It wasn’t LeBron, D-Wade or even Chris Bosh that hit the go-ahead three to nail down a win against Oklahoma City over the weekend. It was Eddie House, he of the 11-years’ and nine-different-teams’ worth of NBA experience, who celebrated his big shot with a tribute to Major League 2 that seemed totally appropriate for the occasion. When asked about the $25,000 fine from the NBA office the following day, House said he “was very surprised” but that doing the Big Balls Dance “was something within the game that I was going to be able to do.” Can we get a ruling on this, Trey Kirby?
Ah, yes, the classic “within the game” defense, which certainly applies to a celebration where you act like you have enormous testicles. Just like Dr. James Naismith included in his “13 Rules of Basketball.” No. 12, of course, reads like so: “If a player makes a big three-pointer, said player should and will be allowed to act as if he’s got gigantic stones. No fines shall be assessed for this action.” It’s a celebration as old as the game itself.
Of course, in Naismith’s day, the pantomime was performed much closer to the abdomen. Because the game was full of white folks back then, see. But I defer all questions on the NBA and testicles to Kirbz, who is an authority on such matters. Plus he bakes a mean chocolate almond biscotti.