As Drake University’s 104th Drake Relays took place over the weekend, the most important part of the entire mess of whatever it is those people are doing didn’t take place until yesterday. That was when a 4-year old English Bulldog named Huckleberry was crowned this year’s Beautiful Bulldog, marking the end to the 34th year of this mascot competition. Why it took Drake 70 years to think of adding a bulldog beauty contest to the Drake Relays is neither here nor there, but I trust that it will be handled in time by the United States Congress and the people responsible – dead or alive – will be punished for their laziness accordingly.

So what about Huckleberry? Who’s a good widdle champion?

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Hey, did you notice that 8 of the Top 25 ranked college basketball teams lost yesterday? If I knew it, I had forgotten. Or perhaps I was living in denial until I just received a pleasant telephone call from my bookie. Not only did #1 Memphis lose to #2 Tennessee in a thrilling game last night, but several other disasters to my personal economy occurred:

• #17 Washington St. 55, Arizona 65 – I'd enjoy being seduced by a cougar, but I guess I'd rather have sex with a wildcat.
• Kent State 65, #23 St. Mary's 57 – I assume the Catholics felt guilty for that fracas at KSU in 1970. We feel guilty for everything.
• #24 Kansas St. 86, Baylor 92 – Unmurdered ballers play much better. What? Too soon?
• Nebraska 65, #22 Texas A&M 59 – No, I didn't bet on the Aggies. Do I look that stupid? Don't answer that.
• Villanova 67, #13 UConn 65 – Too bad, had I woken up for Mass this morning I would have donated some money to the Augustinians.
• #16 Drake 71, #8 Butler 64 – Michael Vick would have liked this game.
• #4 Kansas 60, Oklahoma St. 61 – Memo to Bill Self: You owe me a knee cap sir.