If I’ve learned anything from my decades of dating pop stars, actresses and models, it’s that there is always an agenda. For example, my last girlfriend, a Victoria’s Secret model, used to say things like, “Leave me alone” and “I’ve never met you” and “Seriously, my boyfriend is going to kick your ass”, and I knew that it was just her way of saying, “Please send me more collages of us with baby animals”. That’s why when Miss Alabama USA and girlfriend of that guy whose team won something earlier this week, Katherine Webb, suddenly canceled her TV appearances and changed her phone number, we knew there had to be a little more to the story.

Especially with this wacky bro involved.

Additionally, everyone should know by now that when you Tweet something on the Twitters and then delete it, it’s never gone. NEVER. Someone always has a copy of that Tweet, no matter how fast you think you were. And someone indeed grabbed a copy of a long-since-deleted Tweet from Webb yesterday that kind of negates all that privacy stuff…

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It has been three days since the No. 2 Alabama Crimson Tide laid a hurtin’ on the No. 1 Notre Dame Fighting Irish in the BCS National Championship Game, and I already had to look up when the game was played just so I could write how many days it has been. Thanks to Notre Dame’s failure to show up – as well as the Internet generation’s lack of attention span – most of us can’t even remember the score of that forgettable game, because this week has been all about Miss Alabama USA Katherine Webb.

Webb, of course, is easy to remember, because she’s the attractive brunette who was sitting with Alabama QB AJ McCarron’s mom during the game, which caused Brent Musberger to say what half of America was thinking. (The other half, of course, ran to the Gawker comments section to call Webb ugly.) For her few moments of TV time, Webb gained more than 100,000 Twitter followers over night, to which Darren Rovell replied, “Hubba hubba.”

Naturally, TV networks and media outlets have been fawning over this relatively unknown beauty queen, because she’s the boo of the national champion QB – ol’ whatshisname, as I’m sure The View has called him – so she’s already made a few TV appearances to talk about this whirlwind week. Unfortunately, that’s all coming to an end, because Webb has canceled her remaining TV appearances and changed her phone number. I blame Darnell Dockett for that second part.

Thankfully, TMZ knows what’s really going on.

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Reality TV host, global real estate icon and world’s largest source of natural hot air Donald Trump reached a new level of relevance during the 2012 presidential election, as he trolled Twitter ever so hard and goaded millions of people into reacting to his shameless, arrogant and irresponsible opinions about President Barack Obama and the future of America. All the while, as people lashed out at the world’s most famous head of hair, there was a hilarious irony in a man who has declared bankruptcy 5 times proclaiming to know what is wrong with America. But we ain’t here to chatter politics.

Instead, now that the election is over and Trump is through dangerously tossing around the word revolution, Trump chose to get back to pushing random buttons, this time targeting the fine people of Scotland, where he recently built Trump International Golf Links, an ambitious golf course that Trump claims sets a “new standard in course design” while “honoring Scottish tradition”. Also, you have to be wealthy as hell to become a member, so naturally the people who have had the honor of playing this course think it’s the kilt’s tilt.

That let Trump to this recent boast.

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If you’re having trouble thinking of a whiter, more joyless thing than “Donald Trump and Bill O’Reilly watching a baseball game together”, try adding “and doing the wave during a Yankees loss at Yankee Stadium” to the end of it.

Their reactions are pitch-perfect. Trump watches everyone have fun, then does a terrible version of the wave himself about five seconds too late. O’Reilly keeps time with the wave but only does it with his index finger, rolling his eyes with the rest of his body as it passes.

I can’t really blame Bill for this one. The wave is dumb, and my reaction to it at games isn’t much different. Actually, wait, I can totally blame them for this. After it was done, O’Reilly chastised President Obama for letting the wave happen in what’s SUPPOSED to be a free country, and Trump took credit for starting it. That felt good!

[h/t to Outside The Boxscore]

With the success of the first installment of the With Leather Awesome Celebrity Baseball Fan Tracker last week, I decided that we had to explore the darker side of famous fans. And hoo boy, are there some seriously embarrassing celebrity fans out there. But in fairness to the good fans out there, a lot of them – motions upward with eyes – are just fake fans, using our beloved national pastime as a chance to extend their 15 minutes a few more seconds.

As mentioned in the previous post – updated maps forthcoming – I don’t want the burden of being the ultimate deciding factor in putting together this thorough directory of which famous d-bags and dolts love which baseball teams. So I want you to make your recommendations in the comments for celebrities that I’ve missed, and I know that there are plenty.

But I also urge you to speak out in defense of any actor, musician, politician or generally famous person who I may have slighted by labeling an embarrassing fan. With the NBA and NHL playoffs ending in a few weeks – and they’re both already over for me – we’re in for a long summer. Let’s spend it creating productive dialog, shall we?

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Remember when Donald Trump decided that being born in Hawaii didn’t make you a U.S. citizen and spent months trying to get Barack Obama to show everybody his birth certificate? Remember how stupid that made everybody feel about everything? Obama finally shows everybody a birth certificate, but it isn’t authentic enough. So it gets authenticated, but it isn’t printed on nice enough paper, and then the paper is nice enough but it was bought at an Office Max outside of Washington D.C. and that is unpatriotic, and it just keeps going and going because nobody really cares where Obama was born, they just don’t like him and have to have a sh*t-talking point.

Yeah, that’s exactly what basketball needed.

“He wasn’t born and raised in L.A,” [Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon] Jennings told ESPN the Magazine’s Chris Palmer regarding [Kobe] Bryant, who attended Lower Merion near Philadelphia. “You gotta be from L.A. for Drew. Show me a birth certificate.”

Brandon Jennings hates Kobe Bryant. Nobody is really sure why, or if he’s just kidding or what. If Kobe Bryant agrees to play in the Drew League-Goodman League rematch, thousands of people from L.A. will show up to see him, and everyone from Commissioner Oris “Dino” Smiley all the way down to the Chinese kid who is secretly Kobe’s nephew will love it. Everyone except Jennings, of course, who is the type of guy to post passive-aggressive pictures of himself wearing novelty t-shirts (like the one pictured right) on the Internet. And yeah, Kobe is from Philadelphia, but he’s been synonymous with Los Angeles since 1996. He’s 33 years old and has spent the last 16 in L.A. How long do you have to live somewhere and how much do you have to contribute before you’re “from” there?

And while you’re contemplating whether or not letting a resident of nearly two decades in compromises the integrity of a glorified rec league, consider what Jennings used to say when someone brought up Kobe.

“The [Lakers] got the best player in the game right now, Kobe Bryant, hands down,” Jennings said. “The guys has five rings and won two of them without Shaq. The man is the best player in the league.”

I think the most important question is this: how can we use this to call the Miami Heat the Tea Party?

[h/t Los Angeles Times]