I’ve had a joke going with several friends over the past few weeks that Calvin Johnson has helped put the Madden Curse to rest, while we’re starting to see the emergence of an all new and much more powerful NFL demon – the Thursday Night Football QB Curse. Take this last TNF game, for instance. Atlanta Falcons QB Matt Ryan was just not-sh*tty enough with 165 yards and a TD to defeat the New Orleans Saints, who were led by Drew Brees’ 341 yards (good) and 5 INT (horrendous). Needless to say, by Friday morning, I already had several readers asking for this post.

Excluding the Thanksgiving Thursday games, which featured strong performances from Matt Schaub, Tom Brady, Matt Stafford, Tony Romo and Robert Griffin III – hell, even Mark Sanchez wasn’t terrible – you had a double-decker turdburger from Ryan Tannehill and Ryan Fitzpatrick in Week 11, a Blaine Gabbert-esque performance from Blaine Gabbert and Andrew Luck (he did rush for 2 TD in his defense) in Week 10, and Matt Cassel and Philip Rivers derping it up in Week 9. In fact, aside from Josh Freeman in Week 8, Ben Roethlisberger in Week 6 and Joe Flacco in Week 4, Thursday night games have been mediocre-to-awful at best for fantasy QBs.

I bring this up for two reasons – 1) Because Brees’ career low performance in Atlanta is almost definitely the fantasy performance that killed the most people’s chances this week; and 2) Because as someone who has Peyton Manning leading his team into the first round of the playoffs this week, I am terrified. But let’s go ahead and check out who we love and who we especially loathe this week, and share your own awful stories in the comments.

Read the rest of this entry »

Pepsi had been teasing its newest superstar commercial with the boy group One Direction and New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees for a few weeks, so it wasn’t like we didn’t know this was coming. Once the full commercial actually hit, most people were still a little surprised to see the man so powerful that even Oprah couldn’t wipe a birthmark from his face hamming it up with Simon Cowell’s latest gaggle of cash machines.

But Brees is a family guy, so this is hardly a surprise, and judging by the reaction of One Direction fans on Twitter (don’t go look for yourself, just trust me) this is actually a potentially huge bonus for the Saints and the NFL, as millions of teenage girls may suddenly become fans because Breesus let Harry or Niall or whoever share a can of Pepsi. If that’s the case, it’s only a matter of time before One Direction is announced as the Super Bowl halftime show.

As if it wasn’t hard enough for me to get “What Makes You Beautiful” out of my head. Damn catchy paint-by-numbers pop music. Anyway, about that commercial…

Read the rest of this entry »

One of the Internet’s greatest time-wasters, aside from YouTube black holes and Reddit threads, is the Sports Illustrated photo vault. Forget, for a brief second, that you can browse almost every Swimsuit Issue photo ever taken, because while that’s certainly something that I can appreciate, it takes away from the awesomeness of the other images, like Drew Brees presumably telling Peter King that his face isn’t made of chocolate or Barry Sanders hanging out with Josef the lion.

The other day, SI.com released a new gallery of famous athletes and sports personalities in their little league baseball days, and it might be my favorite thing yet. Between Eric Chavez and his baseball jeans and Doug Flutie’s awesome participation trophy, this gallery is spectacular. But my absolute favorite is that image of New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick above, because it is the most Little Rascals thing I’ve seen since The Little Rascals.

As a recommendation, I think the SI Vault should also include a collection of sports bloggers’ tee ball and little league photos. They can start with mine after the jump…

Read the rest of this entry »

Brees with a bunch of guys the Saints also didn't want to pay.

As a person who can tell you with little hesitation how to properly operate a Coinstar machine, I have very little sympathy for athletes when they don’t get the deals they want. But in the case of Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints, I’m siding with their franchise QB and telling Tom Benson with a very stern finger-pointing: “Get a damn deal done already.”

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, the Saints have had one hell of a terrible offseason with the whole thing-I-refuse-to-call-Bountygate scandal. Now they’re being investigated for violating the no-contact policy at OTAs, and that can all take a backseat for a few minutes if Saints fans just get the news that their beloved Brees is coming back for a few more seasons.

So what’s the f*cking hold up, fellas?

According to sources, before this week, the Saints’ last offer had been close to $19 million per year over five years, and Brees was asking for about $20.5 million per year.

ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported this week that Brees was asking for $20.3 million per year. It’s not clear if that was a new offer or just a different figure on the old offer.

The prediction today is the same as it has been for months. The sides ultimately will agree on a deal that will make Brees the highest-paid player in NFL history, surpassing the $19.2 million per year the Denver Broncos gave quarterback Peyton Manning earlier this offseason. (Via NOLA.com)

Okay, I’m gonna play Devil’s avocado here for a second – 5 years? The highest paid player in NFL history? Look, I love Brees. Always have. It still kills me that the Miami Dolphins chose Daunte Culpepper over him. But I will happily point out that he’s been the benefactor of a stable of awesome receivers these past few years. Yes, he means so much to the city, but the HIGHEST PAID PLAYER IN HISTORY??? He’s 33-years old!

But if the Saints don’t pay up, I have a feeling Brees will be just fine with his new sandwich shop. There’s always money in a sandwich shop.

Read the rest of this entry »

When the NFL first announced that it was going to host an Oscars-like awards ceremony for the league’s season awards, my first thought was, “Great news for people who like the ESPYs but have ADHD.” But Alec Baldwin was hosting and I like football, so I figured I’d at least be able to watch it for the sake of making fun of it. Yet as I watched it Sunday morning on my DVR, I couldn’t help but admit to my dog that it wasn’t terrible.

The NFL Honors were far from perfect, though, and if they’re going to make this event a tradition, league officials are going to need to make a few tweaks to the overall process. For starters, as much as I love Baldwin, he didn’t exactly hit home runs with his jokes. I mean, I laughed, but they showed more blank faces in the audience, and I really don’t know if Clay Matthews appreciated being called Madonna.

As for the actual award process, I know that they need to make it seem like each category was so close and it was so difficult and arduous to determine which players were going to win, but we’re not stupid. Offensive Rookie of the Year couldn’t have been more obvious, so clearly we didn’t need two minutes of intro footage that included Mark Ingram and Julio Jones. If anything, it felt like some guys were being teased.

Most of the awards were dead on – I only really disagreed with one – so we can debate them and some of the evening’s finer moments after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Denver Broncos quarterback and evangelical beefcake Tim Tebow was a guest on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, as Fallon aired his show from Indianapolis this week with a Super Bowl XLVI theme. It was inevitable that Fallon would ask him what he thought of his recent “Tebowie” character, which, of course, was a hilarious combination of David Bowie and Tim Tebow that Fallon used to sing a new version of Bowie’s “Space Oddity.” Last night, Tebow played along for humor’s sake and got a nice dig in on Fallon by questioning his pitch on the song. At least I think that’s what he said, because the crowd wouldn’t shut up.

Seriously, it sounded like Tebow was performing on Def Comedy Jam, but even more remarkable was the zeal with which Fallon asked his questions. I’m surprised he didn’t conduct the interview while sitting on his lap and brushing his hair. But the ridiculous love for Tebow aside, I couldn’t help but giggle with delight when Fallon asked Tebow to sign a Broncos jersey and then fire it into the crowd with a t-shirt gun. Somebody had to have stopped and said, “Hey, this might cause a riot.” And then everyone laughed.

And after the Tebow video I’ve included the best of Fallon’s “Late Night at the Super Bowl” because I don’t stay up that late and watch most of his stuff online when I wake up in the morning and take my Ovaltine. And please do yourself a favor and watch the Real Housewives of Late Night in Indianapolis. Dallas Clark in drag. It’s Emmy material.

Read the rest of this entry »