Important News: Eagles Number One Woo

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.11.12

As the title mentions, KHQ sports anchor Sam Adams — no stranger to drunk people, I guess — got kissed on live television. But the most important thing you should take away from this video is that the Eagles are number one, and woo. EAGLES NUMBER ONE WOO (via Hot Clicks)

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Links

EAGLES NUMBER ONE WOOLet’s Take A Quick Look Around Anna Kendrick’s New And Geeky Instagram Account, Shall We? |UPROXX|

Louis C.K. Considers His Greatest Achievement To Be Having Sex With A Girl From Oklahoma |Warming Glow|

‘Most Outrageous Baby Names Of 2012′ List Takes On ‘Hunger Games’ Fans |Film Drunk|

My Psychic Told Me Caroline Wozniacki Have A Ass Like Serena |With Leather|

New ‘South Park: The Stick Of Truth’ Trailer Has Not Decreased Our Excitement At All |Gamma Squad|

25 Great Back-And-Forth Raps |Smoking Section|

Larry The Cable Guy Ruined A Man’s Sunday Night In Lambeau |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Who’s More FAIL: Brandon Weeden’s Patriotic Debut Or The Bears Tailgate Stripper?

Written by Ashley Burns / 09.10.12

As I perused the sports news this morning, I noticed a few things. For starters, a bunch of running backs had awesome games, which sucks for a guy like me who wants to sell high on Kevin Smith and Alfred Morris. Second, Jon Hamm is still my favorite St. Louis Cardinals fan and he’s packing heat. Third, Rihanna apparently performed at the closing ceremony of the 2012 Paralympics in London and she got a massive tattoo under her boobies. Needless to say, a lot of stuff happened.

But my two favorite moments of NFL Sunday came as a result of someone else’s misfortune, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from my friends with kids, it’s that I love watching people fall down or be humiliated. In the case of Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden, well, he probably wishes that he stayed in bed yesterday.

As you can see in the above GIF (via) and the video below, the rookie QB got off to a rough start during the pregame ceremony as Weeden was almost trampled by soldiers carrying the giant American flag across the field.

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Stay Classy, Celtics Fans

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.08.12

The Miami Heat came hard. LeBron James told everyone who called him “un-clutch” or “non-clutch” or “that dude who doesn’t win sh*t” to kiss his ass. The Eastern Conference Finals are now tied at 3 after the Boston Celtics laid down like speed bumps, and everyone who thought it was a done deal for the Celtics is now back-tracking in the worst way, including the most loyal Celtics fans.

The fans at the Jungle spent money. They expected a win. When it didn’t happen, they became… well, sports fans.

As James left the court with his 45 points and 15 rebounds, some Celtics fans let him know exactly how they felt. By that, I mean they dumped a beer on him.

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This Is Why You Don’t Wear Red Sox Gear Or Walk Into Face Kicks At Yankee Stadium

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.30.12

I’d like to preface this story by saying I’m a diehard Cleveland Indians fan. I’ve been to Yankee Stadium to watch the Tribe play, and when I went I wore my C hat and my jersey with a big red “INDIANS” across the front. When the Tribe scored, I cheered. When the Yankees scored, I booed. At no point was beer thrown on me, and at no point was I kicked in the face and knocked over multiple rows of steps.

Here’s my theory: I am not a dumb asshole. Also, I like a team that never wins.

Per the fine cats at Deadspin:

Things heat up around the 1:15 mark when alleged Red Sox fan punches someone and a regular slobber knocker ensues. Alleged Red Sox fan clearly got the worst of it as she took a boot to the face and tumbled back over the seats. Tipster Dave informs us that Alleged Red Sox fan was taking abuse most of the day and eventually had enough. This is the result.

Please enjoy that result, which lands somewhere between “tandem skydiving” and “being elbow-deep in Kate Upton” on the list of great (and somehow horrible) moments of which I’ll never be a part:

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It’s A Tailgate, Turn The Lights Out, He Burnin’ Everything You Bears Fans Talkin’ Bout

Written by Brandon Stroud / 11.10.11

“Man, why does every sports fan gotta rap some?” I don’t know, all I know is he’s the best one.

Met this guy while filming at Monday Night Football – Eagles vs Bears. Learned to rap back in the 80′s from inmates at a correctional facility where he was a guard for 25 years until retiring 6 years ago. Says he’d rap on the yard and instead of attacking him the inmates would laugh at him and drop him some beats!

eagles-fan-rappingI can’t decide which part of this video is my favorite. The Brent Celek jersey? The f**king Beer Belt? I think it’s #18 back there responding to “like they say liquor first never fear” with a little squeaky “oh” like he’s Mac from ‘It’s Always Sunny’. To this guy’s credit he does a pretty good job freestyling what really goes on in his hood (getting drunk, watching the Eagles, getting drunk), but to his discredit he does it for almost two minutes and by the end of it you’re kinda tired of him rhyming sh*t with ‘quicka’ and even the cameraman is zooming around trying to find something else to do.

He’ll give you all of him until there’s nothing left. He swears this summer will be training camp. Bitch.

[via Guyism]

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Fear the Spear

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.03.11

boom, bitch

Getting drunk and running out onto a baseball field is a stupid idea, but it’s especially stupid at Fenway Park, where security is trained to seek and destroy. These guys are like the cougars from Red Dead Redemption, speeding in from out of nowhere to take you out with one pounce.

The following video is a perfect example, captured by a guy who (I guess) paid to get into a baseball game so he could aimlessly film his own legs. He looks up in time to see a guy running onto the field with his arms in the air, and stays on it long enough to see said guy being crushed to his f**king doom by a security professional who may or may not be goddamned Goldberg. Listen closely for running commentary, which includes the sort of insight you’d expect from people who think a field run is funny, like “woooo” and “UHHHHHH” (sp).

C-c-c-combo breaker.

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