How Are People In Canada Coping With The NHL Lockout? Sex Toys, Of Course

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.20.12

As we dip our toes into the 66th day of this NHL lockout, it shouldn’t surprise many people that yesterday’s latest crucial meeting was a complete dud, as talks lasted a whopping two hours. Among very few other things, the players union and league officials agreed to meet up again this morning to simply decide if they’re going to have another meeting. “That’s a good idea,” said hockey fans, adding, “Because you didn’t talk about sh*t yesterday.”

‘‘We talked about various things,’’ union executive director Donald Fehr said on a chilly Manhattan sidewalk outside the NHL office. ‘‘No new proposals were made, they were not expected to be made.” (Via the Boston Globe)

So the question that nobody is really asking is – what the hell are the fans doing to fill their void? According to one Edmonton business owner, NHL fans are getting their freak on.

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The NHL Lockout Could Possibly End Today

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.06.12

Oh Pete Carroll, you ol' horn dog.

Last week, due to the NHL lockout, the league canceled its best regular season event of the season, as it pulled the plug on the Bridgestone NHL Winter Classic, which would have been played in freezing temperatures in front of 100,000 people at the University of Michigan. That should have been one of the coolest – literally and figuratively – sporting events of our lifetimes, and instead it’s just a memory rattling around like a BB in the tin can that is Gary Bettman’s head.

Today at 3:30 PM ET, the owners and players union will resume talks, and people seem to be buzzing about the possibility of the NHL saving half of its season, much like the NBA did last year. But for a reminder, let’s turn to TIME’s Keeping Score for a recap of what it will take to get these guys back on the ice.

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The NHL Lockout Has Inspired The Wrath Of Hockey Fans Across The Internet

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.03.12

The NHL and the league’s players association made a huge breakthrough yesterday, in that they figured out a way to reward both sides with longer vacations and the fans with more time to watch other sports. Basically, after yesterday’s labor talks, both sides are farther apart than ever in this NHL lockout, and the season is in serious jeopardy.

Talks broke off quickly between the league and NHL Players’ Association on Tuesday morning and deputy commissioner Bill Daly emerged from the meeting saying he didn’t have “any progress to report.” For the first time, he also revealed the extent of the damage the lockout has inflicted so far — “close to” $100 million after the cancellation of the entire pre-season schedule.

“That is not going to be recouped and that’s going to cost both sides,” Daly told reporters in New York. “That’s unfortunate but it’s a reality of where we are.” (Via the National Post)

And there are no immediate plans for both sides to meet, because hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of jobs in two countries are hardly a priority when rich people are upset about percentages. But just like in the recent NFL and NBA lockouts, the fans are the true victim as far as we’re concerned, and the NHL’s fans are plenty upset about the prospects of no season.

NHL fans are fiercely loyal, almost cultish at times, when it comes to defending their sport from Jaromir-come-lately fans like me, and I respect that immensely. So I searched and scour the Intertubes for some fan reactions, and boy did I find plenty. You know what I learned more than anything? NHL fans want commissioner Gary Bettman to go far away. Like H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks away. In fact, some even wish his mom had… well, I’ll let you read for yourself.

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Gary Bettman Is Trying To Be David Stern Despite Not Being David Stern

Written by Ashley Burns / 08.20.12

With a lockout looming and looking more certain as each day passes, the NHL’s universe is quickly splitting into the standard factions of “It’s the greedy owners’ fault!” vs. “It’s those stupid players’ fault!” as the people caught in between try to figure out how this could happen just one year after the NFL and NBA terrified their fans. The answer, according to one Canadian columnist, is that the NHL’s commissioner, Gary Bettman, is a man hellbent on ruling his league with an iron fist.

The only problem is that he doesn’t have the moon-sized testicles of Roger Goodell, nor does he have the maniacal “F*CK YOU!” attitude of David Stern. Nope, Bettman’s just a clown that works in favor of the NHL owners who provide the big bucks, according to the Ottowa Citizen’s Jack Todd.

This time, it is Bettman who has presented an entirely irrational plan, one the NHL players’ association would be mad to accept – and it is PA executive director Donald Fehr who responded with a propos-al so rational, so well thought out, that we actually hoped Bettman might accept it, at least as a starting point for a new approach.

Nyet!

There is no rationale whatsoever for the coming lockout. The only problem – the only problem – is that the rich owners don’t want to share some of their largesse with struggling, small-market franchises. They’d rather take it out of the players’ hide, which is where Bettman comes in: bilking the players is his specialty.

As Todd points out, Bettman indeed learned from his Sith Emperor in Stern, but the problem that everyone seems to be ignoring is that if the NHL has a lockout, it’s going to be considerably harder for the league to win fans back than it was for the NFL (which didn’t lose any regular season games) and NBA (lost a quarter of its season),

Also, that “so rational” proposal that Donald Fehr offered is only rational if the alternative was being mauled by grizzly bears. Like Bettman’s proposal, Fehr’s proposal clearly favored his side. Fehr’s was simply designed to look like a better mutual offer. Either way, tick tock, you hosers. D-Day coming in 26 days.

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NHL Vet Found Dead As Hockey’s Macabre 2011 Rolls On

Written by Brandon Stroud / 09.01.11

hockey player Wade Belak found dead

The summer has not been kind to hockey.

In May, New York Rangers left winger Derek Boogaard mixed alcohol and oxycodone and died. Earlier this month, Winnipeg Jets forward Rick Rypien killed himself, and now, just yesterday afternoon, 15-year NHL veteran Wade Belak has been found dead in Toronto. Foul play isn’t suspected and we don’t officially know the cause of death, but CBC is saying it was suicide. Three tragedies since May.

A 12th-overall draft pick in 1994, the 35-year old Belak spent his time in pro hockey with the Colorado Avalanche, Calgary Flames, Toronto Maple Leafs, Florida Panthers and Nashville Predators. He retired in March, but had been named as one of the contestants for the upcoming third season of the CBC’s “Battle of the Blades” and was scheduled to be part of the Predators’ television broadcast team. Former Nashville Predators assistant General Manager Mike Santos (now with the Panthers) talked to the Miami Herald about Belak’s passing, and put it way better than anyone writing a blog about it could.

“He was as friendly and nice a person as I have ever met,” Santos said. “He would give you the shirt off his back. He did so much for kids and our community. He was wonderful. I’m shocked. I’m sad. I don’t know what to say. It’s a real shame. He’s the best.”

That’s it in a nutshell, really. You remember the kindness, and you don’t know why it was taken away. The Predators, the team with whom Belak spent his final three seasons, issued their own statement:

“The entire Nashville Predators organization and family is shocked and saddened by the sudden and untimely passing of Wade Belak. Wade was a beloved member of the organization, a terrific teammate and wonderful father and husband. He will be greatly missed. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his wife Jennifer and children Andie and Alex. We offer our full support to them at this very difficult time.”

If you visit our friends at Puck Daddy you can read comments from Gary Bettman, Donald Fehr and more as they come in throughout the day. Hopefully this is the last time hockey fans and families will have to go through this, at least for a little while.

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PREPARE FOR BASEBALL’S WEINER ERA

Written by JOSH Z / 06.23.09

Donald Fehr announced yesterday that he will be leaving his post as head of the MLB players’ union within the next nine months, allowing his successor enough time to unpack his office and find out where the cafeteria is before negotiating baseball’s next labor deal, which expires in December of 2011. Fehr has recommended that some dude named Michael Weiner replace him. Weiner has been the players’ general counsel since 2004. From Y! Sports:

“I think I have some sense of what I’m getting into,” Weiner said.

As part of the succession plan, Weiner met Monday in the union’s conference room with Fehr and the 92-year-old Marvin Miller, Fehr’s predecessor.

“I think that he’s a bright guy,” Miller said. “He’s certainly not lacking in experience. He’s got the background for it.”

Fehr leaves behind a 16-year legacy of sharp gains in player salaries after negotiating five union agreements in MLB, but also a relatively passive stance on performance-enhancing drugs that have all the Puritans’ purists’ panties in a bunch. Oh, and there was that whole strike thing in 1994 that wiped out the postseason.

Weiner’s rise to power has to be rubber-stamped by the union’s executive board. And I look forward to acting like a third-grader again when Mr. Weiner is spearheading the union into labor negotiations. This will be one hard-working weiner for sure.

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