As you may have heard, there were shots fired at Michael Vick’s 30th birthday party on June 26th. If that wasn’t bad enough news for those holding out hope for the Michael Vick Experience, what you’re about to find out may prove unforgivable to amusement park tycoons with a penchant for dog-fighting quarterbacks. Vick’s probation terms prohibit him from leaving Pennsylvania, which makes it difficult for Michael to make a scheduled appearance at football camp in North Carolina. The worst part? Vick didn’t even have the nerve to RSVP until the last possible minute. Now what will they do with all this left over potato salad?

Eagles quarterback Michael Vick has been barred from leaving Pennsylvania, which means he couldn’t participate in the football camp he had committed to attending this weekend in Raleigh, North Carolina. The director of that camp wonders why Vick didn’t bother to tell him.

The camp director, Cornelius Corprew, says that he never heard directly from Vick and was only informed that Vick wouldn’t attend when he received a 2 a.m. phone call from one of Vick’s handlers.

“They called early, like 2 o’clock in the morning, telling us he’s not coming,” Corprew told the Associated Press. “And then we couldn’t speak to him. It was through one of his associates. We’re not crazy. No state agency is communicating at 2 o’clock in the morning that he’s not allowed to come. I think that was a selfish act.”
–PFT

That makes Michael rude. Certainly not characteristic of the circles of high society he found himself in after banking in that 130 million dollar contract. It looks like Mikey could really use that money now. Read on, as Vick earns his nomination for World’s Biggest Douche. Read the rest of this entry »

As you may have heard, University of Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans was arrested and charged with DUI last Wednesday. A DUI is a pretty douche move in and of itself, but Damon will go down in the douche hall of fame for what he said while being pulled over.

“I am not trying to bribe you but I am the athletic director of the University of Georgia,” Evans said. –USAToday

He wasn’t hoping to bribe them. Jones was hoping that he wouldn’t need to because he’s the athletic director of Georgia. As such, he’s immune from all of the “laws” and “rules of civilization” that we common people have to follow. He would never stoop as low as someone like Charles Barkley he has far too much respect for his wife. Read the rest of this entry »

I’d like to say that I understand the passion soccer fans have, but this is just unbelievable. 28 year old Hector Castro was arrested in McAllen, Texas this week for murdering his 2 year old stepdaughter. Why would he do such a thing? She kept crying during the US-Ghana match. I don’t blame her for crying. I would too if I had a psychotic stepdad.

Police say Hector Castro, 28, called firefighters to his apartment because the girl swallowed a screw. But police say the screw was jammed down the throat of the girl to make the death look like an accident, and that she died because she was beaten and suffocated.

“There are no words for this,” McAllen Police Chief Victor Rodriguez told the Monitor. “It makes you want to think about doing lots of things to this guy, but he will face the criminal justice system just like everybody else.” –USAToday

Without question, the most morbid use of the sentence “she swallowed it and choked” I could possibly imagine. However, Castro is certainly a criminal mastermind. As if the coroner wouldn’t notice the massive, fist sized bruises all over her body. Apparently, he’s an illegal immigrant so after he’s done torturing children, he can take care of your lawn for 5 dollars an hour.

The Duke lacrosse team finally learned how to rape on the field, as they penetrated Notre Dame to a 6-5 victory. When asked to comment, Duke fans popped all of the collars on the shirts they were wearing and started yelling about the car dealership their dad owns. The game went into overtime for the second year in a row, but was over quickly.

And then in five short seconds, CJ Costabile did what four years couldn’t do. The sophomore long pole won the opening faceoff in overtime, sprinted down the field and scored to give Duke a 6-5 victory over Notre Dame, its first lacrosse national championship and the ultimate cathartic moment. –ESPN

Lax bros from Cape Cod to Chevy Chase then proceeded to shotgun like 20 beers in an hour, bro, and totally railed out your girlfriend. The kegger they threw at Beau’s place was so awesome that every slam piece on campus came and got hot beef injections. The bros then kicked them out, smoked a bowl, and watched the first five seasons of Entourage. Ultimate lax bro Brantford Winstonworth gives his comments after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

This is what the ninth circle of hell is like

Mr. Landis said that Mr. Armstrong’s longtime coach, Johan Bruyneel, introduced Mr. Landis to the use of steroid patches, blood doping and human growth hormone in 2002 and 2003, his first two years on the U.S. Postal Service team. He alleged Mr. Armstrong helped him understand the way the drugs worked. “He and I had lengthy discussions about it on our training rides during which time he also explained to me the evolution of EPO testing and how transfusions were now necessary due to the inconvenience of the new test,” Mr. Landis claimed in the email. He claimed he was instructed by Mr. Bruyneel how to use synthetic EPO and steroids and how to carry out blood transfusions that doping officials wouldn’t be able to detect. –WSJ.com

Lance had been in the steroid conversations a couple of years ago, but has managed to keep his reputation in tact. Well, as much as he could after banging Sheryl Crow. Read the rest of this entry »

The world is waiting for LeBron James to decide where he will choke in the playoffs next year, but the wild speculations as to where he will sign have already started. The Chicago Tribune cited an ‘anonymous league source’ (aka a snitch who would rather not be fired) that NBA wheeler-and-dealer William Wesley is selling the idea of a package deal with LeBron and Coach Cal.

League sources said Sunday that noted NBA power broker William Wesley continues to work back channels to sell John Calipari and James as a package deal to franchises such as the Bulls, Nets and Clippers with coaching vacancies and salary cap room.

Coach Cal has already tweeted about the subject, but he’s a scumbag with a record as clean as a Willie Nelson drug test.

Obviously, the chances of this happening anywhere are slim, and Cleveland should still be regarded as LeBron’s home for next season. A package deal in LA, New Jersey, or Chicago is not going to happen. Read the rest of this entry »