The South Georgia Peanuts of former independent-baseball-league infamy have already come and gone, but have been immortalized in a documentary called Playing For Peanuts. The crew managed to score some time with South Georgia’s mascot, Goober, who may still be trudging through the minor leagues, perhaps hoping to land a guest spot on Sesame Street or a supporting role in the next Pixar movie. But after enjoying Goober’s insights on life, and watching him whisked away at the first mention of inappropriate child-touching, one can’t help but wonder if The Goob ever realized his dream, or just moved into a studio apartment next to some elementary school. It’s just a cruel reminder that being a mascot is a young molester’s game, and that not everyone makes it to the big time. Which is probably a good thing.
Whoever thought of mashing up Teen Wolf and Miss Piggy deserves a free beer, because this silly-looking Wookie seems to be a hot topic of discussion today. I understand that Rumble, the new mascot of the Oklahoma City Thunder, was a last-minute replacement for the team’s original mascot idea, a fun-loving, knife-wielding chimpanzee.
The Thunder concocted a background story for the mascot, saying Rumble helped save the rest of his herd of bison during a ferocious storm before he was stranded alone in the Arbuckle Mountains and was struck by a bolt of lightning that gave him added strength and agility.
The bolt of lightning also gave him a huge, 17-inch penis and a profound fear of loud household appliances. Just don’t spend too much time out with your friends this weekend, or you might come home to sheets full of hybrid bison semen. You’ve been warned.
