What’s worse than spending $120,000 to promote a video game that spent 15-years in development? Spending that much on a Twitter trend, only to have everyone think it’s about school spirit.

That’s what happened yesterday, when 2K Games dropped 120 grand on a promoted #alwaysbetonduke hashtag. It was intended to promote “Duke Nukem Forever”, a terrible first-person shooter that sort of plays like a Leisure Suit Larry mod of Half Life 2, but it ended up cramming the site full of pro-Duke University tweets. How bad did it get? Well, not Cherokee Parks bad, but bad enough that Duke had to explain it on their news Twitter, should too many people start associating Duke’s “Mighty Foot” with the University. That’d probably work better with UNC.

Huh. Why wouldn’t Duke University want to be associated with a game with a “capture the babe” mode, where you throw a woman over your shoulder and slap her on the ass to keep her from “freaking out”?

Well, the hashtag promotion didn’t work and all the reviews for Duke Nukem are terrible, so we can chalk this up as the worst Twitter promotion since the Demon Deacons paid for #wakeforest and ended up selling a million copies of Kirby’s Dreamland.

… at least Truman had a strong 4th quarter.

Macy’s committed their biggest failure since charging me 85 dollars for a polo shirt by taking out a full-page ad in the Miami Heraldadvertising all of the cool NBA Champion Miami Heat merchandise you can buy at a Macy’s. Unfortunately for them, the Heat didn’t win. They also didn’t have the possibility of winning on Sunday night. Looks like somebody took that Flo Rida song too seriously. Ain’t need to play no mo game!

You can get a full look at the ad below. I want to know if Macy’s is actually selling any of this, because part of me wants to wear them exclusively for the rest of the year. Also, I want my pectoral muscle to look like a stranger’s jewelry.

[h/t Sportress]

The Boston Celtics edged out the Miami Heat 85-82 in Boston, last night, in a very sloppy basketball game. Paul Pierce shot 0-10 from the field, Chris Bosh ended up playing the best individual game of the afternoon, and Mike Miller, of all people, took the shot that would have tied the game as time expired. The Heat, however, were lucky to get a chance to send the game into overtime.

Glen ‘Big Baby’ Davis had a breakaway dunk opportunity early in the second quarter, but channeled his inner Woody Harrelson, and got stuffed by the front of the rim like an idiot. How is he still in the NBA? Don’t you have to be able to dunk to be an NBA big man? I’d rather watch a high school game instead of Glen Davis. At least high school games have cheerleader jailbait.

The fail, in its entirety, after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Not even ESPN is safe from the economic black hole that is the restaurant business, as mighty Walt Disney Co. is set to close down all ESPN Zone restaurants not directly tied to a Disney property. Somewhere, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis are scoffing at the idea of an expensive, gimmicky restaurant chain profiting. While the exact cause of the closing is unknown, it’s safe to say it has nothing to do with the recession. Why, such a hypothesis would be preposterous, I say.

It’s unclear what has prompted Disney to close the establishments, although the bars may well be a casualty of the recession.

“Since their inception, the Zones have served sports fans very well,” said an ESPN spokesman, who declined to comment further. “But from a pure business perspective, the economics have been challenging.”

Harry Balzer, chief industry analyst for research firm NPD Group, said the restaurant business was undergoing its biggest decline in three decades.

“This year was horrible,” Balzer said. “A restaurant meal is a very discretionary behavior. You could always eat at home and save money doing it. And going out for dinner is the most expensive food you could buy.” –LATimes

I have an idea as to why they failed. Maybe it’s because mixing a sports bar atmosphere with family fun is a horrible idea. Sports bars are supposed to be seedy, smoke filled rooms where men get hammered and yell at referees in the company of their peers. They’re not exactly a place to bring your kids for a 10 dollar hamburger. Parents don’t want to bring their kids to sports bars because of all the drunken tomfoolery, and barflies don’t want to go to the ESPN Zone because they’d rather not get wasted with kids around at such exorbitant fees. Not to mention the upkeep costs, these things are huge on the inside. I’ve had the pleasure of dining at the D.C. one a couple of times. It’s a monstrosity. Santonio Holmes levels of monstrosity. Another example of large interiors after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Super Bowl onside kick recovering hero total waste of space Hank Baskett could cash in with the release of his baby momma’s sex tape. The Playboy Mansion alum (I wonder what their endowment is) could make 3 million easily.

Hank Baskett’s sugar momma wife Kendra Wilkinson is pretending to be horrified about the release of her sex tape..but in fact she’s thrilled because she’s gonna net around 3 million from sales..”Kendra could get 20 percent of the profits and make $3.2 million easily,” said the President of Vivid Video, the company behind the release of the tape..Hank better thank his lucky stars that he found someone to support him because his football career is T-5 and counting. –TerezOwens

As easy as it is to rip on Hank Baskett (like ‘fish in a barrel’ or ‘candy from a baby’ easy), in a weird way I’m happy for him. Having a hot wife is awesome enough, but having a wife who’s so hot she can make millions through a sex tape is like hitting the lottery. Hank shouldn’t feel awkward or ashamed, he should be proud. The tape was made before the two were married, and it’s such easy money. It’s not like people haven’t seen his wife’s tits already, it comes with the territory of wifeying up a Playboy model. It’s not like Hank is going to be able to cash in on his NFL career. It’s been a series of horrible, horrible failures. Exhibit A is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

It all comes down to today. With the Detroit Tigers showing no offensive punch in a brutal 5-1 loss to the Chicago White Sox and the Twins beating American League Cy Young favorite Zack Greinke and the Kansas City Royals 5-4 earlier in the day, the Twins moved into a first-place tie with the Tigers in the worst division in baseball, the American League Central. If the Twins win today, they are at least assured a least a tiebreaker game for all the marbles against the Tigers on Tuesday to determine who will face the New York Yankees in the postseason. And if Detroit loses, well, people in Detroit will be even more depressed than usual.

This is the third time in four seasons that the Twins have an opportunity to win their division on the last day of the season. Last year, Minnesota forced a one-game playoff with the White Sox, only to ultimately lose that game 1-0.

In the end, the pressure is all on the Tigers – the Twins can play it pretty loosey-goosey, considering no team since division play began in 1969 has won their division after being three games back with four games to play. As far as they are concerned, the Twins probably feel they are playing with house money at this point. Given that today’s game will be the last regular season game to be played ever at the Metrodome and they are expecting over 50,000 at the Dump, everything appears to be working in Minnesota’s favor, who have won 15 of 19. The Tigers, meanwhile, are 4-6 in their last 10 games and have lost three straight.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland has all but accepted that Minnesota will win today. He understands what is at stake and hopes his players are aware of the fact they are on the verge of an historic epic fail, although he is somewhat encouraged that staff ace Justin Verlander will be starting today.

“They’re not going to get beat,” he said. “(Verlander) has been a horse. Hopefully we can win that one tomorrow and start the kid [Rick Porcello] up in Minnesota.”

You always feel pretty good with Justin going,” Leyland said, “but you’re still going to have to score some runs.”

Leyland said he told the players after Saturday night’s game, “You have to play your hearts out tomorrow.” via.

All I know is it is incredibly difficult to swing a bat with your hands clenched firmly around your own throat. Don’t the Tigers realize that the entire population of the downtrodden town of Detroit is depending on the team to lift them out of the city’s economic and social morass? Come on, guys!