Shin-Soo Choo of the Cleveland Indians became the sixth Major League Baseball player to be arrested for drunk driving in 2011 on Monday, and thankfully I can report that he didn’t resist arrest and stab or be stabbed by his wife. The Korean born Indian managed to fulfill two cultural stereotypes by driving badly and being drunk at the same time.

The ball club is taking the “this is America” approach to the news.

“I talked to him. He’s human, just like every one of us,” Indians manager Manny Acta said. “He made a mistake. We all make mistakes. The main thing is he’s learning from it. He’s very remorseful. He’s a guy I’m not going to look at any differently because of that. He’s a great kid, very high character and we’re moving on.”

Choo was actually pulled over twice — the first time he was sent on his way after explaining he was lost and needed directions. He was pulled over a second time when he twice crossed the double-yellow lines and drifted into a bike path, so thank goodness nobody in Cleveland rides a bike. He was unable to complete a field sobriety test, causing passersby to assume he was hopped up on goofballs. A breathalyzer showed he had a blood-alcohol level of .201, which is more than double Ohio’s legal limit of .08, but slightly lower than the average Ohio driver.

Meanwhile, Milton Bradley got thrown out at first and ended up fined and suspended. So, I mean.

Detroit Tigers first baseman Miguel Cabrera was arrested one week ago for suspicion of drunk driving and resisting arrest in St. Lucie County, also known as Florida’s Alabama. Miggy notably drank from a bottle of scotch whiskey in front of the arresting officers and told them that they didn’t understand his pain, as they used knee spikes to get him into the police vehicle. Cabrera’s arraignment date was set yesterday, and the perennial MVP candidate is due in St. Lucie court on March 16, according to the Washington Post, but his lawyer will probably just show up and handle the dirty work for the two misdemeanor charges.

Meanwhile, as the Tigers have started their Spring Training affairs, Cabrera has yet to report and there is no apparent timetable for his first appearance, making this a boring story for now. So I thought to myself, “Hey Burnsy, you can do 1,000 pushups, so what can we add to this story?” And the answer is a Miguel Cabrera advice meme after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Jets wide receiver and avid taunter, Braylon Edwards, was arrested for a DWI early this morning. Edwards blew a .16, twice the legal limit, when breathalyzed, but authorities were more concerned with the toxicity of his beard. It was quickly rushed to the emergency room after blowing a .36.

Edwards, 27, was stopped while driving erratically in a Range Rover with heavily tinted windows at 34th St. and 12th Ave. at 5:13 a.m., according to cops.

Edwards, who was riding with two men and a woman in his vehicle, blew .16 on a Breathalyzer test of blood-alcohol content, police sources said. The legal limit is .08.

Edwards, according to one source, told the officers that “he was fine and had two drinks or so.” –NY Daily News

Two drinks? Unless they were triple distilled moonshine, you’re what we professional boozers like to refer to as a ‘lightweight.’ What’s the matter, Braylon, too full to finish your appletini? That’s fine, now let me proceed to shotgun this Natty Light right in your face. It tastes like testosterone. Edwards could face up to a $50,000 fine by the NFL if convicted, which may keep him from taking that weekend to Vegas in a private jet. That’s a shame, considering the prepubescent factory workers in Taiwan making his shoes slept in til 5:30 today.

Kansas City Wizards coach Peter Vermes, pictured adorably in his mug shot, was arrested back in August on charges of driving while intoxicated, and most of us never heard about it because 1) He’s a soccer coach, B) It’s the MLS, and III) It’s Kansas City. But that didn’t stop fans of the Philadelphia Union from doing their homework and bringing some serious A game to their Saturday match against the Wizards. You could even say they brought their serious AA game. *bowtie spins, falls asleep at red light*

When the Wizards took the field at PPL Park, Union fans serenaded Vermes with their own special rendition of “99 Bottles of Beer.” And they didn’t stop after one verse, nor did they stop after 2, 5 or 10. They sang every verse of the song, with a few breaks here and there to celebrate the action or to acknowledge other events, but nevertheless this is one of the most dedicated attempts at heckling that we’ve ever seen in a sporting event. It’s nice to see that we’ve moved beyond throwing up on people and flinging batteries around. *sniffs* Our angry sports town is all growns up.

Video after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

As you may have heard, University of Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans was arrested and charged with DUI last Wednesday. A DUI is a pretty douche move in and of itself, but Damon will go down in the douche hall of fame for what he said while being pulled over.

“I am not trying to bribe you but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia,” Evans said. –USAToday

He wasn’t hoping to bribe them. Jones was hoping that he wouldn’t need to because he’s the athletic director of Georgia. As such, he’s immune from all of the “laws” and “rules of civilization” that we common people have to follow. He would never stoop as low as someone like Charles Barkley he has far too much respect for his wife. Read the rest of this entry »