Every week I write the Best And Worst Of WWE Raw column, but I barely ever talk about Smackdown. If you’d like me to recap every Smackdown between 2004 and early 2012, I can do it in four words: TEDDY LONG TAG TEAM MATCH.
Former Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long (aka WCW’s Theodore R. Long, aka “Peanuthead”) ran a wrestling show for almost 8 years with only one programming idea:
1. Wait until 2-6 wrestlers were arguing in the ring. 2. Interrupt those wrestlers with a rap song about Teddy Long. 3. Announce that if those wrestlers had an issue, they could resolve it in a TAG TEAM MATCH*!
*With Teddy you can’t just type “tag team match,” because that’s not how he says it. He says TAG TEAM MATCH.
Teddy is no longer GM, but now, thanks to YouTube user mekabizh1, you can relive the glory days with this nearly 7-minute long compilation of Teddy showing up, doing the most predictable thing a guy in charge of a wrestling show can do, and bailing. As an added bonus, I’ve included some of my favorite TAG TEAM MATCH memes and videos after the jump. So check this out and enjoy it, but don’t get confrontational with anybody about it, because … well …
What you’re watching is the latest video from the confrontationally-capitalized talkSPORT Magazine. “People Are Awesome” (Sports Edition) compiles some of the best videos of humans being “pretty bloody good at sport” and is a great way to spend five minutes of your holiday-weekend Friday afternoon. Your jaw’s guaranteed to drop at least once or twice.
The only problem is that about 10 seconds in the video compromises its integrity by throwing in an Evan Longoria Gillette commercial, causing me (and most people, I’m assuming) to spend the rest of the video trying to figure out what’s real and what isn’t. The parkour stuff looks real. The hip-hop dog at the end isn’t real no matter what the YouTube description says. Enya dubstep remixes? Definitely real.
Check that out and draw your own conclusions. If you like it, the original full-length “People Are Awesome” (80% Powerade Commercials And Us Being Trick By Things Edition) is after the jump.
Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming - Between this, the faux-Santa Baby thing and Trudy Campbell’s Charleston, Alison Brie is my favorite dancer. Sorry, Jabbazwockee. [UPROXX]
Chris Brown Has A New Pickup Line Sure To Make All The Ladies Melt - I also would’ve accepted, “my dancing looks mostly stupid but people say it’s cool, so date me or I’ll literally murder you”. [UPROXX]
Chris Brown Vs. Seagulls - I can’t wait for him to start abusing animals so people can be all, “what’s the big deal why don’t you forgive him??” [Buzzfeed]
7 Attractive People Landed Pilots This Week, Let’s Rank Them by Aesthetic Value - Worst part about the new Warming Glow — whatever aesthetic makes them decide Kate Moennig is less attractive than Kumar. [Warming Glow]
5 Things Tim Schafer Needs to do To Make His Fan-Funded Adventure Game Truly Great - Thing 6 – Change the name of it to ‘Lufia and the’ something something. Thing 7 – straight up Lufia game. [Gamma Squad]
7 WTF Endorsement Deals Featuring Rappers - If you like Beats By Dre, you’ll love being beaten by Chris Brown! etc. [Smoking Section]
Frotcast 87: ‘Ask a Porn Guy’ w/Seymore Butts, Lindy West vs. Penn Jillette - Again, is Shane from Shane’s World still alive, and if so, would she consider staying in my guest room for a few months? [Film Drunk]
Bill Oakley Tweets Top 10 ‘Simpsons’ Episode Pitches That Never Made It To Air For 500th Episode - “Homer gets a job as a ____. Is worried that he and Marge may get divorced. Accidentally hurts himself!” has been the plot of every episode since like, 200. [HuffPost Comedy]
TMZ asks the question of our time. Emma Stone or Rooney Mara who would you rather? - Mara, but only if she was Dragon Tattoo’d up. Emma Stone is pretty, but too Modern Drew Barrymore Faced for my tastes. [FARK]
Hipster Cat Is the Only Dubstep DJ You’ll Ever Need - Wait, now HIPSTERS listen to dubstep? Get your broad generalizations in order, Internet. [The FW]
Capes? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Capes! The Best Superhero Movies Not Based On A Comic Book (Or Other Source Material) - I like Unbreakable so much it justified me seeing at least three terrible M. Night Shyamalan movies in a row. The Last Airbender was the last straw. See you in Hell, M. Night. [Pajiba]
Watch the Trailer for ‘Marley,’ Kevin Macdonald’s Documentary About Bob Marley - Spoiler alert: Marley dies at the end. Wait, are we talking about the same movie? [Brobible|Alison Brie And Danny Pudi Perform ‘Everybody Dance Now’ To Close Out ‘Community’ Season 3 Filming |UPROXX]