come in and not be healthy in a Miami uniform.

Be Part OF “The Movement” and Make History – BRING MANNING TO MIAMI – This site has been created to help influence Peyton Manning and the Miami Dolphins that “Manning to Miami” is a movement and marriage that the entire South Florida community is behind. Tell family, friends (even enemies), tell co-workers, business associates to cast their vote and make a difference in Bringing Manning to Miami.

Ugggggggggh, this is why we can’t have nice things, Miami.

If Manning is healthy, then obviously fans of any team – short of the New England Patriots, Green Bay Packers, New Orleans Saints, Detroit Lions and New York Giants – should want him in their uniform. But he’s not healthy, as far as we know, otherwise the Colts wouldn’t be looking at dumping their instant Hall of Fame inductee.

I mean, if I’m the Dolphins GM and I’m looking at what the team needs, I’m signing a quality pass rusher, a second stud receiver (*cough* Pierre Garcon *cough*) and some more depth on the offensive line. Then, if he wants to play for a reasonable price and there aren’t a few dozen question marks floating over his health, I’ll take a shot at Manning.

But my biggest concern is that if the Dolphins do sign him, Miami fans are going to turn the obnoxious up to 11. Spoiler alert: They will.

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Jason Campbell Out Indefinitely With Cold Feet

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.21.12

According to his wedding website, free agent quarterback Jason Campbell was quite excited to marry his longtime, on-again/off-again girlfriend, Jenny Montes, at the Paradisus Palma Real in the Dominican Republic. Campbell’s massive wedding party included other NFL players like Ronnie Brown, Carlos Rogers, Jacoby Ford and Louis Murphy. Somewhere, Cadillac Williams shed a single tear.

But apparently it all fell apart during the day leading up to the Super Bowl of Campbell’s heart. Reports are mostly vague as to why the couple called it off, so I chose to go with the most ridiculous source I could find, from a site that watermarked the NFL logo.

Take it away, Media Take Out:

Jason’s fiance Jenny is a beautiful woman, and an MTOer. She had been pursued by TONS of ballers, but she chose to date Jason, when he was a rookie and his NFL career was uncertain.

The two met and started dating 5 years ago, and after a long separation found each other again. Jenny and her family were excited to fly down to the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, to celebrate their nuptials. But that was not to be, Jason INEXPLICABLE BROKE IT OFF just hours before the ceremony was set to begin, stunning guests.

How hard is it to create a sensationalized gossip story that doesn’t have Swiss cheese logic? First of all, the two met and started dating in 2005, but if the wedding was in the Dominican Republic on Saturday, why wasn’t the family already there? Probably because they mutually called off the wedding on Friday and he definitely did not stand her up at the altar, according to CNN’s Kate Longworth.

But I like to think that Campbell and Brown decided to run away together. Unfortunately, they only made it 2 yards.

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