Lana. LANA!

Sports On TV is in the Danger Zone.

Our look at the best sports moments from shows that aren’t necessarily about sports takes on FX’s ‘Archer’ this week, and if there’s a show the kids at UPROXX love more than ‘Archer,’ I’d like to see it. Inside, you’ll find one of the most clever, obscure, expertly-written shows on television. You’ll also find lacrosse jokes about rock bands from the 1990s, a guy trying to play baseball in space, Ultimate Bum Shock Fights (which are exactly what they sound like), Siamese fighting fish, and more.

So please click through and-or enjoy Sports On TV: ‘Archer’s’ 15 greatest sports moments.

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Wait for it … wait for it …

This clip of Yuri Danilochkin eating it on his way down the slope at Austria’s FIS World Cup championships is fun in that “watching people mildly hurt themselves” way, but it’s nothing spectacular. What’s spectacular is the ending, when the camera crew shares the reaction of Yuri’s trainer, aka Yuri’s mom. It’s the kind of reaction reserved for those times when a dead Japanese girl is crawling out of your television.

Deadspin was nice enough to share this clip (because I’m a little behind in my DVR with all these Austrian ski competitions going on), and they were also nice enough to share the response from Canadian skiier Manuel Paradis, who pretty much says it all:

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I can’t explain why this video exists, but if I had to, I’d say YOLO.

YouTube user Explosean is just like any other band geek on the Internet … he uploads instructional trombone videos, thinks putting a GoPro on the slide is hilarious and knows what “progressive jazz” means. He’s also not afraid to take it to the next level and go FULL INTERNET BOSS by performing Wagner’s ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ while skiing down the side of a mountain.

That video is just part one. Part two, included after the jump, follows Explosean a little farther down the mountain and sees him blow past other, unsuspecting skiers en route to destiny.

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The New York Post is reporting that actress Natasha Richardson is now brain dead after suffering a fall during a ski lesson yesterday. Richardson is known for her work on Broadway and in a couple movies that I’ve never heard of:

Richardson, who was being treated at a Montreal hospital, is being transported to New York this afternoon so her mom Vanessa Redgrave, two children and other loved ones can say goodbye before she’s taken off life-support, friends said.

Liam Neeson, husband of the Broadway and screen star, left shooting of his movie in Toronto to rush to Richardson’s side in Montreal and now on the trip home.

The British-born Richardson, 45, fell during a private lesson at Mont Tremblant resort yesterday and allegedly told resort employees she felt fine. But an hour later, she complained of an extreme headache and was rushed to a nearby hospital.

Being brain dead is not the same as being in a persistent vegetative state (PVS), which is comatose brought on by brain damage. PVS people can still breathe and respond to stimuli, whereas someone brain dead cannot. I have a pretty good idea how Liam Neeson might spend his last moments with his wife…
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Bode Miller doesn't want to race in the 2010 Winter Olympics:

"It's highly doubtful that I'll be racing in 2010," America's top skier said in an interview Friday, "and even if I am racing in World Cup, I wouldn't go (to the Olympics). There's too much emphasis on winning,"

Yeah, there is too much emphasis on winning.  It's not like you grew up during the Cold War where almost every Olympic event was viewed as a matter of life and death by all Americans.

"Being the front man for it in the last Olympics, I thought it was terrible," he said. "That was the reason (my behavior) was so terrible, the reason I was a hard ass." 

"Hard ass" must mean something different in Bode's native New Hampshire, because, on the South Side, drinking all night with co-eds and phoning it in at work the next day earns you the moniker of "slack ass".  I should know because I'm an International Grandmaster Slack Ass.

"In my mind, I'm better than any other racer," he said. "I've been racing against those guys for five, 10 years. Given equal conditions, I feel I can beat those guys any day."

That is so profound.  Why do they even have to race?  They should have two skiers face-off in a mind battle, and we could imagine the race ourselves.  Bode's metaphysics surely destine him to the be the abbot of a serene Zen Buddhist monastery.  Except it will have nightly drunken parties with naked ski bunnies.  God Buddha bless him. -KD