Mike Tirico said that he didn’t like the Thursday Night Football on NFL Network because he didn’t like the matchups. Well now that little bastard can eat crow because tonight’s Monday night matchup could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. I remember earlier in the fall when ESPN was airing high school football from Cincinnati, and it’s hard to see how any such matchup could be worse than the possibly-finally-over-the-hill Baltimore Ravens and the I’ve fallen and I can’t get up Cleveland Browns.
By now, everyone has figured out that Brady Quinn will be starting under center for the Browns. Whatever, dude. The stupid cat-and-mouse games that Eric Mangini plays with his quarterbacks are symbolic of his inept meddling, and the team’s total absence of direction. It’s fun to say that these Browns are a worse team than the ‘99 squad that resurrected the franchise, but it’s also a fact, and at some point they’ll have to blow up what they have and start over again. And that might be the only thing that cleans out all of that staph out there.
Baltimore? They’re old, man. They can still bring it–Cincinnati only beat them by ramming Cedric Benson into the line, and he done broke, yo–but you wonder if they might be in the same spot as Cleveland in terms of what they’re putting out on the field. The difference is that the Ravens have the front office and the younger personnel to weather what might be a 9-7 year. That’s a wild card berth in the NFC; but in the AFC North this year, 9-7 could mean watching the playoffs at home. At least they won’t have to watch this game.
We’ve already made a case for Andy Reid, who couldn’t manage a clock if it was jammed into a serving of chicken marsala. But here are four other coaches, college and pro, who have come up short in their respective 2009 campaigns.
Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns. Some people can step into a new organization and sling their dick anywhere they want, because as long as the team wins, they’re cool. But unlike Josh McDaniels in Denver–who was taking over an underperforming playoff-caliber team, Mangini hasn’t delivered the results that were expected from such dickery, and he’s likely to be a one-and-done coach as the Browns seem to be heading backward. Again.
2009 Wins: One, a 6-3 puntfest against Buffalo. And Buffalo sucks.
Charlie Weis, Notre Dame. The man who brought “FUPA” into the blogger lexicon, Weis might be the only coach in America with a signature loss, the Bush Push game in 2005. Weis was expected to have a chance to run the table in 2009, but he’s already lost three games (including losing to Navy at home on Saturday) with three to play.
2009 Wins: Six, with only two (Nevada, Washington State) by more than seven points.
Rich Rodriguez, Michigan. Charlie Weis with about half the calories. This is the only guy that would leave the Maize-and-Blue faithful pining for the days of Lloyd Carr. DickRod and Michigan seem to fit like OJ Simpson and those gloves, but with all the money they’re paying that guy, one might expect for this divorce to be even bloodier.
2009 Wins: Five, with all but one (Indiana) against non-conference teams, including a 63-6 drubbing of Delaware State. Awesome.
ASYLUM POLL: Who’s the worst coach in all of football today?
Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn has put his Cleveland-area home on the market, according to an “industry source” reported by ESPN. Quinn started the first three games of 2009 before being benched by Browns coach Eric Mangini in favor of Derek Anderson, he of the Pro Bowl season two years ago, and not much since. was benched in favor of Derek Anderson, whose 2-for-17 performance last Sunday against Buffalo did nothing to change his coach’s mind. Now Quinn wants out.
According to the industry source, with the struggling economy it could take up to six months or a year to sell upper-end homes in the Cleveland area. The asking price is $775,000 for the five-bedroom, five-bathroom house, which is 4,561 square feet.
Quinn bought the Avon Lake property in June of 2007, just two months after he was drafted in the first round by Cleveland, the source confirmed. via.
Between watching former teammate Braylon Edwards thrive in greener pastures on national television earlier this week and realizing that he can’t hit the escalator clauses in his contract from the bench, Quinn is ready to get out of Ohio. But who would take him, considering that we’re now a month into the season? I understand there’s plenty of brown-eye happening in San Francisco. That really sounds more like Brady’s scene. also. also.
Less than a week after punching out on of LeBron James’ “kids,” Browns wide receiver Braylon Edwards was literally kicked out of Cleveland. And I thought all those references to LeBron “owning the town” were just figurative. Braylon was sent to the Jets for wide receiver Chansi Stuckey, linebacker Jason Trusnik, and two draft picks, reportedly a 3rd- and a 5th-round pick.
The trade comes just two days after a Cleveland man accused Edwards of assault outside a nightclub in the city. The man is a friend of Cavs star LeBron James, who said Edwards’ alleged assault was motivated by “jealousy.”
This is the second major trade between the Browns and Jets since Mangini joined Cleveland after being dismissed by the Jets in January. The Jets acquired the fifth overall pick from the Browns in April, and then selected Sanchez with the choice. via.
Yeah, what the hell is up with the big trades? Is Mangini raiding the Browns? We’ll know in three months, depending on whether or not the entire Jets locker room ends up with a staph infection. also.
Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini is 0-4. He’s the aberration of the Parcells-Belichick pedigree, who already has alienated his players faster than a ex-stripper widow from a Charlie Sheen movie. But things were looking up in Cleveland yesterday… He managed to take the Bengals, who had been playing very well of late, to overtime. Guess how that turned out?
After Palmer and his teammates convinced their coach to gamble on fourth-and-11 with just over one minute left, Palmer scrambled for 15 yards to set up Shayne Graham’s(notes) 31-yard field goal on the final play of overtime, giving Cincinnati a 23-20 victory over the winless Cleveland Browns on Sunday. via.
This was after Cleveland blocked a field goal and an extra point earlier in the game. And then the other opposing coach HAD TO BE CONVINCED BY HIS QUARTERBACK TO PLAY FOR THE WIN IN OVERTIME. The Bengals, longtime authors of The Suck Book in the AFC North, are 3-1 and have a realistic shot at the wildcard, if not the division. Cleveland, however, seems to have nowhere to go but down. If you enjoyed watching the Lions go 0-16 last year, watching Mangini and the Browns do it will be even better.
Life hasn’t been going too great for Brady Quinn. After being named the starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns prior to the first game of the season by head coach Eric “Respect My Authori-tah!” Mangini, Quinn was unceremoniously benched at halftime during last week’s 34-3 loss to the Baltimore Ravens and was replaced by Derek “Horse Balls” Anderson. Brady was 6-8 for 34 yards with an interception when he was pulled. Oh yeah, then Anderson came in and crapped the bed even worse, going 11-19 for 92 yards with three interceptions.
To add insult to injury, Mangenious elected to go with Anderson as a starter today against the Bengals (at the time of writing, Cleveland was losing 14-7 at halftime and Anderson is 6-16 for 130 yards with a touchdown).
But even after the benching, Quinn’s week got so much worse. Rapper Common was in Cleveland Thursday night to perform a concert. First of all, who in the heck is Common? I’m not too hip on the hip hop. Is he a good rapper, like that Fresh Prince guy?
Anyway, here’s what happened:
During a performance at Cleveland’s House of Blues Thursday night, Common dissed Quinn during a freestyle. He rapped that he “won’t mess up like Brady Quinn,” and then mentioned Derek Anderson in the next verse. After the audience reacted to the diss, it was noticed that Quinn was actually in the house along with several teammates. Ouch. via. via.
Yowsers. That was probably the most embarrassed Quinn has felt since he had to tell his parents he wasn’t gay.
Now his folks don’t know what to think. And here his dad had his “I love my dead gay son!” speech all ready. You know, if something unfortunate were ever to happen to his confused boy. I do not mean to imply that somebody wants Quinn dead, but how else was I going to be able to incorporate that Heathers reference? Blogging ain’t easy, kids. Sometimes you have to fly by the seat of your leather chaps.
