I can’t claim to know much about the Dutch second division, nor do I know about De Graafschap or SC Veendam. I do, however, know two important things about soccer:

1. If you are a pro soccer player and the goal is wide open, you should probably be able to get it in.
2. “Jumping at the ball like a dolphin” is not an effective way to do this.

That’s what Polish striker Piotr Parzyszek pulled about nine feet in front of the wide-ass-open goal in this clip. He’s going for a header, I guess, and instead just jumped into the air like a fish and failed. Those boos were well-deserved. At first I thought he was trying to flop off his own header, but no, it was simply shame.

I’d also like to recommend that you go back and watch this entire highlight video, because this guy’s name is super funny to me:

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The question posed: If you were holding a beer, how efficiently could you remove a woman’s bra with your free hand? What if she was wearing a dog mask?

To answer the question, Dutch TV enlisted the help of top-ranked UFC monster Alistair Overeem, a man whose hands can do all sorts of unconventional things to women.

He does a fine job of unhooking a line of womens’ bras (while they’re wearing bunny masks, which makes me think this whole thing’s being orchestrated by Sander Cohen) and at the end he rides away on a three-wheeler while “Born To Be Wild” plays. I think a good litmus test for personal worth is to watch the video and note any instances of you thinking, “wow, this is cool!” The only way I can think to explain it is as the gender equivalent of Brock Lesnar murdering prairie dogs with machine guns.

[h/t Rant Sports]

Sure, the following video has over a million views already, but does it count if 900,000 of those views are Dutch? This is Baerke van der Meij, an 18-month word scramble who just so happens to be outstanding at soccer. If a cat had done this the video would have forty million views already.

Well, Dutch top flight club VVV-Venlo watched the clip and signed the undeveloped human baby to a 10-year professional contract.

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Lemmings are indigenous to northern climes, which is a lesson government officials in Switzerland learned this week when they had to change the color of the safety vests worn by the country's railway workers because some Dutch fuckwits followed them onto the tracks thinking the workers were fellow fans. Hey, what's that horn? Never heard a noisemaker like that befoOOAAAHHHHHH!

Switzerland's national railway has told its workers to stop using their normal orange reflective vests after confused Dutch soccer fans started following them on to the tracks.

A railway spokesman said the changed strip had been prompted by an incident in the Swiss capital Berne when a group of Netherlands supporters followed a worker on to the lines after mistaking his uniform for their traditional orange dress.

The Dutch being cool with the drugs and prostitution stuff, they must have figured the railroad tracks were a reasonable place to find something to their liking in another country. Usually that's were I go to view all the cool dead bodies. Maybe they wanted to be the dead bodies. They're into that kind of experiential stuff in Holland/Netherlands/Stupidcloggyville.