Tennis star Venus Williams surprised onlookers last week by wearing pants that completely covered her ass.  Also, she was filmed on a Carnival Cruise doing a choroegraphed karaoke dance routine to a 311 song, judged by the leader singer of 311.  I’m not sure when that sentence stops being true and descends into a Eugène Ionesco level of Absurdism.  I’m also not sure whether the guy from 311 judged Venus based on his own standards for sub-Incubus jamband talk-singing, or on how naturally her amber-colored energy causes shades of gold to display.

In case you don’t believe this actually happened (and remember, we’re on the same Internet as an entire gallery’s worth of corgis wearing sunglasses), please click through and watch the video for yourself.  And watch it quickly, before somebody takes it down, down.

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I don’t know what the hell this is, but it’s awesome. It’s a karaoke nightmare with Roger Staubach, Tony Romo, Brett Hull, and more! It’s bizzarely bad. SO BAD. Whoever pulled this off has my undying love and affection. No one in this video should ever sing again. Ever. Anywhere. via @JaredMSF; Thanks, Brandon

Way back in November I wrote about Patriots' backup QB Matt Cassell getting cut off from the bar at Larry Izzo's charity karaoke party because he was — what's the phrase?  A drunken mess?  Sloppy drunk?  Kennedy'd?  My English, it's-a not so good.  Well, there's video of him being just really awesome on stage.  If blogging has taught me anything, it's that there's always video.

WARNING: You really shouldn't watch this if you get turned on by sexy male crooners.  I'm not gonna lie: I make Clint Eastwood look queer, and even I got a little turned on.

Yeah, I have no idea why he got cut off.

Thanks to sexily-named reader Matt for the video.

That fellow in the middle up there is Matt Cassell (you should recognize him, he almost never wears a football helmet). Cassell famously rode the bench for, like, 8 years behind Matt Leinart and Carson Palmer at USC, and now he's got backup duty behind Dreamboat in New England. He's been holding clipboards for sexy quarterbacks so long he's probably got more image issues than a 130-pound sorority girl in a houseful of size-2s. So I guess it's no surprise that he just had to let it all out:

Tom Brady’s understudy was either drinking to forget the “Sunday Night Football” debacle or he required much liquid courage before climbing up on stage to belt out LL Cool J’s “Doin’ It Again” with teammate Ellis Hobbs. Either way, after visting the bar a few times Matt became a regular karaoke cowboy… which is when the boisterous benchwarmer ran into trouble. “When he was up on stage with Hobbs, a couple of the bodyguards took the opportunity to speak to the ladies tending bar in the VIP area,” said Someone Who Was There. “They told them under no circumstances were they to give Matt any more to drink.”

"Doin' It Again," of course, is a remix of "Doin' It Well," which means that Cassell likely wept at the irony after the song ended.