Tennis star Venus Williams surprised onlookers last week by wearing pants that completely covered her ass. Also, she was filmed on a Carnival Cruise doing a choroegraphed karaoke dance routine to a 311 song, judged by the leader singer of 311. I’m not sure when that sentence stops being true and descends into a Eugène Ionesco level of Absurdism. I’m also not sure whether the guy from 311 judged Venus based on his own standards for sub-Incubus jamband talk-singing, or on how naturally her amber-colored energy causes shades of gold to display.
In case you don’t believe this actually happened (and remember, we’re on the same Internet as an entire gallery’s worth of corgis wearing sunglasses), please click through and watch the video for yourself. And watch it quickly, before somebody takes it down, down.