Since ABC televised the Oscars last night, Jimmy Kimmel managed to get a handful of big-time guests for his show following that telecast. And he also got some of the hottest women in Hollywood to take part in this spoof workout video that he put together. Jessica Biel, Minka Kelly, and even old WL fave ScarJo is in it, among others, and if Kimmel wasn’t wearing an ass-tastic thong here you could almost whittle your afternoon away watching this.

And Kelly Ripa has some terrifying talking abs. No wonder Regis is quitting. Watch it after the jump, or if you’re stuck someplace without Flash, like at work or on an iPad, we have stills for you as well.
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Despite a report from TMZ that San Antonio Spurs guard Tony Parker was divorcing television actress Eva Longoria, it’s actually Longoria that has filed to end her marriage of over 3 years to the NBA star.

The petition cites only the standard “irreconcilable differences” for the split. But this past week the couple have been rocked with infidelity rumors, with claims that Tony has been unfaithful.

Longoria is seeking spousal support from Parker, but no other financial matters are listed. The petition says their date of separation is still to be determined.

–People.

Apparently, and you’ll never believe this, Parker was trading text messages with a “mutual female friend” for over a year. Text messages? I’m stunned. Well, she was Latino, he was teammates with Tim Duncan; it was a miracle that they lasted this long. I’m still amazed that anyone famous still gets married anymore. See what you’re missing, gays? No, that’s a joke. The gays will figure out how to stay married before any straight people do.

Eva Longoria was with her boo, Tony Parker, at an exhibition game between USA and France at Madison Square Garden this weekend. The game was a gear up for the World Basketball Championships that will take place in Turkey later this summer, and while a lot of the biggest American stars (Dwayne Wade, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James) will not be suiting up for the stars and stripes, the team is still chock full of good players.

The US won the game 86-55, but no one cares about that. The only important that happened was that Eva Longoria was in an outfit that made her legs look supafantastic. So supafantastic, in fact, that she grabs the attention of just about every male within a 5 row radius.

“Psh, that’s nothing,” Khloe Kardashian said. “I could make all of those guys throw up, lickity split. Which really is more impressive, if you think about it.” And that, my friends, is the first time you’ve heard the phrase “lickity split” this decade. You’re welcome.

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For the first time in a long while, Hollywood writers and producers are actually doing something good.  They may be even saving the world:

Actress Eva Longoria has reportedly been hit with a baby ban by the producers of hit TV show Desperate Housewives for fear of ruining their scripts. Creator/producer Marc Cherry told Longoria during her French fairytale wedding to basketball star Tony Parker last Saturday that she needs to postpone falling pregnant because it hasn't been written into the show for her character, Gabrielle Solis. 

But weren't Parker and Longoria married in the Roman Catholic Church?  So does this mean they must abstain from partaking in  the joy (or sorrow as it were) of their connubial bed? You see, my fellow Catholics and I are forbidden from using contraceptive devices.  I suppose they could use that Natural Family Planning Method crap (we are allowed to use basic math to prevent pregnancies, just not science), and that works real well.  It's efficacy can be seen in my many siblings and 121 first cousins.  Maybe the Antichrist is on his way; the Cubs have won a lot lately. -KD

Via SPORTSbyBROOKS.   

Dwyane Wade rejected Tony Parker on consecutive possessions in the fourth quarter during today's Heat vs. Spurs game.  After the second block, a one-on-one situation, Parker's johnson fell to the court, he dropped to his knees and began to openly weep.  He screamed "Je suis un eunuque maintenant!" ("I am a eunuch now!") to the rafters of American Airlines Arena.  Eva Longoria, Parker's fianceé, was in attendance to witness the public castration.  Wade finished the game with 26 points, 18 in the fourth quarter to propel Miami to a 100-85 victory, as the final minutes of the game were played virtually five on four as Parker laid where had dropped, sobbing in the fetal position.

Longoria and Parker plan to marry in Paris on July 7, 2007, but now, since Parker can not consummate the marriage, there is doubt whether the fairy-tale wedding will take place at all.  A star of ABC's Desperate Housewives, Longoria has shown her proclivity for romantic trysts with low-level employees and men who do the real dirty work: such as gardeners or assistant editors of sports blogs.

She has often been overheard telling friends that she wished she could find a man whose first language was English, knew arcane baseball statitstics and was a Catholic she could take home to mother, but where can a woman find such a remarkable man? -KD