Yes, my parents were awesome. (Also, confirmation that my hairline has always been right there.)

Links

A Golden Treasury Of Awkward/Weird/Awesome Family Holiday Photos - This would be even funnier if it didn’t remind me of a box of photos in my parents’ basement. I don’t think it’s possible to take a family photo without some level of weird/awesome. [UPROXX]

The 10 Funniest TV Episodes of 2011 - One day like 8 years from now I’m going to turn to someone and say, “hey, you know what’s an awesome show? Happy Endings.” And they’re gonna go I WAS JUST THINKING THAT. Unfortunately that means 7 more years of me thinking Happy Endings blows. [Warming Glow]

American Psycho Updated for 2011 - Incredible and appropriate. They should use this post to write the new script. [Film Drunk]

No, Robin Is Not In The Dark Knight Rises, But Here’s A Better Easter Egg - People thinking Hines Ward’s last name is a reference to Robin is lame, but that pearl necklace thing is pretty outstanding. Can’t wait to see this, no matter how critical I am/have been. [Gamma Squad]

“Mmmphgh Abiryrt Mphdgjkdhd” said Bane. “Fark” said Warners - “Get a grip” says Brandon and anyone who doesn’t need to have their hand held while watching movies. [FARK]

“X-Men With Googly Eyes” Greatly Improves Bad Covers - This is maybe the best idea a person has ever had, and I’m sad I didn’t start doing it 20 years ago. I want to be the googly eyes magnate :( [Gamma Squad]

25 Wikipedia Personal Appeal Juxtapositions That Bring The Lulz - 25 Wikipedia Personal Appeal Juxtapositions put lulz in a basket and made sure to bring it to this thing we’re at. It has been brought! [UPROXX]

Common Confirms Drake Diss, Pusha T Adds Fuel To The Fire - Drake just got dissed. Negaduck. [Smoking Section]

The Best Fails Of 2011 - Is “best fails” one of those Wikipedia juxtapositions? [Buzzfeed]

Best Movie Dogs of 2011: From Uggie to Skeletor, the Top 11 Canine Co-Stars of ’11 - Karate Dog better be on here somewhere. Don’t lie to me, that movie was made in 2011. [Moviefone]

The 10 Best SNL Sketches of 2011 - #1 Gilly goes to the supermarket, #2 Gilly spends eight minutes talking about the time she went to the supermarket, #3 Ladies and gentlemen, Jessie J. [Pajiba]

Seven Movie Trailers for 2012 That Look Promising - Real talk: I don’t like Lord of the Rings but the The Hobbit trailer got me amped as f**k. [Unreality]

Links

College Football’s Top 50 Plays Of 2011 - I did a version of this list, but when I was done I noticed it contained 35 Tim Tebow plays. Yes, part of me still thinks of Tim Tebow as a college football player, sort of how I still think all my ex-girlfriends are nice people. [High Definite]

“The Ride” – Review Of Drake’s Take Care - What a terrible record. Indianapolis Colts. [Smoking Section]

Joe Clark Is Pissed: “Lean On Me” Actor Busted With 200 Pounds Of Weed - BUY THE WEED, SON. COME ON, DO IT. DO IT EXPEDITIOUSLY. [Smoking Section]

It Was Bound to Happen: ‘Fear Factor’ Incest - This is easily the hottest Fear Factor has ever been. It should just be porn fears now, like to win money you have to get Brazzer’d in the chest for 5 minutes. [Warming Glow]

Bisexual Amber Heard urges other Hollywood stars to come out of the closet. With a helpful picture of how this might be achieved - Amber Heard and Chaz Bono walk the same road, except Amber’s is covered with rose petals and lined with people going OH GOD AMBER HEARD YOU ARE SO PRETTY AND GREAT even if what she does is exclusively terrible. You have an awesome life, Amber Heard. [FARK]

The Internet’s 10 Best Ron Swanson Tributes Of 2011 - Give me all the Ron Swanson tributes you have. [UPROXX]

Foo Fighters Concert Causes Minor Earthquake Tremors In New Zealand - Why’d you have to go and let them die? [UPROXX]

Official Amazing Spider-Man Site Is Go - Where are you when we need you most, Wizard Magazine? Spider-Man’s urine eyes are worrying me. [Gamma Squad]

The Golden Globe Nominations are… kind of great? - Hugo for Best Picture. It’s like that other movie about silent film, but not up its own asshole. [Film Drunk]

The 30 Most Important Cats Of 2011 - I refuse to believe my cat isn’t on here somewhere. [Buzzfeed]

10 Adorable Videos of Animals Using iPads - Again, my cat should be on here somewhere, although I guess lying on an iPad isn’t “using” it. [The FW]

Response Piece: Ten Subtle Ways to Tell Him that His Penis is Too Small - TT_TT [Pajiba]

Picture included solely for the purpose of showing Chrissy Teigen's legs.

I’m a little late to the party on this one, but since I’ve been mostly ignoring NBA news lately, I skipped over an interview that Rolling Stone published with R&B artist or rapper Drake last week. The 25-year old Canadian sold more than 700,000 copies of his new album “Take Care” in its first week, which is awesome, obviously. However, his popularity has apparently raised questions about his legitimacy in the rap game (remember when rap feuds were scary?), so he felt like he needed to answer his critics by comparing himself to a NBA star.

Sure, I would have expected him to compare himself to his BFF LeBron James, since they’re both wildly successful and hated as such, but Drake instead went a different route.

“I would liken myself to [NBA star] Kevin Durant just based off the fact I think Kevin Durant is somebody who people want him so bad to fall or mess up, but he just consistently delivers,” Drake said. “Every night and all these games he’s playing now, even with the lockout, he just consistently delivers the same highlights, the same amount of points.”

When Durant was drafted No. 2 overall by the Seattle Supersonics (RIP) in the 2007 NBA Draft, a few critics, analysts and experts – and we’re talking few enough to count on one hand – criticized Durant’s lack of upper body strength because he couldn’t bench press much weight. He then went on to win the NBA Rookie of the Year, and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say a bad word about the guy since his draft day.

But Drake thinks that everyone wants Durant to fail for some reason, and we should believe him because he’s an expert. After all, he is friends with LeBron and has been included in the latest NBA 2K video games, even delivering us the one commercial that proves that he knows what he is talking about.

Read the rest of this entry »

Crap, this isn’t what they’re talking about, is it.

Links

It’s Official: Netflix Is Bringing Back ‘Arrested Development’ For Another Season - Now if they can do this with ‘Community’ and ‘Firefly’, and somehow convince the cast of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ to go back in time to when they were younger and be good again. [UPROXX]

Happy Birthday To Us: A Gallery of Birthday Animals - I hate being a new editor, I don’t know when any of our holidays are. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to work on Thanksgiving. I’m vegan, so I’m stuck working, right? [Gamma Squad]

Just What ‘The Matrix’ Needed: Mambo No. 5 - Don’t know why this exists, but I love it. The trompets. The TROMpets. [Film Drunk]

ESPN’s Lee Corso Says The F-Word, The World Laughs - New professional goal: get on ESPN once, use the phrase “you f**kers”. [Smoking Section]

This Explains So Much - The next time it’s 11:15 on a Saturday night and an SNL writer doesn’t have an idea, fire him and replace him with someone who is funny and can produce without ruining everything. [Warming Glow]

6 Photos Of Cats Who Look Like Drake - I love this, if only for the possibility of the hashtag “I hurt myself: Meow”. [Buzzfeed]

9 Towns with Tasty Thanksgiving Names - Like when you’re a kid and think the country of “Turkey” is funny, but longer. [The FW]

Lil Wayne Returns to Hometown to Hand Out Thanksgiving Turkeys - They should really keep filming him doing stuff like this and try to witness a Christmas Miracle. [Popcrush]

30 Inexplicably Damning Reviews For Awesome Movies - Movie reviews are the worst. I like to review a movie by watching it with someone, then turning to them and saying “so what’d you think”, then talking about what we thought. [FARK]

Kermit on Jason Segel’s Nude Scene: He Had ‘Shortcomings’ - Not really interested in Kermit the Frog looking at dicks, guys. [Moviefone]

The 5 Best #SAVECOMMUNITY Campaign Posters Made To Avert The Darkest Timeline - You know what would’ve worked even better? More good season 3 episodes of ‘Community’. |Pajiba|

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Best DVD Commentary Ever - I love you, Arnold, and I don’t care what a weird creep you are in real life. [High Definite]

This is just one of them.

Links

15 Alison Brie-Inspired Halloween Costume Ideas - This could be Matt’s finest work to date. I’m covering the 9th Annual Corgi Celebration in Austin for him this weekend, though, so if Alison Brie makes an appearance there, we can do even better. [Warming Glow]

Plots From The Unaired Season 8 of ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ Make Hilarious Tweets - They should publish some of the plots I wrote for season 9, wherein Captain Picard and his new best friend Ensign Brandon have to defeat the Romulans, and then Ensign Brandon has to save the ship. [Gamma Squad]

Drake Covers November 2011 Issue Of The Source Magazine, Eats Gold Chain - Then he says “chain” in his normal voice, stops, then says “BALLIN” in a deeper voice, because “ball and chain” and “ballin” are both phrases. [Smoking Section]

Steve Buscemi Has Amassed Quite An Impressive Death Reel - Steve Buscemi has an impressive everything, except face. And one time he made out with hottest possible Thora Birch. [UPROXX]

Kirk Cameron Swears His Birthday Party Was Actually Super Fun And Everyone Came - but now how you’re thinking [Film Drunk]

Hot Chicks with Butthead Gums - All they had to do was use a normal picture of Miley Cyrus, her mouth usually looks like that already. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Guide to the Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse - “Kill maybe one zombie a day, spend the rest of your time having relationship issues with your friends and gritting your teeth.” [Adult Swim]

25 Things You May Not Know About ‘Donnie Darko’ - #26: What happened in the movie ‘Donnie Darko’. [Moviefone]

12 Absurd Boxer Shorts That Will Guarantee You Never Seal the Deal With a Woman - If you wear boxer shorts at all (and aren’t like, Rick Ross) you shouldn’t get laid. Boxer briefs are where it’s at, gentlemen. [The Smoking Jacket]

Jeopardy Legend Ken Jennings Is a 99 Percenter - I’m happy to be finally lumped in with this guy about something. [The Daily What]

61-Year-Old Man Steals $130,000 From Employer to Fund His Online Porn Subscriptions - Just like the time I got my ex-girlfriend to get me a trial subscription to Camwhorevids, but on a grander scale. (P.S. I miss you, Mitra) [Brobible]

The Evolution of Cosplay in One Image - What the guy at Unreality know is that the one on the right is supposed to look like that. Also, which one is on the right. [Unreality]