And now, Taylor Hall turning into Yojimbo to slash Zbynek Michalek in the third period of Edmonton’s 3-1 loss to the Phoenix. Just straight-up raising a hockey stick over his head and trying to cut a man open from withers to brisket. Spoiler alert: No penalty was called. Whoops!
As we dip our toes into the 66th day of this NHL lockout, it shouldn’t surprise many people that yesterday’s latest crucial meeting was a complete dud, as talks lasted a whopping two hours. Among very few other things, the players union and league officials agreed to meet up again this morning to simply decide if they’re going to have another meeting. “That’s a good idea,” said hockey fans, adding, “Because you didn’t talk about sh*t yesterday.”
‘‘We talked about various things,’’ union executive director Donald Fehr said on a chilly Manhattan sidewalk outside the NHL office. ‘‘No new proposals were made, they were not expected to be made.” (Via the Boston Globe)
So the question that nobody is really asking is – what the hell are the fans doing to fill their void? According to one Edmonton business owner, NHL fans are getting their freak on.
Last Friday, the Edmonton Oilers surprised no one when they selected 18-year old Russian phenom Nail Yakupov with the first pick of the 2012 NHL Entry Draft. Yakupov, according to this incredible top secret website that I use to research stuff, hails from the Republic of Tatarstan. A fun fact about that region: I’ve never heard of it in my life.
Anywho, Yakupov is apparently so excited to play for the Oilers and win the team’s fans over that he launched an impromptu Q&A session on his Twitter account last night. And if you’re wondering how the interaction between a Russian teenager with basic English language skills and his fans would play out, well, it was about as adorable as you’d expect.
Now that’s just a small sample, as he responded to a lot of his followers, and most of his responses were one word or just emoticons. But there was one Oilers fan who really wanted to bring out the best of Yakupov.
Edmonton Oilers center Steve (I’m sorry, Gilbert) Brule thought he recognized a hitchhiker on the side of the road in British Columbia, so he got his girlfriend to stop the car, drive back and pick him up. It turns out the hitchhiker was f**king Bono of U2, and either this is the weirdest moment of kismet ever or the fakest story written by the fakest teen kid and sent in to the most gullible and possibly fakest news site. Which I guess would be us.
From Pro Sports Daily:
The pair then returned to find Bono, who confirmed his identity and asked for a lift to Horseshoe Bay. Brule and Nichols obliged, and Bono and his assistant traveled in back with Brule’s dog, Bella.
Bono then offered tickets to his show in Edmonton on Wednesday. Brule and Nichols agreed, and promptly sold their tickets to Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals in Vancouver to attend the U2 show.
Bono was so touched by the gesture that he addressed the crowd at the concert.
“I like ice hockey because people who play ice hockey are the kind of people who pick up hitchhikers,” Bono told the crowd. “I’m ever so grateful. I’ve decided that I want to be Gilbert Brule.”
Yeah, pretty sure this was written by Gilbert Brule.
Regardless, what the hell was Bono doing with his assistant and some U2 tickets on the side of the road in West Vancouver? Does he do this on purpose, waiting for somebody to drive by and be a good Samaritan so he can get them to trade Stanely Cup tickets for tickets to Zooropa (or whatever)? If I see a guy on the side of the road who looks like Tom Waits should I pick him up, even though there’s a 95% chance I’ll get robbed and stabbed, because he might actually be Tom Waits?
Thanks a lot, Bono.
As much as I bag on hockey, I really do like the sport despite being a St. Louis Blues fan and constantly miserable. What I really love is a good hockey fight, especially when the refs just let it happen, and even more so when everyone is into it. Take the Dallas Stars, for example. When fights break out at the American Airlines Center, the music from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out plays over the speaker system. And things were no different on Wednesday night when Dallas’ Krys Barch got into it with Edmonton’s Zack Stortini.
Dallas ended up winning the game 3-1, as Brenden Morrow had two goals, but the real winner was my childhood. I think it’s imperative that we include more theme songs from classic video games into sporting events. We could play the Tetris theme every time Tony LaRussa makes a lineup change or the Super Mario Bros. music at San Antonio Spurs games because Manu Ginobli looks like a Koopa Troopa.
Video after the jump…
In last Saturday’s game that had the Los Angeles Kings beating the Edmonton Oilers 5-2, Kings defenseman Drew Doughty decided to decapitate (please acknowledge that great alliteration) Edmonton’s poor little rookie Taylor Hall, the pride and joy of the Oilers right now. The very clean hit did not go over well with the rest of the Oilers, including Dustin Penner, who promptly stopped playing hockey (as is hockey player reflex when someone on your team gets rocked) and started jumping on any Los Angeles player near them.
Hall, who looks like a douche from his roster picture, gets up after the hit, shoves a guy once, then stands there, probably with tears streaming down his face that we can’t see. It’s absolutely precious for a kid whose middle name is Strba (that’s not a name, that’s a bunch of random letters). At the two-minute mark is the greatest replay of Doughty’s crushing check, because it’s in SLOOOWWWWW MOTIOOONNNNN, the greatest invention for sports ever. Seriously, show me a person who doesn’t like slow-motion replays, and I’ll kill him. Simple as that.
