A for effort, but it doesn't make much sense.

Dwyane Wade was pissed that the Indiana Pacers were celebrating their Game 2 win in Miami earlier this week, and he was pissed that the refs weren’t calling fouls the way he’d prefer. So when most people expected him to respond with a Dwyane Wade game in Indiana last night, he shocked everyone when he barely showed up with a Harold Miner game. Wade scored 5 whole points as the Pacers trounced the Heat 94-75, and the “haters”, I believe, are throwing a parade in every major city this morning.

It’s just one game, and unless the Heat lose the next one, I think it’s safe to say the notion of the Heat being in panic mode is a bit silly and premature. But for at least one night, the people who have begged and prayed for the Heat to lose were celebrating their butts off on Twitter. And my favorite Tweet, which I assume was meant to mock all of the people Tweeting incredibly nasty comments at Wade and the Heat, came from Wade’s girlfriend, Gabrielle Union.

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It is futile to resist the comedy of Flula Borg, a Bavarian-born German DJ and Dirk Nowitzki supporter who has succinctly and amazingly stated everything wrong with the Miami Heat. I could blog about these guys for a hundred years and never get it this right. Highlights include LeBron James being French, velociraptor Chris Bosh changing Erik Spoelstra’s sh**ty diaper and Juwan Howard’s parents being 38 when they made him. “This is amazing! Congratulate, Juwan!” He might be clinically insane, he might be Borat, but his video is a must watch. And a must watch again.

I want this to be a fair and balanced sports blog, so if you see someone other than the Westboro Baptist Church protesting the Dallas Mavericks, please, send it along. I think my favorite criticism so far has been “Jason Kidd is old and not great.” Well yeah, obviously, but I was still shouting GAME OVER MAN when he drained that three.

[big H/T to Off the Bench]

Nobody played the point like Douche Dog.

I will admit, the Miami Heat had me scared that I’d be eating my words yet again. But Kevin Durant and the Oklahoma City Thunder finally put an end to their woes against LeBron James-led teams and defeated Miami 96-85 last night. And of course this now means that the Heat’s detractors have all the fuel they need for the remainder of the regular season to remind James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh that they are not as good as the 2009-10 Cleveland Cavaliers. Even if the Heat win the rest of their regular season games, they would still finish one game behind James and the Cavs, who led the NBA with a 61-21 record last season. I believe it was Sigmund Freud who once said, “Womp womp.”

Durant led the way with 28 points and Russell Westbrook chipped in 18, while Wade and Bosh scored 21 each, and James had 19. Wade provided the biggest highlight of the night – an easy Play of the Year contender, according to my Heat friends who went crazy on Facebook – with a two-handed dunk over Kendrick Perkins early in the game, but he unfortunately didn’t go for the Rock and Jock 11-point rim. All things considered, this is probably the best thing that could happen to the Heat, because they seem to play much better when everyone is pouring on the criticism. Hell, if I were Erik Spoelstra, I’d egg Stan Van Gundy’s house and slash his tires. Then I’d get a haircut.

Highlights after the jump…

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That Tweet above earned Fort Worth Star-Telegram writer Dwain Price a Top Tweet on Sunday (I have five to my record, but who is counting?) and his statement is now moot, because with the Miami Heat’s 105-96 loss to the Portland Trail Blazers at home last night, it is now impossible for LeBron James’ South Beach talents to finish with a better regular season record than his 2009-10 Cleveland Cavaliers. With 18 games left on the schedule, the Heat would have to win all of them to match the Cavs’ 61-21 record from last year. And with the resurgent Los Angeles Lakers and the red hot Memphis Grizzlies up next, I’m going to assume that’s not happening.

So as the Heat have dropped five straight, coach Erik Spoelstra admitted to the media that his players cried after losing to the Chicago Bulls on Sunday and then blamed the media for reporting it, and Orlando Magic coach Stan Van Gundy is suddenly praised for his remarks about the Heat, it appears to be time to ask the big question – did LeBron make the wrong decision by choosing the Heat over staying in Cleveland and fulfilling his promise of winning a championship? And while the immediate answer is no, because he still has 18 games left to at least tie the Cavs’ NBA-best regular season record last year – oh, and the playoffs, of course – the question is going to be raised by everyone now. I’m just trying to prepare you.

Highlights of last night’s game after the jump…

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The Miami Heat are in third place in the East right now, having lost their third straight game on Sunday against Chicago, and the big three (in lowercase) made a big deal about it, even crying about the loss behind closed doors. Who told the rest of the world about the team’s private breakdown? Their coach, Erik Spoelstra. From the AP:

Spoelstra said some players were moved to tears in the Heat locker room. This much is clear: He and the Heat are hurting.

“One of these days, we will break through,” Spoelstra said.

So how badly have the Heat missed expectations? Quite impressively, actually.

What’s more important is this astonishing lack of clutch play from Miami’s troika of LeBron James(notes), Wade and Bosh. All three had exemplary clutch statistics in the seasons leading up to 2010-11, but in shots taken with less than 10 seconds to go in the fourth quarter or overtime, with Miami trailing by three or fewer points, the Heat have gone 1 for 18 this season.

–Kelly Dwyer/Ball Don’t Lie

Wade, Bosh, and James are finally suspecting what the world already knew: a team just can’t waltz into an NBA game with their Nike contracts and their talcum powder and their probably-should-be-a-technical-foul pull-ups on the rim and expect to win. That might work against Angola and Greece, but not against Derrick Rose and the Bulls. Maybe James should hand some of that chalk to his mother, who could take care of his diaper rash. Poor baby.