Have you ever wondered what Charles Barkley thinks about America’s Presidents? So far his opinions have been mostly about whether or not he’s a role model (he is not), how everyone who isn’t Charles Barkley plays basketball (turrible), Weight Watchers (it’s a scam) and the Five Buck Box (it rocks, it rocks). Also, hey, have you ever wanted to imagine Ernie Johnson as a slave-master? I know I have.

Please enjoy this soundbite from the Sprint Halftime Report, wherein Sir Charles ranks Abraham Lincoln over his previous favorite, Barack Obama, because Daniel Day-Lewis hasn’t played Obama in a movie. Yet.

“Abe Lincoln’s my new favorite president. Know why? If it wasn’t for him we would be calling Ernie, Boss.”

Part of me wishes Barkley had gone with a less talked-about President (suggestion: “James K. Polk’s my new favorite president. Know why? Because he was the Napoleon of the stump.”), but I understand his choice. Abe was an important guy. He also loved sports, which makes Barkley’s pick even better. Want to know how awesome Abraham Lincoln was at sports? Here’s an historical drawing of him chokeslamming a dude:

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I ran into Charles Barkley at a bar in Orlando on my 30th birthday a few years back, as he was in town for the NBA playoffs, and I had two of my paid escorts attractive lady friends approach him and ask if he’d take a picture with me for my birthday and he said no. Two seconds later, I saw a flash go off and there was the Round Mound of Poon Hound taking a picture with four random girls. Naturally, I was a little pissed, but “Cool story, bro” aside, this is my way of saying that because Barkley is a dick, a lot of us have grown quite fond of him as a TNT analyst for the NBA. His honesty is simply fresh and funny.

But that doesn’t mean that he is a comedian. Barkley hosted “Saturday Night Live” for the third time this past Saturday, marking the second year in a row that he’s hosted the first show of the new year. And just like his first appearance in 1993 and his second appearance last year, Barkley’s third go as host was filled with terrible delivery, poor timing and the most excruciating cue card reading this side of an infomercial for The Perfect Meatloaf.

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