"Haha, I'm toally gonna stay in school."

Now that “Suck For Luck” is a full blown ordeal – there’s even a Twitter account devoted to it – it’s very amusing to see the general NFL fan’s reaction to the idea that teams might tank some games to secure the guy every analyst this side of Mel Kiper’s phallic eagle swoop is calling the next John Elway.

It’s public knowledge now that both Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay and Miami Dolphins majority owner Stephen Ross have expressed interest in acquiring Luck in the draft. So the rational school of thought for the average fan – I’d probably estimate an I.Q. of 75 – is that two teams of professional athletes, who are boisterous, arrogant and proud, will waste an entire season of their professional careers so they can put their fates in the hands of a guy from Stanford.

There are two things about this, as a Miami Dolphins fan, that crack me up:

1) Why on Earth would Tony Sparano and his coaching staff kowtow to Ross, who openly courted Jim Harbaugh to replace him? Why would Sparano fill the cupboard with elite talent only to have it handed to Bill Cowher in the spring?

2) And do you really think that Brandon Marshall would keep his mouth shut if someone told him to flop on some plays? He’d be demanding trades and stomping his feet to the point that Terrell Owens would be like, “Dude, chill.” Besides, he looked just fine flopping on his own last night.

Now the Colts on the other hand, they seem like they would do it and not give a crap. After all, if any of their older guys complain, they can easily be traded for draft picks. I’m sure that thought is cemented firmly in Irsay’s mind. That’s why, as I was perusing Twitter during last night’s Monday Night Football game, there was a hilarious double standard at work.

If the Colts lose a game, they get to blame Peyton Manning’s injury and nobody thinks twice. But if the Dolphins lose, they’re just sucking on purpose to get Luck. I have some news for you all – Miami really is that terrible. It’s just funny that people seem more willing to allow the Colts to put Luck behind Manning, like they’re being dumped by Marisa Miller while preparing for their date with Kate Upton.

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To blame Eli Manning for the New York Giants’ offensive woes is a bit unfair. After all, it’s not like he’s single-handedly tossing his receivers into traffic, and we are only two weeks into the season. But Giants fans were nonetheless booing their former Super Bowl MVP quarterback against the St. Louis Rams last night, despite Manning leading them to a 28-16 win with 200 passing yards and 2 touchdowns.

So how did Manning react to the negative stirrings of his Big Blue faithful? He said, “You crazy, girlfriend” and passed the boos off to those loathsome Rams that Giants fans have such a history of hating.

Video of Eli’s pride after the jump. Kudos to NBC’s satellite team for beaming it in from whatever planet he’s on.

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Have you ever wanted to see Peyton Manning set someone on fire with a football? Well now you can, thanks to “Football Cops”, the upcoming DirecTV docu-drama (I’m assuming) from the producers of “The Wire” (I’m assuming) that pairs together the Manning brothers as cops from the “Sabotage” video and has them literally killing people (other than Giants fans) with passes.

The most fun part of the Football Cops video is reading every blogger’s attempt to figure out whether or not it’s an actual show or just a fun viral commercial thing. You can check out the “>show’s official home page and decide for yourself, then hop online and explain it thoroughly. My opinion? I just like jokes about football-themed cops being “out of bounds”. If it turns out to be real, I will send them $100 if they film a scene where a bunch of kids run by yelling AY YO OMAR COMIN’, OMAR COMIN’ and then Omar Gaither comes around the corner whistling “Farmer in the Dell”.

I think A.J. Feeley would work well in the Prez role.

I know I’m mostly a baseball and pro wrestling guy (and softball, if anything ever happens with that), but as the editor of With Leather it’s my duty to write about all arenas of sport, so I’m making an effort to get into things. For example, there’s this thing called “football” that a lot of people I know enjoy. It’s a lot like baseball, only with more fat people and constant time-outs. Seriously, how can you watch football? There are like four penalties thrown for every player that moves. If you want to win the Super Bowl, just stand still all season, they won’t be able to do anything to you.

And yes, I’m kidding. I’m just trolling you, I know why you watch football. I’m not that much of a jerk. You watch it because you’re drunk!

Sports

Inside Camp Eli - Eli Manning always seems like he’s one step away from donning a denim vest and becoming the NFL’s version of Ernest. I can picture him now, hanging onto a windowsil until somebody closes the window on his fingers, then staring down at his fingers calmly for a while before looking at the camera and screaming. [KSK]

Hilary Swank Publicly Palms Paramour’s Package at Mavs-Lakers Game - This is pretty funny (and a nice contrast to yesterday’s “stop grabbing our boobs at sporting events” article), but I’m still a little disappointed that the picture isn’t Hilary Swank palming the girl from Paramore. [Sportress of Blogitude]

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Last week, Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the NFL’s most worthless event with a musical number called the Pro Bowl Shuffle. With the help of Will Arnett, fellow Saturday Night Live alum Horatio Sanz and others, Fallon performed a pretty solid parody of NFL stars like Tom Brady, Brett Favre, Eli Manning, Michael Vick and Troy Polamalu. But the most remarkable aspect of this sketch was that Fallon didn’t once break character to laugh at his own jokes.

The Pro Bowl, of course, will be held the week before the Super Bowl this year, which means that it will be even lamer than ever, as players from the Super Bowl teams won’t be taking part in this exhibition of classic half-assery. And just for the sake of predictions, this means that the AFC and NFC will be without Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, respectively. Feel free to tell me how they’ll actually be without Troy Polamalu and Matt Ryan, and then let’s all meet back here in a few weeks to congratulate the 11-9 Seattle Seahawks.

Video after the jump…

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Giants quarterback Eli Manning signed an extension, as reported earlier this morning by…somebody. Somebody had it first, and I really don’t know who it was. I can’t keep track of all of this.

Fox reported that the deal is worth $97.5 million over six seasons, including $35 million in guaranteed money. Manning is entering the final season of his six-year, approximately $50 million contract. via, via.

Why is it that the highest-paid player in team sports never seems to be the BEST player? You’d think that with the 50 draft picks that the Giants sent to San Diego in 2004 that New York had paid enough for a guy that was pretty much useless after Plaxico shot himself in the leg. But “Manning” has become a brand name in the NFL, much like “Samsung” has for electronics or “Asian threesome” for adult entertainment. I guess what I’m saying is that this deal doesn’t make any sense at all since Eli’s not Korean. Or downloadable to my iPod. Hey, sometimes business has to be tended to remotely.