♫ HE WENT FOR A SHIT
HE WENT FOR A SHIIIIIIT
JASON PUNCHEON
HE WENT FOR A SHIT ♫

The video’s title — “Jason Puncheon went for a shit!” complete with exclamation point — is equally funny.

Puncheon took the chant well (instead of bursting into tears and running away promising to never shit again, like I would’ve), but I think he should take this and its viral successes to heart and make “leaving the game to poop” his trademark. Just bail whenever he wants, walking away all funny while people cheer. Maybe come back in the middle of it with his pants around his ankles asking for another roll of toilet paper. It’d keep anybody from getting near him, at least.

[via Mentality Magazine]

Paul Jewell, the manager of the English Premier League's Derby County, is in a bit of hot water:

The Derby County manager filmed himself in an hour-long bondage romp with a blonde. Details of the lurid spanking and sex film surfaced yesterday. A pal said: “He’ll be a laughing stock at the club when he gets back. “Everyone is pointing out he seems to have scored more regularly in that video than Derby have all season.

Oh SNAP! I'll be honest – I've never heard of Paul Jewell, and I didn't know that Derby had a soccer team, but bondage romps are fun to . . . er, research.

During the film, dad-of-two Jewell – wed for 21 years – ties a mystery woman in stockings to a bed with silk before they have sex. In another clip the Rams chief and his lover – who is in her 30s and wearing a wedding ring – romp on the boot of his Mercedes.

Romp on the boot?!? Oooh, that does sound sexy, and finally a succinct way to describe those stiletto marks on my ass. -KD 

{Unprofessional Foul}

How much would you pay for a license plate honoring your favorite soccer team? 

Fans of east London club West Ham set a new record price of 57,000 pounds for a football-related vehicle license plate on Friday as they outbid each other for plate number WE57 HAM . . . "The atmosphere in the auction room was electric — it was like a cup final," said Damian Lawson, Marketing Manager for Driving and Vehicle Licensing Agency Personalized Registrations.

57,000 pounds sterling?!?  That's over $115,000 in the good old greenback.  I suppose it's a small price to pay to show fellow motorists on the roundabout your undying allegiance to the East End club.  Too bad they won't even notice, as they'll be too busy trying trying to drive on the wrong side of the road.

The price dwarfed the previous record of 36,000 pounds set in 2004 for plate number AR53 NAL (Arsenal).  

So I guess '3's are some kind of crazy British backward 'E's.  And '7's are 'T's.  Those crazy Limeys think they can spell anyway they want.  Well listen up UK: there's no 'U' in 'color' or 'favorite' and the element with atomic number 13 is 'aluminum'! -KD