Some things are just naturally funny. “Drunk people who fall down so hard they look like they got dragged across the room by a giant vacuum” and “people who do bad karate to punching bags and end up hurting themselves” are two big ones, so this clip of a guy throwing some Muay Thai knees to a heavy bag and eating floor is pretty much amazing. He bobs his shoulders like a bad-ass (or something) and then gets yanked into the darkness like some Tony Jaa remake of Paranormal Activity. All it needed was somebody throwing up and it would’ve been the first two minutes of next week’s “Tosh.0″.

I also love that his name is “Geoff”, which is such an aborted spelling of “Jeff” that it makes him read like a Street Fighter character.

[h/t Buzzfeed]

If you weren’t taking inventory of your beef jerky and pornography for the rapture on Saturday, there’s a good chance that you tuned into the 136th annual Preakness Stakes to see Shackleford out-horse the rest of this year’s equine contenders. Shackleford notably surrendered the lead to Animal Kingdom at the Kentucky Derby earlier this year, and it appeared to be déjà vu all over again as Kingdom made a late run at the Preakness title. But Shackleford held Kingdom off to eliminate any hopes of a Triple Crown win this year, so now we can talk about what really matters – girls in bikinis.

Everyone knows that the real Preakness highlights take place at the infield party, and this year’s party was off the chain, hook and any other slang terms that the kids use these days. Not only could you check out the ladies of the 2011 Jagermeister International Bikini Contest, but you could also stalk hang out with infield hostess and former WWE star Stacy Keibler, as well as enjoy music by Bruno Mars and Train. Did I say enjoy? Sorry, that was careless of me.

There were also plenty of sort-of-celebrities in attendance, and the Baltimore Sun’s extensive Preakness coverage captured all of the action, including the bikinis and celebs.

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Hugging Harold Reynolds posted this video yesterday, and it certainly is worth watching. A rather inebriated woman goes up to NBA player Rashard Lewis at what looks like an NBA shop and peppers him with oddly worded questions. You’d think Lewis would look like the smarter one in this situation, but when he says that he’s afraid of Jesus, you start to think this is a perfect conversation.

Despite her drunken appearance, you could certainly do worse with a sideline reporter. Unlike Craig Sager, she’s only aurally and not visually offensive. The woman also has no problem with transitioning smoothly from question to question, because she decides to ask whatever she wants to and doesn’t care how disjointed her interviewing process is. Hey, at least she’s asking stuff people want to hear and not stuff people already know.

I think someone should find this lady a place to continue her segments of boozing and schmoozing. Jimmy Kimmel, you’d seem like the perfect late night show host to have her on. Jay Leno wouldn’t be able to because she’s funnier than him. Yeah, I made a half-hearted Leno joke, but I still put more effort into it than Leno did in the past three years. BOOM.

Poor Pucky the Whale was just minding his business as a Connecticut Whale hockey game when all of a sudden some drunken hooligan decided to take him down for some reason or another. What a Moby-Dick! Alright, stop booing me. That hurts.

The whole story is definitely worth reading due to the complete hilarity of it.

An intoxicated Connecticut Whale fan has been banned from the XL Center after he allegedly tackled and punched “Pucky the Whale” in the stands during a game Saturday night, police said.

Kevin O’Connell, a 28-year-old from East Hartford, told police he attacked “Pucky,” the mascot for the local hockey team, over a bet. He was arrested and charged with one count of second-degree breach of peace.
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Pucky was greeting young fans in the stands near section 105 Saturday night when O’Connell tackled and punched the whale, police said.-Hartford Courant.

It’s always hilarious imagining a mascot getting punched in the face, especially by someone drunk, but I feel pretty bad for the person who was in the mascot costume. It sucks for them since they have limited visibility and can’t see anything as they get tackled. The only thing that could be funnier than a guy beating up a mascot is a mascot beating up a guy, which really needs to happen more often. They should have a chance to defend themselves. Has anyone started a mascot rights group? WE NEED PROGRESS!

Photo via.

So you’re drunk, you have a parachute strapped to your back, and you happen to be standing on the middle of a bridge as a friend of yours captures the moment for posterity. Do you jump off the bridge? Let’s say–at that moment–the police show up. Do you jump then? What did this guy do? Take a guess and check it out after the jump.

On Friday evening, Detroit Lions President Tom Lewand was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving, after police pulled him over for driving “erratically.” Upon questioning Lewand, the officer claimed to have smelled some booze, leading to the standard field sobriety test. Lewand initially refused to take a breath test, but later huffed out a .21 and then a .20, as revealed today by the Detroit Free Press. The legal limit for Michigan is .08, so Lewand’s results are a tad frowned upon.

Lewand, who claimed to be a designated driver that evening, had been sober for close to a year and a half before this little episode, and has since announced his regret for putting everyone on the road that night in danger. NFL representatives have yet to announce if Lewand will face a punishment, but feel free to weigh your thoughts on a person driving with a BAC of nearly three times the legal limit against his statement apology:

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