Fresh off the news that President Barack Obama called Philadelphia Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie to commend him for giving Michael Vick a second chance, as well as Vick and Tom Brady leading the Pro Bowl voting, Fox News bowtie enthusiast Tucker Carlson gave his own opinions on the trials and tribulations of the Eagles QB last night when he filled in for the universally beloved gentleman scholar Sean Hannity on Hannity Live. While Vick was busy begging the Minnesota Vikings to intercept his passes, Carlson claimed that he believes in second chances, but not in Vick’s case. No, Mr. Vick, he expects you to die.

That’s right, folks, the guy who Jon Stewart once called a “dick” on his own show, said that Vick should have been put to death for his role in a dog-fighting ring and the torture and killing of pooches. Give me a cookie treat for being a good boy, Tucker…

Read the rest of this entry »

School officials at the University of Iowa have filed a report with the NCAA admitting recent wrongdoing in regards to men’s basketball recruiting. Last month, high school recruits were visiting during a football game, and they were introduced to former Iowa basketball greats, Reggie Evans and Dean Oliver. And while that may sound like small potatoes, it only gets worse. Turns out the recruits were led to a private suite at Kinnick Stadium, and awaiting them were the most despicable, deplorable recruiting degenerates in college football history – Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.

Fresh off their marriage-on-the-rocks-saved-by-love-for-freaky-deaky-sex-scandal, Ashton and his grandma wife were more than willing to meet with Hawkeyes basketball recruits Josh Oglesby and Marcus Paige at the September 11 game between Iowa and Iowa State. Kutcher attended Iowa with the dreams of becoming a chemical engineer to develop a cure for his brother’s rare heart disease, but he eventually left to pursue a career in professional Tweeting instead.

Turn that trucker hat sideways and punk Wilmer Valderrama, Des Moines Register:

Read the rest of this entry »

Despite being in first place in the NFC North with a 4-3 record, things aren’t looking so hot for the Chicago Bears. For starters, quarterback Jay Cutler has come back down to Earth after a hot start – and a concussion – and the team has dropped its last two games to allow the Green Bay Packers to make the division race neck-and-neck again. And because of that, the team can’t even get some respect in its own town. Not even from the former bass player of Fall Out Boy.

A group of at least 25 Bears players hit the town on Monday and after they finished dinner they hit the night club Angels and Kings, which is owned by Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson. When the group showed up to the door, bouncers told the players that they weren’t welcome. Then one of the bouncers pulled out his laptop and dropped Matt Forte from his fantasy team. That will show those punks.

What do your inside sources tell you, Chicago Sun-Times?

Read the rest of this entry »

The NHL’s two biggest stars, Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin, are also the league’s two biggest rivals. Their hatred has boiled over to the rest of their teammates on overrated teams that choked against the Canadians the Pens and Caps. And much like an enforcer who steps in to fight for his star, Pittsburgh forward Max Talbot recently spoke trash about Ovechkin to keep his star out of the headlines.

Pittsburgh Penguins forward Max Talbot began a war of words with Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin on Tuesday while Talbot was promoting the upcoming 2011 NHL Winter Classic between the Pens and Caps at Heinz Field on New Year’s Day.

“The first time I met him, actually, when I met him off the ice,” Talbot told The X. “You hear a lot of stories about a guy, but sometimes they’re not true. You hear of guys who are not good guys, and you’re like, ‘Yeah, okay, I’ll give the guy a shot.’ The first time I met him, let’s say he didn’t give the best impression to me, so better reason to hate him even more.”

“I was actually at the NHL Awards last summer with (Evgeni) Malkin, and we brought the Stanley Cup over there after the season,” Talbot told The X. “Malkin knew Ovechkin, and introduced me to him, and the first impression wasn’t great. I’m not really gonna say what happened, but I’m like, ‘Ok, this guy is a real (expletive deleted) (the ‘expletive’ is douche — ED).’ ” –TSN

So he met Ovechkin, thinking he was a douche, and decided to label him a douche after meeting him once? What’s not to like about Alex? Sure, he’s Russian, and by definition a Communist, but at least he’s not Canadian. Say what you will about the tenets of Communism, at least it’s an ethos, dude. Read the rest of this entry »

LeBron James’ choice to suit up for the Miami Heat hasn’t only affected the citizens of Cleveland and Miami. LeBronitis has gone all the way north to Flint, Michigan, where the news of LeBron’s departure from Cleveland has forced a man to drive while hammered. Why LeBron? Why did you have to ruin this poor man’s driving record?

For one man, basketball player LeBron James’s choice to play for Miami was just too much.

According to police reports, police stopped the driver, a 30-year-old Flint man, after watching his vehicle drift over the center line and the shoulder of the road at 2:40 a.m. July 11 on Maple Road near Maplebrook Apartments.

Police reported that the man appeared to be intoxicated. When asked if he’d been drinking the man said that he had been drinking, and it was because LeBron James had decided to play for the Miami Heat instead of the Boston Celtics (James had actually turned down an opportunity to play for the Cleveland Cavaliers).

A breath test revealed that the man’s alcohol level was 0.16 percent. The man was cited for driving while intoxicated. Police reports did not indicate if the man was taken to jail or released. –MLive via –USAToday

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph if LeBron had signed with the Celtics I would’ve had to give up the NBA for good. I need more smug mass holes in my life like I need ass cancer, and getting ass cancer would totally suck. It’s one step below ball cancer. Michael Jordan weighs in on LeBron after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

If you’ve ever been at a Justin Timberlake move and thought to yourself “Man, I wonder how this could possibly get more douchy” then you’re in luck. Alex Rodriguez has been cast alongside Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in their movie Friends with Benefits. Once Mila’s done with amateur hour, I have a couple roles for her, myself. Specifically roles as a nurse, police office, and pirate, but I think she has the range to handle anything I throw her way. I mean, she was on That 70′s Show.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis are starring in the upcoming movie “Friends With Benefits,” and someone just got added to the cast…drum roll please…none other than the Lightning Rod…Alex Rodriguez..The Yankees slugger will make his big-screen debut in the upcoming comedy..Rounding out the cast is Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone and Andy Samberg..Filming is scheduled to begin this month in and around New York. The production will work around A-Rod’s Yankees schedule..mostly shooting his scenes on his off days..According to my sources, A-Rod will portray himself..and not actually play a character..which is unfortunate because A-Rod is one damn good actor.. -TO –TerezOwens

“Rounding out the cast is Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Andy Samberg.” I wish I hallucinated myself reading that. This sounds like the worst movie of all time. I’m willing to bet that A-Rod’s acting has a strong start at the beginning of the movie, but beings to fall off after the emotional crux. I’d still rather have my eyes pried open and have a gallon of lemon juice dropped on them while watching Sex and the City 2 on repeat than this garbage. Thank goodness they at least hired some eye candy. Prepare to have a cornea cavity after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »