Have you ever wanted to see Peyton Manning set someone on fire with a football? Well now you can, thanks to “Football Cops”, the upcoming DirecTV docu-drama (I’m assuming) from the producers of “The Wire” (I’m assuming) that pairs together the Manning brothers as cops from the “Sabotage” video and has them literally killing people (other than Giants fans) with passes.

The most fun part of the Football Cops video is reading every blogger’s attempt to figure out whether or not it’s an actual show or just a fun viral commercial thing. You can check out the “>show’s official home page and decide for yourself, then hop online and explain it thoroughly. My opinion? I just like jokes about football-themed cops being “out of bounds”. If it turns out to be real, I will send them $100 if they film a scene where a bunch of kids run by yelling AY YO OMAR COMIN’, OMAR COMIN’ and then Omar Gaither comes around the corner whistling “Farmer in the Dell”.

I think A.J. Feeley would work well in the Prez role.

I know I’m mostly a baseball and pro wrestling guy (and softball, if anything ever happens with that), but as the editor of With Leather it’s my duty to write about all arenas of sport, so I’m making an effort to get into things. For example, there’s this thing called “football” that a lot of people I know enjoy. It’s a lot like baseball, only with more fat people and constant time-outs. Seriously, how can you watch football? There are like four penalties thrown for every player that moves. If you want to win the Super Bowl, just stand still all season, they won’t be able to do anything to you.

And yes, I’m kidding. I’m just trolling you, I know why you watch football. I’m not that much of a jerk. You watch it because you’re drunk!

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Inside Camp Eli - Eli Manning always seems like he’s one step away from donning a denim vest and becoming the NFL’s version of Ernest. I can picture him now, hanging onto a windowsil until somebody closes the window on his fingers, then staring down at his fingers calmly for a while before looking at the camera and screaming. [KSK]

Hilary Swank Publicly Palms Paramour’s Package at Mavs-Lakers Game - This is pretty funny (and a nice contrast to yesterday’s “stop grabbing our boobs at sporting events” article), but I’m still a little disappointed that the picture isn’t Hilary Swank palming the girl from Paramore. [Sportress of Blogitude]

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Last week, Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the NFL’s most worthless event with a musical number called the Pro Bowl Shuffle. With the help of Will Arnett, fellow Saturday Night Live alum Horatio Sanz and others, Fallon performed a pretty solid parody of NFL stars like Tom Brady, Brett Favre, Eli Manning, Michael Vick and Troy Polamalu. But the most remarkable aspect of this sketch was that Fallon didn’t once break character to laugh at his own jokes.

The Pro Bowl, of course, will be held the week before the Super Bowl this year, which means that it will be even lamer than ever, as players from the Super Bowl teams won’t be taking part in this exhibition of classic half-assery. And just for the sake of predictions, this means that the AFC and NFC will be without Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, respectively. Feel free to tell me how they’ll actually be without Troy Polamalu and Matt Ryan, and then let’s all meet back here in a few weeks to congratulate the 11-9 Seattle Seahawks.

Video after the jump…

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Giants quarterback Eli Manning signed an extension, as reported earlier this morning by…somebody. Somebody had it first, and I really don’t know who it was. I can’t keep track of all of this.

Fox reported that the deal is worth $97.5 million over six seasons, including $35 million in guaranteed money. Manning is entering the final season of his six-year, approximately $50 million contract. via, via.

Why is it that the highest-paid player in team sports never seems to be the BEST player? You’d think that with the 50 draft picks that the Giants sent to San Diego in 2004 that New York had paid enough for a guy that was pretty much useless after Plaxico shot himself in the leg. But “Manning” has become a brand name in the NFL, much like “Samsung” has for electronics or “Asian threesome” for adult entertainment. I guess what I’m saying is that this deal doesn’t make any sense at all since Eli’s not Korean. Or downloadable to my iPod. Hey, sometimes business has to be tended to remotely.

There wasn’t much of a stir when the NFL announced that it would look to sell advertising space on its practice jersey for ads, but it looks like one little trailblazer will elect to not wear his sponsor-laden jersey in front of the cameras as intended? And who is this modern-day Rosa Parks? Eli Manning, whose personal endorsement deal with Citizen watches conflicts with the Timex ads that will appear on Giants’ practice jerseys this season.

Manning’s jersey has the patch on it and news crews might be able to film the small patch – 3½ inches by 4½ inches – from afar, but for this practice and all future practices, Manning is not expected to give Timex much love due to his conflict of interest. We’re told Manning will do interviews before practice in a t-shirt and will take off his pads for any interviews after practice. via.

This is like the Dream Team in Barcelona all over again. Just drape an American flag over the shoulder, Eli. Or your special woobie. We all know you have it stashed in your locker. It’ll be your only hope at salvation once Plaxico Burress is locked up. Personally, I only like blankets for strangling hookers and climbing out of tall hotel rooms. Those activities go together like peanut butter and jelly when you think about it.

ASYLUM POLL: Should NFL Teams Have Jersey Ads?

Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrated his 28th birthday last Friday night at swanky Manhattan club Tenjune on annoyingly-hard-to-find Little West 12th Street.  Along for the ride were some teammates and his wife Abby, who apparently gets a little frisky after some tequila shots.

After a few rounds of tequila shots, our spy said Eli’s wife, Abby “gave him a special lap dance” while Beyoncé’s hit, “Single Ladies,” blared. “They were trying to hide, but everyone on the dance floor could see them.”

I, for one, disapprove of Page Six’s invasion of Eli and Abby’s privacy.  A lap dance is a sacred thing that gets shared between a man and his wife.  Or a man and a coke-addled high school dropout.  Or a man and a Colombian immigrant with hair extensions.  Or a man and another man who looks like a woman.  I could go on, but kids and animals are slow to learn how to give a proper lap dance.  Or so I’ve heard.  From your dad.