I don’t know why this is so funny to me, but it is.

The Golden State Warriors were down by 2 at the end of the first quarter in Thursday’s game against the Oklahoma City Thunder. If you’re wondering, yes, this is one of the most unimportant statistical moments possible in the NBA. Warriors point guard Jarrett Jack knew that something had to be done and launched a 3/4 court shot to try and take the lead. When I say “launched” I’m not using it to mean “he took a shot from far away,” I mean that he literally f**king put a basketball into a space shuttle and launched it at goal.

See that little orange spot at the top of the image? That’s the basketball. Here’s the clip, which may be the worst attempt at a buzzer beater ever.

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Here’s The Fail Academy’s Best Fails of 2012. I wonder how hard it is to get tenure at the Fail Academy. Do you have to be really good for a long time, or really bad for a long time? If you’re the dean of the Fail Academy, are you the best or the worst?

Oh who cares, here’s guys falling off cliffs and shit. (h/t to Bob’s Blitz)

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Links

2012 Was A Good Year For Local News Bloopers |UPROXX|

Drake Vs. Walgreens & Macy’s In The War Over ‘YOLO’: Who Ya Got? |UPROXX|

Brooklyn Nets Dump Coach Avery Johnson |The Smoking Section|

‘Amazing Spider-Man’ #700, Summed Up With A Clip From ‘The League’ |Gamma Squad|

With Leather Book Club: Tank Abbott’s ‘Befor There Were Rules: Bar Brawler’ Part 9 |With Leather|

In Case You Forgot, Peyton Manning Is A Total Shill |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Supercut: Famous People Playing Themselves |FilmDrunk|

Here’s The Trailer For Ricky Gervais’ Mentally Challenged Netflix Comedy, ‘Derek’ |Warming Glow|

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When you see a video titled “worst free throw ever,” your first thought is probably, “it can’t be worse than X free throw I’ve seen from Y person who is objectively terrible at free throws.” In this example, Y = Shaq, and X = every free throw ever tried by Shaq. You’re thinking he just airballed it, or he accompanied it with some stupid gesture to get people on the Internet all hyperbolic about how assy he is at basketball. You would be wrong, because holy shit, this is the worst free throw ever.

The video made the rounds this weekend — I’m giving the hat-tip to Jon Bois, because he’s the most trusted name in “things that make Brandon laugh” — and … how do I even explain it? Just watch it. It’s like watching a guy try to shoot free throws with a bowling ball. You know it’s bad when the announcers break out “I’m not sure WHAT that was” and “good lowered.”

Video is below.

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So it turns out that Wild Turkey football-picking turkey Jimmy Junior is full of shit. On Wednesday, we shared the video of him picking the NFL’s Thanksgiving day games … he picked Detroit over Houston (Houston won 34-31 in overtime) and Dallas over Washington (Washington controlled the entire game and won 38-31). His only correct pick was New England over New York, and I don’t want to throw shade at a prognosticating animal, but Paul The Psychic Octopus could’ve called that one, and he’s dead.

I think I speak for everyone when I say the highlight of the Patriots/Jets game was Mark Sanchez running into his own lineman’s ass for no reason, fumbling the ball and giving up a touchdown. It was one of the most inexplicably pathetic things I’ve ever seen on a football field, including the time in 10th grade when I went out for a pass, got wide open, got too confident and tripped over my own feet about 20 yards ahead of the ball. At least I didn’t leave my faceprint in somebody’s buttcrack.

There isn’t a lot to be said that wasn’t covered in the KSK live thread for the game, so instead, here are my ten favorite YouTube comments from Ass Fumble-Gate.

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Holy Mary mother of God.

When a player messes up a shot, I like to use the old “that looks like me playing out there”, as I am objectively the worst basketball player in human history. The issue I’m facing with this clip of Washington’s Nick Young is that it ACTUALLY looks like me playing, awkwardly catching a pass, running up to the goal, getting all nervous because I’ve never been in a position like this before, jumping about three inches off the ground and “laying” the ball up in a huge arc that clears the backboard and ends up rolling down the hill. And then I’ve gotta be all, “heh, whoops, my hand hurts” or something and do the walk of shame down the hill.

Here’s the lay-way-up in magical gif form, courtesy of Buzzfeed’s Mike Hayes.

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WISH WASH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH, P*SSY!

I’m a big fan of card games, as I love poker, rummy, hearts, spades, and pretty much anything that goes great with a case of cheap American beer and/or girls willing to take their clothes off. I like games that require a lot of strategy and trying to determine what your opponent is thinking or what he’ll do next, because it’s fun and challenging to play mind games with people and to show that I have the superior mental skills. Power is beautiful no matter how you achieve and cultivate it.

That said, I also like playing solitaire when I’m bored because it beats reading a book, but there’s nothing more frustrating than when you keep losing and eventually start cheating because who the f*ck is watching you play anyway? Thankfully, YouTube user “Gobolatula” made a quick and handy solitaire tutorial video after he had apparently been playing and dominating all night, and he finally revealed how easy it is to win every time you play. Behold, the power of solitaire royalty!

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