AJ McCarron and Waka Flocka Flame remind you that Alabama is No. 1.

If you judge a man solely by his Twitter account, then Alabama QB AJ McCarron comes across as a pretty big douchebag. That’s not to say that I think he is a big ol’ bag of oil and vinegar to the billionth degree, but if I were a non-sports fan with no clue who he was and I came across his Twitter profile, I’d probably be like, “Gee, this guy is a total uber-douche, white sunglasses and all.” Of course, the same can be said for plenty of people, myself included.

Now, do I blame McCarron for rocking the whole “SWAGGY BRO” vibe now that he’s a national champion college guy whose girlfriend rocketed to fame after she was made out to be the second coming of Helen of Troy on national TV? Hell no. He’s behaving exactly how I’d expect any 22-year old guy to behave. In fact, I’m a little shocked that he doesn’t have his own replica WWE Championship belt to wear everywhere. It’s a white belt, naturally.

However, I do have to issue one little, “Dude, come on, bro” for McCarron after he hung out with rapping Muppet Waka Flocka Flame over the weekend.

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Hey, someone tipped over my medical marijuana distribution center!

Oklahoma! The answer is Oklahoma. Sorry, Florida and Ohio, but you don’t win this round. Rod Roddy, tell us how Oklahoma managed to take home today’s top scumbag news honors.

Under cover drug agents defuse a mini meth lab found inside a porta-potty in the middle of a golf course Tuesday in Purcell.

Staffers noticed strange sports drink bottles with chemicals inside the porta-potty and called police.

Officers arrived and soon realized someone had been inside making meth using the “shake and bake” method. (Via KFOR TV, H/T to Bunkie Perkins)

Two men are currently wanted for questioning…

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The International Cycling Union has decided that based on the findings of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s extensive report on Lance Armstrong, the 7-time Tour de France winner has been officially stripped of all of his titles. Upon making and announcing the decision, ICU President Pat McQuaid poured a glass of elk’s blood, struck a match on a child’s forehead and lit his cigar before cackling with the echoes reaching the bottom of the world’s deepest trench.

“Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling,” McQuaid said at a news conference. “This is a landmark day for cycling.”

“I was sickened by what I read in the USADA report,” McQuaid said, singling out the testimony of David Zabriskie. “The story he told of how he was coerced and to some extent forced into doping is just mind boggling.” (Via Fox Sports)

Is landmark really the right word here? I know this is monumental and unprecedented, as who can remember the last time that a sport figuratively eviscerated its greatest champion and every shred of credibility that cycling and especially the Americans had left? I just feel like “landmark” doesn’t reflect how awful this mess is. Maybe McQuaid could have made up a really terrible world like “monuterrorawfulAIDSbiebermental”. That’s a good word.

Surprisingly, Armstrong has already commented, telling a group of cyclists at a Livestrong event that he’s “been better” and “been worse”, as whatever’s left of his credibility is stomped into the mud by people who have behaved just as despicably as he reportedly has. (Except, you know, without all of the charity work and inspiration for cancer patients.) But I spent some time this morning trying to sort through the media and fan responses – both good and bad – and it seems that the hot fad right now is basting Armstrong with hate and baking him in the oven at 450-degrees for the rest of the eternity.

After the jump, check out some of the more colorful fan responses to Armstrong’s misdeeds. Seriously, people are pissed.

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Last week we paid a little tribute to some of the biggest morons and disappointments in sports history – via our love for Kenny Powers and Eastbound and Down – and it would have been a huge oversight to exclude former No. 2 NFL draft pick Ryan Leaf, whose career can best be compared to a colossal dust fart. Throw in the fact that he was arrested in 2009 for illegally obtaining prescription painkillers and that pretty much brought his bust of a post-NCAA life full circle.

And despite proclaiming that the aforementioned arrest actually “saved his life” and helped him turn it all around, Leaf is back in the news for drugs again. This time, he’s being accused of breaking into his neighbor’s houses and stealing pain medication for the past year and a half. If that’s true, his criminal career is already leaps and bounds better than his NFL career.

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File this under “Something to Think About the Next Time I Complain About Homeless People Hanging Out by the Local Little League Park.” On Tuesday, the Saraperos baseball club of Saltillo, Mexico hosted an exhibition game with a local kids team, you know, for fun y giggles. But wouldn’t you know it, some of those pesky Mexican drug cartel nogoodniks were hanging out near the park, when they decided to start a gun fight with state police.

Ay caramba!

Sergio Sisbeles, the security spokesman for Coahuila, the northern border state where Saltillo is located, said the gunbattle broke out after gunmen opened fire on a state police patrol on a street near the stadium.

Police chased the gunmen, killing three and wounding another. They seized three rifles and a vehicle.

Drug cartels are active in the region, but police did not say whether the suspects belonged to a gang. (Via NBC Sports)

Much like your local weather service reminds you that you’re in for showers and to bring an umbrella, the U.S. Consulate is reminding people traveling and living in and around Saltillo to bring a Kevlar vest or two, because these gun battles are ongoing and not stopping anytime soon. And here I was thinking that my nephew wasn’t challenged enough on his little league team.

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Almost a year ago to the day, we wrote about how old/gunslinging quarterback Brett Favre’s sister Brandi had been one of five people arrested in a Mississippi meth lab. You’d think “arrested in a Mississippi meth lab” would be the end of a person’s crime story, but Brandi, who looks a lot like the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth if you photoshop in some hands behind her eyes, is facing a new lawsuit alleging she destroyed her neighbor’s house with toxic drug fumes.

From TMZ’s hilariously Brave And The Bold sounding “She DESTROYED our home … with meth!”:

According to the lawsuit, the couple claims a meth screening company detected “widespread meth contamination” in their home after Brandi’s January 2011 arrest — and recommended the entire place be cleaned.

As a result, the couple claims they had to find a new home for 5 months while their house was restored to a livable condition — not only inconvenient … but massively expensive.

I’m hoping “widespread meth contamination” means she tried to dissolve someone’s dead body in an upstairs tub but used it wrong chemicals so it seeped through the floor. So far there’s been no comment from Brandi, but I imagine that when we get one it’ll involve a lot of screaming and running around in her underwear.

Now I’m going to spend an hour going through TMZ’s Brett Favre tags to see if they announced one of his retirements with the headline “Quarterback … NO MORE!”