If this ends up being true, it might be the greatest thing ever: during an interview with KXTG in Portland, Oregon, former Packers offensive lineman Matt Brock introduced the theory that Ndamukong Suh’s Thanksgiving stomp session may have happened because Green Bay offensive line coach James Campen told Evan Dietrich-Smith to untie Suh’s shoes. Seriously.
From the MLive.com transcript, with a hat tip Shutdown Corner:
The center, or one of his guards, he’s had like one or two starts in his career and he’s got to play against Suh. So he’s pretty puckered, right? So, he talking to James, the offensive line coach, going, “What do I do? What do I do?”
James is just in his mind going, “This guy is going to get killed. I got to take his mind off it, give him something else to do.” So he says, “Ok, every time you’re in a pile, I want you to focus on something. I want you to untie his shoes.”
He goes, “What?”
“Anytime you can, just reach in, he’s got floppy shoe laces, he doesn’t spat or anything, just untie his shoes. It will irritate him.”
He untied his shoes three times in the game. That’s why he stomped him. That’s why he banged his head on the ground and he stomped him. When (Suh) went to the sideline it looked like he was telling the coach, “I didn’t do anything” and he put his foot up like, “I didn’t stomp him. I didn’t do anything.” He was actually going, “The damn guy keeps untying my shoes.”
Two things come to mind:
1. Thank God Suh doesn’t play baseball, if an untied shoelace can set him off like that, who knows how he’d react to a shaving cream pie to the face. Roger McDowell would sneak up to give him a hot foot and get his skull crushed.
2. Suh should consider switching to velcro. You can’t tie it, and it makes an angry noise when you pull it apart.
You know, for some reason I thought Ndamukong Suh transmogrifying from the Bob’s Big Boy to humiliate the Cleveland Browns was going to be the best part of this video, but no, in the very next scene he uses a Spirit Bomb to attack Jay Cutler (which, while hilarious, doesn’t seem necessary … you had to break out the Spirit Bomb to defeat Jay Cutler?). And somewhere near the end, Suh gets put in a circus cage as punishment for killing Evan Dietrich-Smith, dismembering him and eating his bones, complete with Resident Evil 1 blood spray. A part of me wishes it’d actually gone down like that, just to see what the NFL would do.
