World-renowned poker star Phil Ivey spent a few nights at the Mayfair casino Crockfords in London last October, and normally that wouldn’t be news, because he’s a pro poker player and all, but the 37-year old caused quite the buzz when he won about $12 million playing the baccarat game Punto Banco. Now, I don’t understand any card games that aren’t called war or assh*le, so forgive me if I gloss over the rules to this specific game* and get right to the bangers and mash – the casino bosses refused to pay out because they accused Ivey of cheating. Naturally, he’s suing them.

So how on Earth do you cheat at a game that involves nothing but pure luck? Easy. You use the exclusive, illegal knowledge that the decks of cards had been improperly cut and you examine each card’s back from a distance to determine the card’s value and wager accordingly. I know, right? How the hell haven’t we all been doing this for years?

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You're welcome.

Pre-show notes:

- Comments, shares, likes, and anything else that gets people to come here are appreciated. Thanks to the folks at Reddit for liking/posting last week’s thing. You are all my pals on the Internet.

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- GIFS courtesy of Jerusalem over at Punchsport Pagoda.

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- For additional wrestling jokes, be sure to check out 51 Random, Awesome WWE Promo Photos.

And now, complete with helicopter entrance, here’s the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for April 22, 2013.

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If you’d like to know what happened on tonight’s WWE Raw but don’t want to read several dozen paragraphs to decipher it, With Leather is here for you. Here’s what happened on the April 22, 2013, episode of WWE Raw, live (on tape) from London, England:

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Photo(shop) via WWE.com

Tonight on the With Leather WWE Raw open discussion thread:

With WrestleMania 29 in the books, the road to Extreme Rules is heating up. Brock Lesnar wants Triple H in a Steel Cage Match and Ryback has his sights on WWE Champion John Cena! With emotions still running high from last week’s Raw, here are five reasons to tune in Monday at 8/7 CT on USA Network when WWE rolls into London. (via WWE.com)

Our five-point preview:

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It wasn’t a great weekend for Texas sports. Aside from the horrible stuff that went down at the NRA 500, the generally serene-ish FC Dallas Stadium got violent when a player from … uh, FC Dallas scored a game-winning goal. Yeah, I don’t know.

George John scored the game-winner on a header, and before he could even get out of the net and celebrate, a fan tossed some garbage onto the field and sliced him in the back of the head.

John, 26, headed home the game’s only goal in the 87th minute, but he barely had time to celebrate. The bottle hit him as he took his first steps out of the Galaxy goal, and he fell straight to the ground.

“I knew something hit me,” John said. “I wasn’t quite sure what happened, if I ran into the post or what, but then I looked down and saw a beer bottle and I was like that had to of hit me. I felt [my head] and there was a ridge and then I was like ‘Yes, something hit me for sure.’ Luckily I didn’t need stitches and I was able to stay in and finish out the game.” (via NESN)

If you watch the video (included after the jump), it looks like a water bottle hits him in the chest and he flops, lying around holding his head while the time runs out. And then as the video progresses you see him get up with blood all over the back of his head. So … no.

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This clip is like an onion. At first, it’s all about this guy’s weird jump to a mud bar to retrieve his golf ball. But then you peel back the layers, and you realize it’s about how these are the most British people ever. The delivery of “George! I’m sinking!” is straight out of Harry Potter. (via DOTD)

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Links

UPROXX Video: Truth In Advertising, Starring Special Guest Eddie Pepitone |Warming Glow|

You Will Never Be Happier Than This Dog Is Eating A Chicken McNugget |UPROXX|

Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Plot Recreated with Reviews |Film Drunk|

‘The Instagram Rules For Men’ Is DeSean Jackson’s Magnum Opus |With Leather|

A Supercut Of Fake Video Games On ‘The Simpsons’ |Gamma Squad|

32 Overlooked Rape Lyrics In Rap |Smoking Section|

The 49ers Did An April Fools’ Prank |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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