The marketing gurus at Pepsi have teamed up with the NFL to create 5 new NFL team anthems by pairing franchises with their biggest pop star fans, and Dallas Cowboys fans are first up with Kelly Clarkson’s new single, “Get Up”. The Texas native and American Idol winner is famously a fan of America’s Former Team, and that must be comforting for her fellow Cowboys fans as they watched their team herp and derp to a 3-0 preseason loss win to the Oakland Raiders last night.

But preseason jitters aside, Clarkson is excited about her team’s chances this season, so she wants you to picture one thing and one thing only when you listen to her new jam – her mother giving birth.

“When you’re born in Fort Worth, you come out of the womb loving the Cowboys,” she says. “In Texas, people love football more than anything. Once they find out about this, I’ll be golden.” (Via USA Today)

And don’t worry, folks, Clarkson didn’t want this to be a friendly little PR stunt. She also wanted to do her part in crapping all over the team’s rivals.

The team is simply iconic, she says. “People overseas know the Dallas Cowboys. They don’t know the Denver Broncos or the Philadelphia Eagles. The Dallas cheerleaders are more famous than some of the NFL teams. I know I sound biased.”

I really wish she said the New York Giants instead of the Denver Broncos, because then ESPN could devote hours of coverage to analyzing what the star of From Justin to Kelly means when she says the Eagles aren’t known overseas. “With more on this developing story, we take you to Ron Jaworski having a stroke,” an anchor would say while I made fart noises with my hands.

Clarkson’s Cowboys anthem is joined by Tavie McCoy’s “All In” anthem for the New York Giants, as well as yet-to-be-announced instant classics by Kid Rock (Detroit Lions) and Ice Cube (Oakland Raiders). Also, Wiz Khalifa’s “Black and Yellow” will be remixed, because someone got lazy toward the end of planning this.

After the jump, check out Clarkson’s “Get Up”.

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Nightmares. Nightmares.

Links

The 10 Freakiest Commercials of 2011 - That ‘Dead Island’ announcement trailer really is fantastic, and I wish any part of the actual game was as good as it. Also, I want somebody to make a Skyrim trailer like this with a guy taking an arrow in the knee in reverse, ending with him as an adventurer like me. [Warming Glow]

The Robert Downey Jr. Acting Venn Diagram - I feel like Chaplin should be in here somewhere. [UPROXX]

This Week in Posters: Battleships, Ghost Riders, & Spider-Men - The funniest thing I’m going to see all week is another goddamn Spider-Man origin story advertised as “untold”. Starving kids in Africa know Spider-Man’s origin, just shut up and make him fight Electro. [Film Drunk]

Four Theories on Why the Internet Has Such a Massive Almost Unexplainable Crush on Alison Brie - Nice science, Pajiba. She’s a gorgeous woman who seems nice and she has big boobs, end of experiment. [Pajiba]

Observe The Phanatic In Its Natural Habitat - I didn’t want this to get bumped completely off the page yet, because it’s one of the best things I’m ever going to share with you. [With Leather]

Before Hollywood Ruins Them: 15 Sci-Fi and Supernatural Scripts On The 2011 Black List - Somebody throw Seven Hill City on there, I’ve almost convinced people to just come film it guerrilla style in Austin. [Gamma Squad]

Waka Flocka On Wiz Khalifa’s Success: “All Hype” - Also, payola. [Smoking Section]

Christina Hendricks Is Johnnie Walker’s New Internet Sales Rep - hey christina, your boobs would look a lot better if you didn’t smash them against your chest and throttle yourself with them [UPROXX]

Stop Whatever You’re Doing And Watch This Video Of Dogs Hanging Out Of Car Windows - Seriously, do that. [UPROXX]

The 45 Best Mugshots Of 2011 - The 100 Best Buzzfeed Lists Of Things That Happened In 2011 2011. [Buzzfeed]

OCD Dog Hates When Kitchen Cabinets Are Left Open - I need this dog, I’ve got some Sixth Sense shit happening in my house. [The FW]

7 Things to Watch for From the Golden Globe and SAG Nominations - #1: whether or not anybody actually watched Hugo, because it is better than anything being nominated. [Moviefone]

A Gallery of Classic 8-Bit Mashups from Drew Wise - He’s the guy that designed the potato chips bags! [Unreality]

Rapper Lil Wayne – or Lil Weezy, as I call him when we’re knitting – is the latest person to jump on the Wiz Khalifa “Black and Yellow” rewrite bandwagon. This time, Weezy changed the song to “Green and Yellow” in support of the Green Bay Packers. While it’s no “Purple and White” and Weezy is certainly no Chet Haze, he does manage some solid lyrics into the routine, including:

Long hair, don’t care, Clay Matthews.
We sh*tting on these fools, no bathroom.

Take that, Ben Roethlisberger! I think. Actually, I’m not sure if that’s a rip on Big Ben or if it’s just a statement about not needing a bathroom to figuratively defecate on the Pittsburgh Steelers. In retrospect, I think my confusion explains why I never made it as a rapper. Well, that and my inability to rhyme “cock gobbler”. Video after the jump.

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