What you’re watching is the latest video from the confrontationally-capitalized talkSPORT Magazine. “People Are Awesome” (Sports Edition) compiles some of the best videos of humans being “pretty bloody good at sport” and is a great way to spend five minutes of your holiday-weekend Friday afternoon. Your jaw’s guaranteed to drop at least once or twice.

The only problem is that about 10 seconds in the video compromises its integrity by throwing in an Evan Longoria Gillette commercial, causing me (and most people, I’m assuming) to spend the rest of the video trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t. The parkour stuff looks real. The hip-hop dog at the end isn’t real no matter what the YouTube description says. Enya dubstep remixes? Definitely real.

Check that out and draw your own conclusions. If you like it, the original full-length “People Are Awesome” (80% Powerade Commercials And Us Being Trick By Things Edition) is after the jump.

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Ugh, look away! They're heinous!

Back when I was the editor of my student newspaper in college, I drew the ire and attention of the local chapter of the National Organization of Women after I wrote a harmless entertainment editorial about how the James Bond franchise should be celebrated for creating empowering characters in the Bond girls. Of course, the male president of this NOW chapter (*rolls eyes*) argued that Bond girls were objectified sluts, but it taught me an important lesson that if you take a stance regarding women and their looks, you’re going to piss people off.

And the point of this edition of “Cool Story, Bro” is that nobody ever taught CNBC reporter Darren Rovell that lesson, because on Saturday night, the self-proclaimed “Twitter police” had the balls to Tweet the following from the Playboy Super Bowl party:

Obviously, if you’re familiar with Rovell’s work, he likes to play with numbers, throw around statistics about money and impose his will on anyone who listens. He needs us all to know that he’s in charge and we’re just the pooper scoopers of his Twitter elephant. There isn’t really a big problem with that Tweet, as there just weren’t enough ladies for his liking, so he vented a little. Then he vented a lot.

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Today at With Leather and across the sports-o-sphere has been a celebration of the “greatest night in baseball history”. If you aren’t up to speed, you can check out some of the amazing statistics or take a look at the emotional faces of men who both played in and watched the games.

The Tampa Bay Rays are going to the playoffs, and that works out well for The Dugout — that be-goggled gentleman in the photo is Kyle Farnsworth, relief pitcher and folk hero of the Official Chatroom For Major League Baseball. He pitched nearly a full inning against New York’s Scott Proctor, and if you’re a Dugout historian (and I know you are) you’ll know important that is to our epic, long-term storytelling.

Regardless, please enjoy today’s Dugout, which is technically the first in our semi-annual, semi-daily recapping of the MLB playoffs. (And drop us a comment, would you?)

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"Apparently we are still in Kansas."

The hyperbole has been intense over the past 12 hours or so since Evan Longoria barreled through his teammates to touch home plate last night. Scott Van Pelt repeatedly reiterated that “nothing is better than sports, ever.” And we agreed. The Twitterverse displayed a million different versions of “This can’t be real!” as people marveled at the heroics of Longoria and his teammates and the breakdown of Jonathan Papelbon and his. We also agreed.

To call it the best night in the history of baseball, though, is a bit of a stretch. Don’t get me wrong, I watched all of the action of each game live, flipping back and forth as each inning became crazier than the one before it. But is it still better than a great World Series Game 7? That’s a pretty tough call. So I will settle on the Greatest Night In Regular Season Baseball History.

Nevertheless, it was great for baseball. I’m sure that as Bud Selig is briefing the umpires on how his Milwaukee Brewers need to win*, he’s smiling a little wider than usual, perhaps even thinking of a bigger statue that he can build outside of Miller Park. Too bad it couldn’t be that great for everyone. As always, there are winners and losers, and as a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I am generally regarded as more intelligent, classy, handsome, and sympathetic than other baseball fans. So I thought we’d pay tribute to the faces of the people who gave us “Baseball’s Greatest Night.”

*You know, hypothetically.

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Last night was one of the greatest nights in the history of the American League, and maybe baseball itself. Evan Longoria was hitting a walk-off homer to push the Tampa Bay Rays into the playoffs … and at almost the exact same moment, Robert Andino of the Baltimore Orioles was singling to left to pull the Boston Red Sox out.

One of the reasons baseball and the moments that make it great are so engaging is that there’s a stat for literally everything; if you look hard enough, you could probably find a website listing caught-stealing ratios explaining how the amount of drug vials in Tim Raines’ pockets effected his baserunning.

What you see on the left is a pair of amazing charts from Sports Club Stats — the one at the top is titled “Tampa Bay Rays Chance Will Make Playoffs”. The one on the bottom, “Boston Red Sox Chance Will Make Playoffs”. They become even more fun when you play with the interactive versions, which allow you to hover over each little circle and find out what was going on and why it’s so high or low on the chart. Compare and contrast them for yourself:

Boston Red Sox Chance Will Make Playoffs
Tampa Bay Rays Chance Will Make Playoffs

Wonderful. I’m guessing Baltimore’s has been a straight line tracing the bottom since 1997.

[h/t Matt Ufford]

E-van! Get the tables!

With Leather

The Dugout: Evan Longoria’s Police Report - If you missed Friday’s edition of The Dugout, don’t; it contains references to Ice Cube, MotorStorm, and Evan Longoria stealing from dying children with an automatic weapon. Exactly the kind of thing sports blogs should be covering. [The Dugout]

The Greatest Collection of Kate Upton Photos Ever - Reproduced for no reason, really, one of our Kate Upton galleries. This is the kind of thing you should revisit on a Monday morning to get your blood pumping. Also, to remind yourself that no woman is perfect and they’re all disappointing and flawed! [With Leather]

Happy 58th Birthday Hulk Hogan, Now Here’s Your Naked Daughter - Brook’s comments on Twitter: “Im SO sick of people saying me and my dad are in some perverted relationship! Go home and do your own thing! Stop picking on me!” Our response? Stop giving us ammo. [With Leather]

Burnsy’s Bad Advice - A series you should click back through, if only to find the parts that are already wrong. I always want to say “fantasy sports are a crap shoot, not a science, you can just pick people based on chaos theory and win”, and then I remember how every month we do DraftStreet fantasy sports and the same 10 guys murder me, so maybe Burnsy just knows what he’s talking about. [With Leather]

Elsewhere On Uproxx

Jay-Z & Kanye West – Otis Video - Worth it for the in-character Tom Haverford cameo. Somewhat not worth it for Kanye West’s inability to try hard. Sorta like listening to the radio and someone’s conversation at the same time. [Smoking Section]

The Greatest Collection of Corgi GIFs Ever Created - If Queen Kate Upton didn’t make you click, the cute dog from Cowboy Bebop will. I pretend every corgi I see is Ein. Makes me feel a little better about not living in the post-apocalyptic future. [Warming Glow]

Tom Felton Attempts to Slytherin in Your Pants with Harry Potter Pick-Up Lines - Tom Felton should attempt to stop making his face look forty. [Gamma Squad]

Director Promises Human Centipede 3 Will Be 1,000 Percent More Medically Accurate - Sometimes I wish perverted movies could be made by artists, and not just perverts. I like that the original concept of “haha ew they’re pooping in each others’ mouths” has now been enough to make three movies. [Film Drunk]

Not Sports

10 Commercials from Famous Directors - I don’t know a lot, but I know David Fincher’s “Leave Nothing” Nike commercial with LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Polamalu is the best commercial of all time. That sh*t makes me cry, and is legitimately better than 9 of 10 movies. [Ask Men]

Hanson Is Feuding with Kings of Leon - I’m siding with Hanson on this one. Honestly, I’d side with Hitler if he was feuding with the Kings of Leon. Ugh, Kings of Leon. I liked you guys better when you were trying to be Stillwater. [FARK]

More Accurate Titles for New Fall TV Shows - “Crap with eight episodes you’ll scroll past on Hulu Plus to get to Parks and Rec.” There, I saved you ten minutes of reading. [College Humor]

Cinema’s 12 Greatest Albino or Albino-like Characters - Chances are I’ll link any article that lets me make a Powder joke. I hope the director went to the studio execs and said “okay, I want to make a movie about a guy who gets pushed in the mud so he kills himself with lightning”. [Pajiba]