I’m not sure which day will haunt me more: the day I first learned that there was no Santa Claus…or the day that I learned that Orlando Magic guard J.J. Redick was releasing a rap album.

He said as much in a video interview originally posted on the NBA’s main website (which says it was “added” yesterday). His currently-unnamed “rap supergroup” already has a name for their first album, “Waste Management,” which should drop before the…alright, honestly, this is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

This is like Kevin Garnett trying out for the Pittsburgh Penguins. I mean, a rap album? This is a joke, yes? I’d have a better chance of believing Allan Iverson getting into Augusta National. I refuse to believe this is happening. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make a quick run to Walmart for canned food and shotguns. –NBA Offseason, via Unsilent.

Video of JJ’s interview is after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

I said four months ago that Greg Paulus wouldn’t play football anywhere in Division I. I was wrong.

First-year head coach Doug Marrone made the announcement Monday night with a statement through the sports information office.

Because he graduated from Duke in four years and did not redshirt, he received a waiver from the NCAA, allowing him to play football at Syracuse for one season without having to sit out a year. via, via.

Paulus, who was a four-time all-state quarterback in New York, certainly has the natural ability to play the position; I’m just curious how the Syracuse program benefits as a whole. Can he be that much better than the three or four guys on the roster that have been playing football all along? Maybe. Maybe it comes down to star power, as Doug Marrone will take any marquee player he can get to help lay the foundation for his program, not only on the field, but also at the box office and on the highlight shows. And that’s fine. But it utimately will be Paulus’ arm that keeps Marrone’s ass employed. But at least now he’ll have a few more interested spectators watching.

The only imaginable scenario where one could even consider rooting for Duke is when their being sued by one of their own douchebag alums. Andrew Giuliani, son of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, already has his degree from Duke, and now he has a result on the lawsuit he filed against the school and the golf team in 2008–he lost. From The Smoking Gun:

In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon’s May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument “brings to mind Carl Spackler’s analysis” from “Caddyshack”: “He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think.” Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he’s got that going for him.

I guess the magistrate couldn’t rule “meteor,” but whatever. At least now he’ll be free to watch his dad botch another presidential campaign or two, and maybe another marriage if he’s lucky. Or that meteor might come around during the appeal. Once the lawyers get involved, I just hide under a table and wait for the shouting to stop. Just like every Christmas dinner.

Apparently, Greg Paulus is heading to Syracuse for his one year (maybe) of college football so he can continue living the dream of being a sub-par Division I athlete. And since everyone except me is engaged in autoerotic acts in the presence of this story, I’ll just blockquote what I had to say about it last month.

Granted, [Syracuse is] a smart play on his part, visiting a BCS school with a first-year head coach and a need to make some headlines any way it can. But that situation doesn’t change the fact that (a) NCAA teams’ spring practice sessions are over, (b) Paulus would need an eligibility waiver signed by whatever school would take him, and (c) he’d only be eligible for one season–provided he wasn’t forced to sit out.

This will probably happen, and he could very well play. His competition for the starting job should come from redshirt freshman QB Ryan Nassib who, we can deduce from basic logic, is less of a douchebag than Paulus. Also less of a douchebag than Paulus? Everyone. Only the NCAA can save us now by refusing his waiver, but I think there’s a better chance of me turning into a Taiwanese cop and appearing on The View.

|as first seen from Holly @ Dr. S|

Fresh off accomplishing absolutely nothing last season, Duke basketball coach Mike Kysyklsklgfmnsky appeared as a guest on The Colbert Report last night. The thing that impresses me about that show is that Colbert can throw his guests into totally awkward moments and yet people still want to be on the show. I can’t even get someone into my neighborhood without a little sleight-of-hand and GHB. Ah, science, succeeding where self-confidence and lack of consent fail.

|as first seen on First Cuts|

I’m getting rather GD tired (GD = God damn) of this Greg Paulus non-story story. This story is a Joaquin Phoenix-esque load–which reminds me a lot of this guy–and I can’t believe anybody thinks that arguably the most effeminate player in college basketball is going to wind up playing quarterback somewhere, be it the NFL or NCAA. NAIA possibly, but that’s like glorified high school anyway.

But he got a tryout with the Packers, yo. No, he got a workout with the Packers. Do the Packers REALLY NEED another inexperienced quarterback after Aaron Rodgers, Matt Flynn and Brian Brohm? And how is a little sissy like Paulus have a snowball’s chance at running the spread option at Michigan? And lo and behold, they’re no longer interested.

But now Paulus wants to investigate Syracuse. Granted, that’s a smart play on his part, visiting a BCS school with a first-year head coach and a need to make some headlines any way it can. But that situation doesn’t change the fact that (a) NCAA teams’ spring practice sessions are over, (b) Paulus would need an eligibility waiver signed by whatever school would take him, and (c) he’d only be eligible for one season–provided he wasn’t forced to sit out.

The best he can hope for is getting kidnapped by Jon Gruden the night before the draft. Ugh, all of this is making my brain hurt. And I’m just trying to make fun of the guy.