Noted Caucasian Jon Scheyer didn’t get called for traveling on this play over the weekend against Virginia Tech, which is amazing considering that the referees surely saw this play from the week before and thought, “Hey, maybe we should look out for that.” But then Coach K called them a cadre of bat-eating Jews or something and they got all freaked out and forgot about it. Or, maybe they just don’t give a shit about college basketball. And fellas, if that’s the case, we should really hang out and not watch college basketball sometime. I could use some real friends.

Forgive the gratuitous Bloodsport reference in the headline, but it's all I can do to get excited about today's news of the announced roster of the U.S. men's basketball team.

Kobe Bryant, fresh off a disappointing NBA Finals performance, will make his first appearance at the Olympics, where he'll be joined by Bron-Bron, 'Melo, Dwyane Wade, Jason Kidd, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer, Chris Bosh, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Michael Redd and Deron Williams. They're going to try to avenge that one time the U.S. went to the Olympics and totally sucked and lost to Puerto Rico, Argentina and Lithuania. Wait, that was the last one. Seems like so long since I was forced to pretend to care about Olympic basketball.

They seem to have assembled a decent enough squad. Hey, this team still is led by Coach K, right? Oh, well then I hate 'em already. I suppose it is noteworthy that they found something that could make me turn against the eminent likability of Chris Paul. Oh yeah, and my country. Such is the odiousness of Mike Krzyzewski. You know he's the one who turned the bloods and the crips against each other? Almost as good as his early work with all those Muslim sects.