We finally tracked down some video of Wayne Rooney’s bicycle kick goal against Man City over the weekend. And it’s impressive if you haven’t already seen it. But honestly, it’s still impressive even if you have. It’s so good, in fact, that I’m surprised nobody has come out to say how not good it is. Oh, hello there, The First Post [UK]:

Okay, so it was a spectacular goal. But it was the sort they score in South America on a regular basis and, as Rooney himself admitted, there was a huge element of luck to it. “Nine times out of 10 they go into the stand,” he said afterwards.

Whatever. It went in and it looked awesome. I’m content to let the Brits be the chaff in the punchbowl for once. It only could have been better if Rooney were riding an actual bicycle. Maybe next year.

Seriously, I love British people. But this Craig Bellamy from Manchester City is just a little bit testy. Watch him unload on this Manchester United fan, and everyone’s afraid it was going to overshadow a great game between Man U and whatever that other team was.

Man United players immediately came up to Bellamy and expressed their disdain at the Welshman’s actions.

The video also shows Javier Garrido being struck by a coin thrown by a Manchester United supporter at half-time. via.

It doesn’t really look like a punch until you see a still of the whole thing, and then it’s pretty obvious that, yeah, he pretty much decked the guy. Dude’s no LeGarrette Blount, but that’s not bad for a wimpy little Briton. But at that point, the security people have to cut that fan loose and let him go after Bellamy. Anyone can be a hero when the other guy has his arms tied up.

I didn’t know who Carlos Tevez was, even though he plays for arguably the most famous fútbol club in the world. So maybe it was to his benefit that he bought himself a $225,000 Bentley–and then had it promptly seized by police.

Argentinian striker Tevez, 25, was pulled over while driving to the training ground on the M60 because his windows were too heavily tinted.

Officers then found he did not have a full UK licence. Tevez could now be charged.

Police took the £150,000 white car to a compound because he had no one to drive it home.

Yeah, so the guy buys a car he’s not legally allowed to drive. Nothing to make fun of there. Except for this photoshop, which I don’t really understand. Is he in the car? Or did he stick a Fathead of himself on the hood? I don’t get it, either, but I’m sure in Britian this sort of thing is hilarious.
[The Sun]

Andrey Arshavin, the Russian star acquired by Arsenal in a £16M transfer — yes, the same guy who designs women’s clothes — has some awesomely progressive ideas about gender roles.

“If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licences, I would do it without thinking twice.” [...]

Yeah!  Where else do they need to go besides the grocery store, am I right?

If girls are interested, he also reeled off a list of pre-requisite requirements that he looks for in the opposite sex: “I like tall, slim girls with narrow thighs and tiny bums. If a girl is like this I do not pay attention to her breasts. Hair colour doesn’t matter either. What is really important is her style and manners.”

Wait, did I say style and manners?  Because I meant legs and ass.  I get those two confused all the time.  I’ll be like, “Hey baby, I wanna stick my face in your manners!”  and she’ll be all, “Uh, thank you?”

Andrey Arshevin, a Russian soccer star newly transferred to Arsenal, has his own clothing line “ranging from dresses to sportswear” in his native country, where it is popular with women.

Arshavin, from a working-class family in St Petersburg, enrolled in the St Petersburg State University of Technology and Design aged 17, originally studying chemical technology, but taking up sewing because of the number of women on the course.

Sounds like my youth.  I originally spent all my time taking karate classes and wrestling bears, but I couldn’t help noticing that all the girls were doing different stuff, so I gravitated to what they did.  Stuff like choir and ballet and cheerleading.  And wearing makeup.  Long story short, a lot of girls say I’m their best girlfriend.

Manchester United star/prostitute aficionado Cristiano Ronaldo was driving from Manchester Airport when he totaled his $300,000 Ferrari.  Somewhat less importantly, Ronaldo was unharmed.  No other cars were involved, it was 10:00 in the morning, and the only “road condition” of note is that he was driving in a tunnel.  In other words, he drives like a sixteen-year-old Valley girl.

A witness said: “The front of Ronaldo’s car was completely mangled. There was metal all over the road and debris – and we had to dodge our way through it. Ronaldo was just standing at the side of the road looking forlorn and bewildered.

“My daughter said to me, ‘Oh my God – that’s Cristiano Ronaldo!’ It’s amazing he was okay because his car looked so bad.”

I just hate it when bad things happen to responsible, respectful role models like Cristiano Ronaldo.  Do you have any idea how much this must affect him?  Three hundred thousand dollars is his hooker budget for two whole months!

(Also: SCP / WWTDD – UPDATE: another photo here)