Giants quarterback Eli Manning signed an extension, as reported earlier this morning by…somebody. Somebody had it first, and I really don’t know who it was. I can’t keep track of all of this.
Fox reported that the deal is worth $97.5 million over six seasons, including $35 million in guaranteed money. Manning is entering the final season of his six-year, approximately $50 million contract. via, via.
Why is it that the highest-paid player in team sports never seems to be the BEST player? You’d think that with the 50 draft picks that the Giants sent to San Diego in 2004 that New York had paid enough for a guy that was pretty much useless after Plaxico shot himself in the leg. But “Manning” has become a brand name in the NFL, much like “Samsung” has for electronics or “Asian threesome” for adult entertainment. I guess what I’m saying is that this deal doesn’t make any sense at all since Eli’s not Korean. Or downloadable to my iPod. Hey, sometimes business has to be tended to remotely.
There wasn’t much of a stir when the NFL announced that it would look to sell advertising space on its practice jersey for ads, but it looks like one little trailblazer will elect to not wear his sponsor-laden jersey in front of the cameras as intended? And who is this modern-day Rosa Parks? Eli Manning, whose personal endorsement deal with Citizen watches conflicts with the Timex ads that will appear on Giants’ practice jerseys this season.
Manning’s jersey has the patch on it and news crews might be able to film the small patch – 3½ inches by 4½ inches - from afar, but for this practice and all future practices, Manning is not expected to give Timex much love due to his conflict of interest. We’re told Manning will do interviews before practice in a t-shirt and will take off his pads for any interviews after practice. via.
This is like the Dream Team in Barcelona all over again. Just drape an American flag over the shoulder, Eli. Or your special woobie. We all know you have it stashed in your locker. It’ll be your only hope at salvation once Plaxico Burress is locked up. Personally, I only like blankets for strangling hookers and climbing out of tall hotel rooms. Those activities go together like peanut butter and jelly when you think about it.
ASYLUM POLL: Should NFL Teams Have Jersey Ads?
Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrated his 28th birthday last Friday night at swanky Manhattan club Tenjune on annoyingly-hard-to-find Little West 12th Street. Along for the ride were some teammates and his wife Abby, who apparently gets a little frisky after some tequila shots.
After a few rounds of tequila shots, our spy said Eli’s wife, Abby “gave him a special lap dance” while Beyoncé’s hit, “Single Ladies,” blared. “They were trying to hide, but everyone on the dance floor could see them.”
I, for one, disapprove of Page Six’s invasion of Eli and Abby’s privacy. A lap dance is a sacred thing that gets shared between a man and his wife. Or a man and a coke-addled high school dropout. Or a man and a Colombian immigrant with hair extensions. Or a man and another man who looks like a woman. I could go on, but kids and animals are slow to learn how to give a proper lap dance. Or so I’ve heard. From your dad.
For those of you New Yorkers not going to the Steinberg-Magary-Bissinger toolfest tonight, I’d like to recommend a much nobler cause than getting drunk and hoping for angry outbursts from Pulitzer winners: the Doodle for Hunger charity auction benefiting Capuchin Food Pantries.
As you can see from the above selection of works by famous athletes, this may be your only chance to own a shitty drawing of a stick figure playing football. Unless you know a five-year-old. And, although it wasn’t unveiled at Capuchin’s website, there will also be a masterpiece from Eli Manning (see final item).
For next year’s show, I’d like to nominate Brady Quinn and Michael Strahan. Just because there’s something really enjoyable about seeing pro athletes being absolutely terrible at something. Well, terrible at something besides wearing condoms.
Show of hands: who had the 4-0 Super Bowl champions getting their asses handed to them by the 1-3 Browns on national television? Hmmm, I see it’s all the same readers who claim they have a girlfriend. Interesting.
Anyway, it’s true: Browns 35, Giants 14. Both teams rolled back the clocks to this approximate time last year, when Derek Anderson (18/29-310-2-0) and Braylon Edwards (154 yards, 1 TD) were surprising fans by not sucking, while Eli Manning (three interceptions) was continuing his legacy of not being as good as his brother. Man, I miss those days.
The loss snaps an 11-game road win streak for the Giants, and it capped off a much-needed return to Earth for the NFC East, one in which the Redskins and Cowboys suffered humiliating losses and the Eagles waited three quarters to show up before escaping with a win in San Francisco. That makes the last undefeated team in the NFL the… Titans? Who saw that coming? Oh, right: the guys with girlfriends.
With the U.S. Open underway and the NFL season about to start, now would be the obvious time for Oreo to revive the Double Stuf Racing League promo with a matchup of the Williams sisters versus the Manning brothers. Should be a close battle. Serena's been training all her life to eat Double Stufs competitively, but I wouldn't doubt that the Mannings could lick the chrome off a trailer hitch.
