We Haven’t Had A Good Faceplant In A While…

Written by JOSH Z / 09.13.10

faceplant 327 down bike rail

I always wondered about this: if I got hit in the face and the nuts at the same time, which would hurt worse? I mean, getting hit in the face is always crazy scary, but could it possibly hurt worse than violent unpleasantness toward your two best friends? I wish I could have talked to this guy after this crash, but honestly, he should have disclosed his findings at the end of this video. I thought he was making this video for medical research. Some scientific method he has. This is why Asia is lapping us in everything, people. Read the rest of this entry »

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Greatest Tattoo Ever.

Written by JOSH Z / 06.21.10

tecmo_bowl_arm_tattoo

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! –via @KyleBrandt34.

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Seattle Says N-O To TO

Written by Ryan Walsh / 05.27.10

toPete Carroll is bringing his super-chill coaching style to Seattle, which would have been perfect for a guy like all around good guy sitcom star Super Bowl champion with the Philadelphia Eagles fuck it, Terrell Owens. Unfortunately for TO, Seattle GM John Schneider says the chances of Terrell going to the Seahawks are low, like Amish BAC low.

Although the Seahawks have expressed what was described as “preliminary interest” in free agent wide receiver Terrell Owens, Seattle G.M. John Schneider says the chances of Owens actually signing with the team are remote. Schneider said the Seahawks don’t intend to offer Owens a contract unless “something drastic happens.” –PFT

Owens had probably the worst statistical season of his career last season in Buffalo. He’s getting older, but I’d credit his drop in numbers to having Trent Edwards throwing him the ball. Not to mention that TO probably wanted to shoot himself in the face living in upstate New York. I’d rather tie a steak to my member and stick it in a tiger’s mouth than live in Buffalo. Some classic TO antics after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

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High School Baseball Player Pees On The Field–During The National Anthem

Written by JOSH Z / 05.17.10
high school port o potty on field

Lobster Dog can hit for power, but can't field to save his life.

A Virginia high school baseball player caused a ruckus when he peed on the baseball field during the national anthem. On a dare. He’s lucky; they probably would have killed him if he had done that in Yankee Stadium. I’m sure the school district will go out of their way now to explain that the kid did nothing that he would consider unpatriotic.

“We want to make this very clear, this kid did nothing that he considered unpatriotic,” Wise County Schools Superintendent Jeff Perry said. “It was a stupid mistake; he has accepted responsibility. And that, coupled with the fact that he has had a very good record in the past – he’s going to pay for it, but we don’t have to behead him, we don’t have to crucify him.”

Yet a half a dozen sources in Big Stone Gap, who asked that their names not be published, named Jacob Huff [as the culprit], a football star and “all-around good kid from a good family.” According to the team’s on-line roster, the sophomore is a varsity pitcher and outfielder. He’s a celebrated quarterback on the football team, according to accounts in sports pages across the Tri-Cities, and his father is listed on the Powell Valley High School’s website as a coach and physical education teacher.–Bristol Herald Courier., via Prep Insiders.

The kid will probably wind up with a slap on the wrist, surely in part because his dad actually works at the school. It always blows my mind how teachers with kids are interested in disciplining everyone else’s kids except their own. What kind of token punishment will this kid receive? Thought you’d never ask.

[One suggestion for] proper punishment for urinating on the field during the National Anthem. He suggested a public apology, then an assignment to research patriotism, which should be presented to the school.

It’s true that fields at the high school level don’t get the same amount of water as the pros. But how could you get caught taking a whiz during the anthem? The players are facing the field and everyone’s looking at the flag. The least he could have done was done his business in foul territory. But not on the line…because that’s bad luck or something.

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CRASH MONTAGE…STARRING RUNAWAY MOTORBIKE

Written by JOSH Z / 03.19.10

STUNT bike montage crash

There’s something magical about mentally deficient people and motorcycles. When these two dangerous things come together, it’s as magical as a unicorn getting those deep grass stains out of your baseball pants without using bleach. Following the fold is a solid montage of motorcycle crashes that made me both laugh and cringe. And then I laughed some more, because I realize that sharing videos like this is what I get paid to do. But the credit goes to the stars of the show below. God bless them, and God bless these fifty United States. Read the rest of this entry »

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I THINK I LOVE DAN ORLOVSKY NOW

Written by JOSH Z / 03.11.10

DAN_ORLOVSKY

Remember when Dan Orlovsky took that snap against Minnesota two years ago and then just wandered out of the end zone? [It's after the jump if you don't] Orlovsky does, and he was amazing enough to commemorate his famously boneheaded play with this unique Mickelson-esque signature of “I’m just an idiot.” That’s amazingly big of a guy who may never find himself in an NFL game. I wonder if the Texans used the same verbiage when they signed Orlovsky to a $9 million contract last March. One can at least presume that they did so implicitly. @ShaneBacon, via Detroit4Lyfe. Read the rest of this entry »

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