It’s pretty safe to say that things aren’t going too well for Chad Johnson right now. The 34-year old receiver has probably played his last days in the NFL, as the Miami Dolphins have cut him in the wake of – but not necessarily because of – his arrest for domestic assault on his wife, Evelyn Lozada Ochocinco, and their VH1 reality show has also been canceled. Seeing as this is the second time that Johnson has dealt with domestic violence charges – the first incident occurred in 2000 – it’s safe to say the NFL won’t look too favorably upon Johnson playing for some time.

This fall from grace has caused some people to look back to a comment that Johnson made recently, as he declared that if the Dolphins cut him, he’d probably turn to a life in pornography. Joke or not, that can now be his reality, as the people at PornHub are offering Johnson a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

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Ochocinco and Terrell Owens got together at some point during the winter, shotgunned a marathon of ‘Necessary Roughness’ and decided they could get their shit together and have a Diva Wide Receiver Renaissance. T.O. showed up in Seattle to run the 40 in 4.45 and earn himself a one year, $1 million contract. Ochocinco showed up in Miami, legally changed his name back to Chad Johnson (because serious business) and focused on the finer points of his game, using the experience he’s earned from a decade in pro football to …

Wait, I’m sorry, what?

According to [Davie police captain Dale] Engle, Johnson and his wife, Evelyn Lozada, were driving to their home in Davie after dinner Saturday night when Lozada found a receipt for a box of condoms in the car, sparking an argument that got “heated.”

When they arrived at their home, the argument “escalated quite a bit,” Engle said, and Johnson and Lozada butted heads, giving Lozada a laceration on her forehead. Lozada told police that Johnson purposely head-butted her, while Johnson told police it was accidental. (via Palm Beach Post)

welp,

This is one of those situations where blogger analysis is useless, because Jesus, I’ve never found myself “accidentally headbutting” someone so hard it opens them up in an argument over condom receipts. Johnson was released from jail on $2,500 bond and Miami terminated his contract within the day.

You’d think the rest of the Dolphins would just throw up their hands, say “okay, fine, whatever” and move on with their lives, but we live in a world where everyone has an opinion, so someone’s inevitably got to have the “who cares if he rage-headbutted a lady, we’ve got football to play” one. Dolphins linebacker Karlos Dansby, everybody:

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