(Burnsy here. The other day, me and the fellas were chatting around the UPROXX whiskey fountain, and we decided that Sports Illustrated and Deadspin are on to something. Last week, SI – for no reason other than passing out some cyber ass slaps – launched its list of the 100 sports people that we should be following on Twitter, and Deadspin responded with a more tongue-in-cheek version of people we shouldn’t follow. The problem, though, is that there are people out there who you really should be following that don’t get the credit they deserve, and there are people who really, really suck beyond the obvious guys like Skip Bayless and Jason Whitlock, who both really, really suck.
So we enlisted some friends for this week, and we’re sending out our own Twitter ass slaps. Next on the docket, UPROXX’s own Danger Guerrero.)
When someone sends an awesome photo my way with no description, I try very hard to dig up any kind of context that I can, as to not simply present the image and say, “Durrrr, here be photo.” But sometimes we’re given pictures that simply don’t need context because they’re just perfect as is.
Last night, rapper DMX Tweeted the above image from his Instagram account, featuring him, Nas, and someone named DJ Drama (my hip hop knowledge is limited to 3rd Bass and Snow). And behind them, if for no reason other than he was there, is former New Jersey Nets, Philadelphia 76ers, Charlotte Hornets, and Detroit Pistons forward Derrick Coleman.
Now, I’m no expert on starting a rapper’s entourage, but I think DMX has set the bar a little low here. At least call Kendall Gill, Felton Spencer, Bo Kimble, Rumeal Robinson, and Alaa Abdelnaby to round out the rest of the 1990 NBA Draft talent. That’s a crew that would probably work for their swag.
Official FilmDrunk Oscars Open Thread - When Viola Davis isn’t awarded for acting but an Oscar goes to the MM MMS I LUBS ME SOME FRIED CHICKEN GURRRL monologue from The Help, you know something’s wrong. [Film Drunk]
The 10 Greatest Oscar Travesties Since 1941 - Number one all time: Jurassic Park not winning Best Picture against literally anything they could put up against it. [Buzzfeed]
HBO’s 10 Greatest Musical Moments - Numbers one through ten: that DA DA DAAAAAA music that plays while the HBO logo from the 80s flies through space. [Warming Glow]
Creature Gear — 6 Pieces of Technology We Should Give to Zoo Animals - I want to stay away from any real life we3 situations that involve me being murdered by something yelling GUD DOG at me. [Gamma Squad]
Meme Watch: The Captain Kitteh Jokes Sail Full Speed Ahead - There needs to be a Delta version where you have to suddenly wait six hours between Captain Kitteh pictures because they still think booking flights on the Internet is make believe. [UPROXX]
The 10 Best GIFs From Thursday Night Television - |UPROXX|
DMX Had A Unique Hennessey Diet While Filming Belly - You aren’t going to care, but I’ve been mad at Belly for like 15 years for getting T-Boz from TLC naked in a movie and filming her in pitch blackness. [Smoking Section]
Review: Wanderlust - “Did not feature T-Boz from TLC nude. Would not watch again.” [Film Drunk]
Pamela Anderson proudly displays Spring’s latest look – eyebrows painted on a snare drum - If I was God, the first thing I’d do is get rid of airplane turbulence. The second thing I’d do is time displace ‘Home Improvement’-era Pam Anderson forever. [FARK]
Man Tests Bulletproof Vest By Shooting Himself [NSFW] - Alternate headline: “Man is total goober, earns place in next 10 editions of Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader”. [The FW]
That Really Awkward Photo That Made Brad Pitt Look Like David Spade - That makes Angelina Jolie that illogically hot girl you always find out is banging David Spade, I guess. [Pajiba]
If All the Avengers Posed Like Black Widow - Pro wrestling gets a lot of sh*t for latent homosexuality, but man, it ain’t got nothin’ on comic books. [Unreality]
Samuel L. Jackson x Melody Sheep – Go The F**k To Sleep - New career goal: have someone type “Brandon Stroud x Melody Sheep – Go The F**k To Sleep” about something I’ve done. [High Definite]
Australia Is Getting DC Comics License Plates? From The 80s? - One day I’ll live in a happier world where I’m able to drive a car and let people know how much I love the comic Prez at the same time. [Gamma Squad]
Now With Us, The Very Public Face Of Grief - I’m happy to have KSK around for stories like this. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
I Can’t Stop Looking At This - Matt Ufford reveals that he doesn’t find America’s Next Top Model’s Allison Harvard attractive, an issue that causes us to come to blows in real life. I don’t care what elite fighting force you were a part of, I will go down swinging. [Warming Glow]
38 Seconds - In all seriousness, though, With Leather wants to wish everybody out there a happy Veteran’s Day. Be sure to check out Uff’s latest piece on the veteran experience, because it’s pretty goddamn outstanding. [The Classical]
Endurance Football, Or, Football Played On A Mile-Long Field - I love everything about this, and am calling dibs on a roster spot should a real game of it ever go down. [SB Nation]
Mark Henry 2010 Vs. Mark Henry 2011 - It’s amazing how far you can come in a year. Also, “Mark forgetting how chasing works” is one of my shoot favorite wrestling moments ever. [Fair To Flair]
Apparently Asteroids Will Have A Writer - I hope this is a success so I can finally get my gritty, reimagined Pitfall! pushed through. (spoiler: it explains why the alligators are there) [Film Drunk]
12 NBA Young Guns To Watch (If There’s A Season) - You can’t just be any geek off the street. You gotta be handy with the steel, if you know what I mean, earn your keep. [Smoking Section]
DMX On Dr. Drew’s ‘Lifechangers’ - He should feel DMX’s testicles on-air to see if they’re real. [RealTalkNY]
First Listen: Childish Gambino – ‘Camp’ - If you haven’t heard it yet, NPR is streaming the entire album for free. ‘That Power’ is my favorite song of the year. The rest of the album is a close second. [NPR]
PWO Four Year Anniversary Video Preview - There are few things in this world I miss more than Cleveland. Check out this retrospective to see who all those Oh-Bro indy wrestlers I’m namedropping in my Best and Worst of Raw column are. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]
Quote Of The Day: Gina Carano Says Fighting An Opponent Feels Just Like Having Sex With Them - I would like to fight Gina Carano. Just saying. [Cage Potato]
About a month ago we told you about how former NHL journeyman Donald Brashear was making the jump from hockey to mixed martial arts and how his combination of brain concussion and irrational anger made him a perfect candidate for MMA. Well, I’m proud to write the follow-up piece where you find out Brashear obliterated his opponent to win his fighting debut in just 21 seconds. The opponent, Mathieu Bergeron, sort of looked like a lost child who’d wandered into the octagon looking for his parents, only to get jumped and punched out to death.
If you’d like to watch the fight (which takes less time to watch than the sneezing panda), I suggest you do it like a king might: from inside the body of a Tourette’s sufferer, listening to DMX’s “Where Da Hood At”.
Afterward, Brashear, who signed a three-fight deal with the promotion, said he would fight again.
After getting Christmas presents, Brashear said he’d like to have more Christmas presents.