I don’t want to spoil too many of Next Media Animation’s insane, theological recap of Super Bowl XLVI, so check out the video after the jump. Spoiler alert: The Giants win, God has officially forsaken Tim Tebow, and the Taiwanese are out of their goddamn minds.
Enjoy:
By defeating the New England Patriots 21-17 last night in Indianapolis, the New York Giants are the Super Bowl XLVI Champions. *holds for applause* Chances are you watched the game and know that it started off boring, then got really exciting, had some old lady flopping around and later ended with Giants quarterback Eli Manning leading what has become his trademark in a 4th quarter comeback. Manning earned his second Super Bowl MVP and he should headline an offseason of stories not limited to but including:
- Is Eli better than his brother Peyton Manning now? And many lazy people will say yes because he has two Super Bowl rings.
- Is the era of Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the Patriots over? And the answer is no, because Tom Brady is still a badass.
- Has Gisele Bundchen’s god forsaken her? Probably.
- Where is Peyton going to play? Will he end up in Miami? Washington? With the New York Jets? The Toronto Argonauts? And the answer is Miami. It has to happen. I sacrificed way too many virgins to the gods this weekend.
And there will be other news and notes, but they’ll all irresponsibly gloss over the fact that on Saturday, Kate Upton, Chrissy Teigen, Erin Andrews and some other people who claim to be famous played in the sixth annual Celebrity Beach Bowl, and while nobody tried desperately to tear Upton’s shorts off like Tom Arnold did with Marisa Miller last year, she still managed to steal our hearts once again.
Also, Brooklyn Decker was at the GQ/Lacoste Super Bowl party with some guy who plays ping pong or something, so I included them so they don’t feel left out and cry. I’m a sweetheart.
We’re big fans of Taiwanese Animation here at With Leather, but far too often the things that make Next Media Animation’s efforts truly great — absurd imagery and hilarious bluntness — are eschewed for political cartoon style moments where someone who just got suspended gets beat over the head with a giant rectangle with SUSPENSION written on it.
That’s not the case with today’s cartoon, which goes completely over-the-top with its images (Michael Vick riding an eagle that gets shot to death with rifles, Eli Manning getting run over by a school bus with the New Orleans Saints logo on the side, children being murdered by fire breath) and even higher over with its most blunt message ever. And I quote:
The ‘Boys have a recent history of choking. And Jerry Jones is their owner, GM and head coach. They won’t win anythin [sp] until he dies.
… then Tony Romo and black Tony Romo (?) high-five each other as his death is replayed on TV.
Taiwan, you are my hero.
[h/t Fark]
"Sometimes a mommy and a daddy just don't love each other anymore, Painty."
With news that Peyton Manning’s neck is simply not healing as expected, it has become clearer than ever that the Indianapolis Colts may be without their legendary franchise quarterback for longer than just this season. We’re talking forever (forever ever). That’s why it’s disheartening to see Colts fans (like the fellas from last week’s banner image) enjoying this whole “Suck for Luck” idea so much. It’s not like Manning suited up for Week 1 and said, “Screw this” and closed a car door on his neck. And it’s not like he’s holding the franchise hostage either.
When Manning originally signed his 4-year extension, it was reported that he was essentially receiving $99 million in guaranteed cash. Of course, that also meant that he had to stay healthy to get that money. You see, that sly hick actually included a clause in his contract that lets the Colts off the hook if he’s unable to play. That’s pretty classy. Not like, you know, crossing Manning’s name out on your replica jersey and writing Luck over it.
But then, that’s the biggest problem I have with this whole thing. Colts fans are allowed to openly cheer for their team to lose because they need to replace Manning. Dolphins fans, though, are jerks and assh*les because they want a shot at their first franchise QB since Dan Marino. Oh well, that all took a step towards moot this week anyway.
"Haha, I'm toally gonna stay in school."
Now that “Suck For Luck” is a full blown ordeal – there’s even a Twitter account devoted to it – it’s very amusing to see the general NFL fan’s reaction to the idea that teams might tank some games to secure the guy every analyst this side of Mel Kiper’s phallic eagle swoop is calling the next John Elway.
It’s public knowledge now that both Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay and Miami Dolphins majority owner Stephen Ross have expressed interest in acquiring Luck in the draft. So the rational school of thought for the average fan – I’d probably estimate an I.Q. of 75 – is that two teams of professional athletes, who are boisterous, arrogant and proud, will waste an entire season of their professional careers so they can put their fates in the hands of a guy from Stanford.
There are two things about this, as a Miami Dolphins fan, that crack me up:
1) Why on Earth would Tony Sparano and his coaching staff kowtow to Ross, who openly courted Jim Harbaugh to replace him? Why would Sparano fill the cupboard with elite talent only to have it handed to Bill Cowher in the spring?
2) And do you really think that Brandon Marshall would keep his mouth shut if someone told him to flop on some plays? He’d be demanding trades and stomping his feet to the point that Terrell Owens would be like, “Dude, chill.” Besides, he looked just fine flopping on his own last night.
Now the Colts on the other hand, they seem like they would do it and not give a crap. After all, if any of their older guys complain, they can easily be traded for draft picks. I’m sure that thought is cemented firmly in Irsay’s mind. That’s why, as I was perusing Twitter during last night’s Monday Night Football game, there was a hilarious double standard at work.
If the Colts lose a game, they get to blame Peyton Manning’s injury and nobody thinks twice. But if the Dolphins lose, they’re just sucking on purpose to get Luck. I have some news for you all – Miami really is that terrible. It’s just funny that people seem more willing to allow the Colts to put Luck behind Manning, like they’re being dumped by Marisa Miller while preparing for their date with Kate Upton.
To blame Eli Manning for the New York Giants’ offensive woes is a bit unfair. After all, it’s not like he’s single-handedly tossing his receivers into traffic, and we are only two weeks into the season. But Giants fans were nonetheless booing their former Super Bowl MVP quarterback against the St. Louis Rams last night, despite Manning leading them to a 28-16 win with 200 passing yards and 2 touchdowns.
So how did Manning react to the negative stirrings of his Big Blue faithful? He said, “You crazy, girlfriend” and passed the boos off to those loathsome Rams that Giants fans have such a history of hating.
Video of Eli’s pride after the jump. Kudos to NBC’s satellite team for beaming it in from whatever planet he’s on.
