So there’s a story floating around today about how baseball legends Pete Rose and Joe Dimaggio
went to Vietnam, which sounds like the opening of a joke. Since it involves Pete Rose, in a way, it is.

And Joe says, ‘Man, I’ve gotta take a shower.’ I said, ‘Joe, we’re out in the middle of the jungle, what do you mean you’ve got to take a shower?’ He said, ‘I don’t give a damn, I’m Joe D and I’ve gotta take a shower.’ And the only way you can take a shower, Mike, is they have these big bamboo bags, like, and somebody’s got to get on a chair and pour the water and pull a rawhide thing and the water comes through and the guy takes a shower. So I saw everything that Marilyn Monroe saw. Now, when I tell people the best way to describe Joe DiMaggio, he was a penis with a man hanging from it. … Does that give you a better perspective?”

–Sports Radio Interviews, via Povia.Tumblr.

That’s news to us, especially after seeing this photo. Marilyn Monroe was nailing the president for a reason, although she didn’t give head nearly as well as Lee Harvey Oswald.

So this Brett Favre-Jenn Sterger-Brett Favre’s Penis love triangle has finally come to a, um, head. Images of what allegedly is Brett Favre’s penis. It’s bad for business for us to say, “Yeah, we’re talking sports over here and it’s great, but you really need to go to this other site.” But seriously, if you do any dabbling in the world of penii, this is right up your…you know what, just go check it out.

I’ve done work for Deadspin in the past (that Visanthe Shiancoe weiner? Yep, that was me), so I won’t sit here and lecture about what should and shouldn’t qualify as “sports news.” But after watching the video, I can’t help but think to myself, “That sounds exactly like Brett Favre, and that sounds exactly like the pitiful game I would expect from Brett Favre.” Can’t believe she didn’t want anything to do with him. I really can’t. No, I totally can. That was sarcasm.

Your move, Sage Rosenfels.

San Antonio Spur and IUPUI alum George Hill apologized for the nude photos that recently showed up on the internet, perhaps because they were so disappointing after the Greg Oden nude photos.

In a statement issued by the team Tuesday, Hill said: “A year ago I made a mistake and take full responsibility for my actions. I have matured and learned from this episode.”

Hill apologized to his girlfriend, family, the Spurs and fans. –Y! News.

I haven’t seen the photos, but TMZ says that they were on The Dirty, appropriately enough. That’s enough of the NBA wang, internet. One can only hope that some of these female Olympians are taking their digital cameras to Vancouver this week.

England's Ashley Young, a 20-year-old striker who got his first cap in England's embarrassing 2-1 loss to Russia that eliminated them from some big competition, has a nice little habit of masturbating on his webcam for strangers.  News of the World confirmed it with their own research after Young gave the Full Monty to a woman named Sarah:

As he groped himself 22-year-old Aston Villa star Young said: "I'd love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****…yeh babe, teasing ur ****." Ignoring all the rules on handling, he went to huge lengths to show himself off and feverishly bashed out saucy demands like: "I wanna have my **** between ur **** and u ****ing the top of my ****."

Pretty Sarah, 21, told us: "I was shocked. I'd gone on for some flirty chat but what I got was a randy sex addict."

[H]e went through his lewd pre-match routine AGAIN before Villa's clash with Middlesbrough last Saturday. Sarah… sat stunned as she watched one of England's brighest sporting talents furiously perform another solo sex act.

Sarah said: "He was going hard at it. After reaching a climax he signed off about 1.30am. I couldn't believe what I'd seen."

Oh, you better believe it, baby.  Because when I meet strangers on the Internet, they don't have to wait to get an eyeful of my throbbing cock while I feverishly pump myself to a sticky–

What?  Oh.  I totally forgot this story was about someone else.  If you guys could not mention that last part to anyone, I'd appreciate it.  (Ladies: next webcam show is at 9:00 Eastern. Rawr!)

[you been blinded]