It’s been a couple days since we’ve posted video of somebody injuring their face, so here ya go. Enjoy this. Diving board face plants are far too rare. Divers just don’t have the same naked idiocy as skateboarders, I guess.
True story: When I was a lifeguard in high school, I used to have some moderate diving skills. Not too many, just enough to get myself injured. I still have a scar on top of my head from when I Louganis’d a flip with a full twist. I got out of the pool and blood was gushing out of my head and down my face. Trust me, if you ever want people to freak out, definitely go with the blood-running-down-your-face look. Then open up your eyes real wide and laugh maniacally. And carry an axe. I really regret not having an axe that day.
Greg Robertson, an Australian diver spear-fishing off the continent’s southern coast, landed an unexpectedly large catch — himself! (How did I do? I’m practicing writing ledes for UK tabloids.) No, but seriously, he shot a two-meter spear directly into his groin.
[T]he 25 year old was pushed onto the speargun, which had been washed out of his hands by a wave. The two metre long spear pierced his inside upper thigh, just millimetres from his genitals and femoral artery, and lodged several centimetres under the skin…
“The spear’s barbed on the end, so it’s locked in there. He got up and said ‘It’s in me, it’s in me!” [a witness said.]
That’s what she said! Hey, I got a two-meter spear gun for your groin right here! At least, uh, I think I do. I’m not so good at metric conversion. Inches and meters are about the same, right?
Most swimming pools have "no diving" signs for anything shallower than 4 feet of water. And that's assuming you're jumping in from the edge of the pool. This guy dove into 12 inches of water from a three-story platform, setting a world record of some sort. "Stupidest stunt not resulting in paralyzing spinal injury" would be my guess.
The only dive old people should attempt is the 'Triple Lindy'. -KD
