Damn it, Tina.

Back in 2008, NBC’s 30 Rock had an episode entitled “Believe in the Stars” that dealt with Kenneth learning that Olympic hero Tyler Brody was just a fake, because there was no such thing as Olympic tetherball, octuples tennis, or synchronized running. I and the other 2 million people who watch the show religiously laughed because it playfully mocked the fad of Olympic athlete hero worship and how NBC – and every network, for that matter – tries to strike while the iron (or gold, *rimshot*) is hot.

Now, though, the joke has come full circle, because 30 Rock will have a guest appearance by Olympic gold medal swimmer Ryan Lochte this season, and I’m sure that we have someone awesome that we can all thank for this.

Oh, and you can totally thank us, your E! friends, for making this cameo happen. (You are welcome, America!) Because the ultra-busy Lochte is in New York this week covering Fashion Week for E! News (weeknights at 7 p.m.), so he was able to squeeze in the 30 Rock gig.

“It was a long morning. We did a lot of takes, but, you know what, it was fun,” Lochte tells our own Cat Sadler. “Being with Alec Baldwin on set…he’s a great guy. Great actor. I enjoyed it. I had so much fun. And I can’t really tell you what it was about, but it was outrageous.”

Really, a lot of takes? It couldn’t be Lochte’s fault, because he’s a natural, gifted actor. He’s just exploding with personality and charisma. It must have been because one of those talentless hack “actors” couldn’t get his damn lines down. I’m looking at Scott Adsit, that amateur.

30 Rock doesn’t really get any credit for how many hilarious sports jokes it delivers each season – perhaps credit is coming sooner than we think – so maybe we can hope that the premise of Lochte’s cameo is self-aware. But I’ve got $5 on what Frank’s hat will read…

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The summer of unnecessary goddamn sports-related Carly Rae Jepsen ‘Call Me Maybe’ covers continues. First it was eight million views for a Harvard Crimson baseball team lip sync video, then it was literally everyone else on the planet, from the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders (good) to local Oklahoma bands who are excited about the NBA Finals (not so good).

You’d think that would’ve died down by now, but nope, between every update about whether or not Dwight Howard has heard of the Indiana Pacers (he hasn’t) there’s a ‘Call Me Maybe’ parody. Today’s effort, relevant to my interests, is from the Big Ten conference mascots. Highlights include Sparty chasing tail, Brutus Buckeye’s arbitrary hip-hop dancing and Herbie Husker hanging out with the four attractive women in Nebraska. At no point does Carly Rae Jepsen stop being the most grating f**king thing of all time.

Don’t let that dissuade you from watching, though. Full video (with a hat tip to Kegs n Eggs) is below.

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With the NFL Lockout finally over, and undrafted free agents being snatched up now, you’d think that everyone could finally settle down and simply get back to business. It’s been a rough 12 weeks for us fans, so we’re just content to see the rosters start to shape up and get back to some speculation as we sort out our fantasy football draft sheets. But the NFLPA isn’t done just yet. As the players finalize the re-certification of their union, some of them put together the above video to thank the fans for sticking with the NFL throughout this mess. And I think I speak for the average football fan when I say – whatever, dude. Just play some damn football already.

Looking back at the lockout, I don’t think most fans had any clue what was going on, so of course we took sides based on player Tweets and whatever propaganda we were fed from both camps throughout. But after last week’s nonsense, with the owners saying the deal was done and the players denying it and crying that it was all a ploy to tip the perception scales in their favor, I don’t really give a turtle’s poop about thanks or apologies anymore. You want us fans to be happy? Get back on the field and remind us that you love the game, so we can remember that we love the game, too.

Quit acting like a pissed off girlfriend who seemingly ended an argument but just keeps bringing up old news. We don’t care anymore. We don’t care if the owners were checking out another girl’s ass. We don’t care if the players were leaving their underwear on the bathroom floor. We just want to watch football, cheer our favorite players, and complain about our teams like none of it ever happened.

Give us that, and we’ll thank you.

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Infuriated with Jerry Buss Jim Buss the mole inside the organization someone in the Lakers front office, Kobe Bryant has demanded a trade from the team.  Or maybe not.  I think he may have changed his mind.  A lot's been going on the last two days, you see, and I don't really give a fuck.

Right now the Lakers are looking to unload Kobe to the Bulls.  Or Suns.  Or Bobcats.  Or maybe it's Lamar Odom and a draft pick they're trying to trade.  The important thing to know is that definitely maybe something might possibly happen during the offseason.  And if you're anything like me, then you realize how important and revelatory this story is.

Something we've also learned recently is that Kobe did not — absolutely not – have a hand in the Lakers trading Shaquille O'Neal to Miami.  Or he did.  But he said that didn't?  Something like that.

Hmm… what else?  Oh yeah, he also raped a chick in Colorado.  Wait, no.  He didn't do that.  Or at least the charges were dropped.  Fucking whatever.  The only thing certain in Kobe's world is that his wife, Vanessa, is an ugly tramp.  Aw dammit!  I keep getting confused!