In an elaborate ruse to get people to quit hating Duke for a second, a few sportswriters focused on the fact that Nolan Smith’s father, who was a key member of the 1979-1980 national champion Louisville team, died when Nolan was only 8 years old. Nice try, guys, but Duke can still get stuffed with a marlinspike.

But learning about Derek Smith has been fun, mostly because he once claimed to have invented the high five, according to Paul Dickson.

“The origin of the gesture and the term were claimed by Derek Smith of the University of Louisville basketball team, which won the NCAA championship in the 1979-80 season. Smith was quoted [widely] to the effect that he and two fellow Georgians on the Louisville squad, Wiley Brown and Daryl Cleveland … [created the] high five during pre-season practice and introduced [it] to the nation in 1979.”

You mean to tell me the high five is only about 30 years old? Sounds a little iffy to me. I mean, I could have sworn I’ve seen cave paintings depicting hunters swapping fives next to a felled mammoth. The move is just one of those things that existed since time immemorial, like fire and racism. Still, even if Nolan Smith’s dead dad was a dirty liar, at least Nolan got to experience what every son has from time to time: the embarrassment of a father’s obvious falsehoods. THE DENTIST’S OFFICE WAS NOT LOCATED IN DISNEY WORLD, DAD!

Well, la-dee-freakin’-da, how ’bout them Dukies!

In a thrilling game from the opening tip until Gordon Hayward’s desperation 45-footer caromed off the backboard then off the rim at the buzzer, Duke edged Butler 61-59 Monday night to win the school’s fourth national championship and how very happy we all are for them. Neither team led by more than six points at any time and Butler never appeared overwhelmed or intimidated by the Duke’s Aura of Excellence at any point.

But the road traveled by Duke to excellence was a tough one. Between sophomoric (but brilliant) sports departments at Midwestern newspapers to the usual binge drinkers of Duke-brand Haterade, it has been a struggle for Coach K’s minions as well as his devout followers to stand strong in the face of pressure to not only be the only number one seed to reach the Final Four but to win the whole darn thing. Kudos to them. Really. It’s really, really great.

Of course the knee-jerk accolades have already begun to pour in. David Dodd , Senior Writer for CBS Sports, has decreed the debate over and that Mike Krzyzewski is the greatest college coach of all-time, despite admitting in his own argument that Coach K is “miles” behind John Wooden’s 10 national titles. Wooden? Screw that guy. If Krzyzewski had his druthers, he would slow dance on the grave of Coach Wooden with the Blue Devils mascot – you know, if John Wooden were actually dead.

But what do I know? I didn’t even watch the game live last night. Instead, I went and saw Clash of the Titans. Hey, if I’m going to watch someone parade around with a God complex for two hours, it might as well be an actual god. Or at least one portrayed by the dreamy Liam Neeson.

One of the greatest rivalries in sports was renewed last night, but only one team showed up. North Carolina’s struggles continued last night as coach Mike Krzyzewski and Duke beat the Tar Heels in their own building last night, 64-54. It was an ugly game that saw both teams shoot no better than 35 percent from the field.

“I thought it was a gritty performance,” Krzyzewski said. “The ball was not going in and they blocked a lot of shots. … For us to keep up our defense and rebounding when the ball wasn’t going in the basket was a big thing.”

The Blue Devils had lost six of seven meetings during a stretch that seemed to signal a shift in power between the programs back to the light blue in Chapel Hill. North Carolina (13-11, 2-7) has won two national championships, including last year in Detroit, since Duke last went to a Final Four in 2004. –Y! Sports.

Duke and UNC will close out the season in Durham on March 6th, and then the ‘Heels will almost certainly have to win the ACC tournament to get into the field of 65. Roy Williams’ squad, one year after winning the whole thing. It’s conceivable that the ACC could send eight teams to the tournament–and UNC wouldn’t be one of them. Unreal.

Uncoached found some pictures of a Duke underclassman that would probably get you “red E” to polish up….your resume’. You know, so you can get a good job and make enough money that she’d find you attractive. Or you could probably just buy a tanning bed and put it in your basement. Just leave a trail of knockoff designer bags into your mother’s house and you’re all set.

Noted Caucasian Jon Scheyer didn’t get called for traveling on this play over the weekend against Virginia Tech, which is amazing considering that the referees surely saw this play from the week before and thought, “Hey, maybe we should look out for that.” But then Coach K called them a cadre of bat-eating Jews or something and they got all freaked out and forgot about it. Or, maybe they just don’t give a shit about college basketball. And fellas, if that’s the case, we should really hang out and not watch college basketball sometime. I could use some real friends.

Maryland took a 40-point pounding to Duke earlier this year, and even though the margin of failure last night wasn’t that severe, the Terps did manage some degree of redemption with this rather badass screen on Duke’s Nolan Smith. He was knocked the fu¢k out, as we say. Give credit to Dave Neal for using his obesity as a weapon. Who would have thought a black guy named Nolan would turn out to be such a pussy?

[GIF created from video on Mr. Irrelevant, viaHell In A Red Shell]