Remember when Donald Trump decided that being born in Hawaii didn’t make you a U.S. citizen and spent months trying to get Barack Obama to show everybody his birth certificate? Remember how stupid that made everybody feel about everything? Obama finally shows everybody a birth certificate, but it isn’t authentic enough. So it gets authenticated, but it isn’t printed on nice enough paper, and then the paper is nice enough but it was bought at an Office Max outside of Washington D.C. and that is unpatriotic, and it just keeps going and going because nobody really cares where Obama was born, they just don’t like him and have to have a sh*t-talking point.

Yeah, that’s exactly what basketball needed.

“He wasn’t born and raised in L.A,” [Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon] Jennings told ESPN the Magazine’s Chris Palmer regarding [Kobe] Bryant, who attended Lower Merion near Philadelphia. “You gotta be from L.A. for Drew. Show me a birth certificate.”

Brandon Jennings hates Kobe Bryant. Nobody is really sure why, or if he’s just kidding or what. If Kobe Bryant agrees to play in the Drew League-Goodman League rematch, thousands of people from L.A. will show up to see him, and everyone from Commissioner Oris “Dino” Smiley all the way down to the Chinese kid who is secretly Kobe’s nephew will love it. Everyone except Jennings, of course, who is the type of guy to post passive-aggressive pictures of himself wearing novelty t-shirts (like the one pictured right) on the Internet. And yeah, Kobe is from Philadelphia, but he’s been synonymous with Los Angeles since 1996. He’s 33 years old and has spent the last 16 in L.A. How long do you have to live somewhere and how much do you have to contribute before you’re “from” there?

And while you’re contemplating whether or not letting a resident of nearly two decades in compromises the integrity of a glorified rec league, consider what Jennings used to say when someone brought up Kobe.

“The [Lakers] got the best player in the game right now, Kobe Bryant, hands down,” Jennings said. “The guys has five rings and won two of them without Shaq. The man is the best player in the league.”

I think the most important question is this: how can we use this to call the Miami Heat the Tea Party?

[h/t Los Angeles Times]

Sports

The Drew League Vs. Goodman League Game: Only The Highlights - I feel like sub-NBA basketball leagues (or “directly-to-the-right-of the NBA leagues”, I don’t really know how they’re organized) might be the most fun thing ever. It’s just guys dunking and people going OHHHHHHHH. It’s like how video games want basketball to be. [The Smoking Section]

Knockout Of The Week: Flying Switch Kick - The only way this could be better is if Marcus Lelo Aurelios had set his leg on fire before doing it. I want to start knocking out strangers like this. Just yell FLYING SWITCH KICK BOOM and lay them out. [Cage Potato]

Vegetarian Pig Slop And Heat Wave Rasslin - In case you missed it yesterday, here’s my recap of Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s Sunday show featuring the Portia Perez reference you didn’t get in the Best and Worst of Raw. If you like Best and Worst, read this, because it is almost exclusively “best”. [The Wrestling Blog]

This Is The Trailer For The Postmortal - Drew Magary is doing it right. I published a novel a few years ago and it was a weird little aside to growing up in religious central Virginia. Drew writes something and it’s a “frightening population-bomb dystopia”. Holy sh**, how do I get somebody to call my writing that? [KSK]

With Leather

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 8/22 - Quick version: John Cena might actually be gay, Kelly Kelly is wandering around out here for no reason and WWE is exactly like Dragonball Z. Okay, that version is actually way more confusing than the long one. Anyway, go read this and comment, would you? [With Spandex]

Gallery: The Homeless World Cup - I’m with Burnsy, the Homeless World Cup doesn’t look very homeless. I want to be homeless in Paris, that sounds awesome. Look at me, I’m a romanticized young white adult! [With Leather]

The Dugout: SFinal Destination - Yesterday we finished up Bill Hanstock’s special guest writer Dugout series about the San Francisco Giants and their penchant for going on the DL, so give the strip a re-read in its entirety. Yes, Jorge Posada’s screen name is pretty awesome. [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Gallery: Wet Cheerleaders - I’m just going to stop putting “Joe Namath” in the title so you’ll go look at it. There are wet volleyball cheerleader butts in this, in case you haven’t looked. [With Leather]

Not Sports

This Is A Triumph: Live-Action Portal Short Film - I’m making a note here: huge success. It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction. Although if this was a REAL Portal movie, Chell would be played by an orange, blonde 40-year old and GLaDOS would be a manipulative dude in a suit. [Gamma Squad]

Will And Jada Are Getting Divorced - When reached for comment, Will Smith asked “why she ain’t want me, man”. [Film Drunk]

Bret Michaels And Donald Trump May Team Up For Reality Show - It’s like going to your comic book store and finding out there’s a new Marvel Team-Up, but it’s like Cloak and Dagger and one of the New Warriors. And not even Nova, I’m talking Night Thrasher. [Warming Glow]

OK Go Cover “The Muppet Show” Theme - OK Go is a cool website that adds forgettable music to wacky viral videos. Wait, that’s not what this is? [UPROXX]